The Atlas cameratime is really sporadic this season since there's no cohesive conversation going on. This is surprising since Lifetime is just great at fabricating a good storyline within episodes *cough* Dance Moms *cough*. At the runway, Heidi greets the designers in an odd gold dress and bad choice of tights... or thigh high boots, I couldn't tell. She alludes to the red carpet and Kooan tries to make a complete sentence but fails.
It's now time for the Lexus challenge, which is a challenge I don't really remember being so much of a mainstay as the unconventional challenge. Anyway, Tim welcomes the designers with the task to make a red carpet garment for a very special client with ties to Project Runway for the EMMY'S! Unfortunately, Mean Girl Gunnar is still around so he yammers about the clients either being all stars or Heidi herself, calling Heidi his Barbie. Ugh... Needlebutt Ven tries extremely hard to develop a personality but is still flat by saying that he's only interested in the backstage aspect of the show. You know, when we get to see the outfits and Joan Rivers bashing the outfits. They only have one day to complete the look. Brian Bolain, who has some connection to Lexus, rattles off some nutrition facts about the cars but I could care less. I want DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA and fashion with JAZZ HANDS. Brian also looks like Tim's little brother. I was more distracted by whatever Raul was wearing, which looked like women's overalls. Strangely, I wanted them, but with wider boot-cut legs (I'm a boot-cut kind of a guy, whereas everyone else seems to think I'm more a skinny/regular/straight cut type). You'll also be working in teams of two and I roll my eyes. Elena whines about it but she does make a point by saying that no one really would want to work in a team. Hell, even I don't. Awkward Nathan and Dmit-zzzzz try to give some insight but they bore me so let's get the ball rolling here.
In a unique way to pick partners, everyone is given a car key. Whichever car lights up is the car they'll be taking to see their client and whoever gets the same car is the teammate. I thought it was pretty cool. The teams for this round are:
-Team NY: Christopher and Old Broad Andrea
-Team Quirk: Sonjia and Awkward Nathan
-Team Greencard: Buffi and Elena (the latter who is way less than thrilled to be working with Buffi)
-Team Blah: Fabio and Ven (who also is less than thrilled with Fabio)
-Team IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome): Mean Girl Gunnar and Kooan.
-Team Black: Dmit-zzzzz and Melissa (whom I'm liking more and more)
-Team Mens: Raul and Alicia
Off you go.
It turns out that it's not Heidi they're working on but alumni of the series! Team NY gets Anya the Great! Team Mens get Mila, which gets them excited because Mila kind of has the menswear edge they could use to their advantage. Team IBS get that irritating bitch Irina, who scares Kooan because she's a past (unfair) winner. Team Black get their dream clinet, April, who is now sporting some fuchsia (?) hair. Team Quirk get Valerie, who I had totally forgot about but then realized she was the bridesmaid of her season. Team Greencard are with Laura, where Buffi is comfortable by the sight of her in an animal print dress so MAYBE she might have some hope. Finally, Team Blah gets Kenley, who decided to switch decades and is sporting a mod look. I'm pretty sure she's still trying to be a camera whore because all she does is talk the entire time and I'm not so sure if she said she was fashion forward or fashion former. I'm hoping it was the latter, because she was SO fashion forward when she made that hip hop outfit for Leanne.
The designers have some time to discuss with their clinets. Irina immediately gets bitchy with Mean Girl Gunnar and Kooan and Anya the Great lists her don'ts to the willing Team NY. Elsewhere, Kenley, taking a cue from Jill-Cher from Dance Moms, is still talking to poor Team Blah about her love for tulle. She seems to think she's young and cool. I've been in the 1950's many times and I can tell you that aspiring to be the next Vitameatavegamin girl is most certainly not young OR cool or even considerably hip. Fabio forsees that she's going to be very difficult. Mila is concerned if her team can make a gown and then time is up so the designers can sketch. What's very strange is that while the other designers sketch, I only caught Laura sticking around with Team Greencard so maybe she didn't get the memo? Who knows with this whackadoo network.
At Mood, Mean Girl Gunnar admits to being kind of a controlling bitch. Really? I never would've guessed. Needlebutt Ven talks about Kenley's obsession with tulle. Seriously, what look is she aiming for?
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| Kenley's muse |
In the workroom, the designers dish about their designer clients and I notice Christopher and Mean Girl Gunnar are BOTH wearing denim shirts. Again, Christopher works it better. Partnered with an anime character, Mean Girl Gunnar is worried about how well they're going to work together. Then he has to gloat about being in the top 3 while Kooan's already been in the bottom 3 before. Raul is worried about what Mila's "opeenion" might be over their design while Needlebutt Ven whines about Kenley's running mouth. Elsewhere, Christopher gushes over working for Anya the Great, who doesn't want another flowy garment (like the ones she normally wears) but something a little more slick. On Team Greencard, Buffi knows that they're up Laura's alley. Uncle Tim arrives to give the designers some good news! In addition to the winner getting immunity, the winner will also accompany their client to the Emmy's as well! Everyone is excited about sashaying on the Red Carpet, especially Buffi and Sonjia. Oh yeah, they have until midnight to complete these looks. Joy.
Old Broad Andrea has never really had an opportunity like this before but it seems like Team NY is on good terms. Christopher is excited because he's never dressed celebrities before while Andrea has (like who?). On Team IBS, Kooan is having a lot of trouble because this is way out of his element of creating ridiculousness. Elena doesn't quite trust Buffi with construction so she's taking care of that while Buffi works on pleating the fabric. On Team Mens, Alicia is worried since neither of them have really made a gown before. Raul isn't a fan of the printed fabric they chose but they'll have to make it work, planning to throw in some menswear in the garment. Hmm.
Buffi is trying to pleat but it's taking her longer than usual while Elena snipes at her to work faster. She's kind of like Velma Von Tussle in the original Hairspray. Needlebutt Ven says that he's easy to work with if the other person knows what they're doing, and Fabio's not that person. Geez, would it kill him to have some confidence in his partner. On Team Black, Melissa and Dmit-zzzzz discuss the difficulties of working with silk charmeuse and I can sort of see why they're worried. One false move with this stuff and you're screwed. Just ask Wesley. Elena whines some more about time and Melissa fearfully says that Elena is intense about EVERYTHING. She probably was aiming a machine gun at Melissa during that confessional.
Team NY is not looking so good as it's almost 5 and they've got nothing done. But it's now time for Uncle Tim to rip them to shreds, complete with their clients. Irina heads over to Team IBS to bitch about their design. She seems okay with it until she starts to critique it and Mean Girl Gunnar says he wants to smack her. He knows how I feel about him! Anyway, Irina tells them to not overwork it and MGG wishes he had Kenley as a client. She's more his style: Grandma. Buffi is on my wavelength by saying at Team Black is perfectly at ease with their client. April loves what they're doing, especially since it works well with her nutty hair. Mila comes to tear apart Team Mens and she's not liking what they're doing, particularly because their design is more "daytime" than "awards". Tim agrees, so they all reach a compromise. Kenley continues talking so I ignore her as Val grabs my attention by saying Team Quirk's design is great since she doesn't have any cleavage to show off. But Team NY runs into trouble when Anya the Great and Tim agree that the garment isn't looking so great and might show off too much skin. Christopher says that they don't have enough fabric but Old Broad Andrea tells him to grab whatever is in the trash (resourceful!!) which, ironically, is just what they needed! Tim catches Christopher just staring at him during the critique, which Tim thinks he's looking for a second opinion. I think it's Christopher trying to divert his growing frustration with this challenge with fantasies of him and Tim in bed just cuddling together but that's just me.
As for Team Greencard, Laura likes what they're doing but they're making the work process way too complicated. This bothers Elena slightly, setting off a snowball effect of her nervous breakdown because she's scared of how much work is left to do. Buffi tries to calm her down, to which Elena responds, like any mentalcase ready to burst, "I AM CALM!!!! DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!!!" Jesus, take one of Kooan's Paxil why don't cha? Oh, and then she slams the door on her way out. Buffi, who says she really doesn't want to do this now, goes after her but ends up taking over the sewing for a bit while Elena has a smoke break.
Dmit-zzzzz knows that Cray-Cray Elena isn't up for a team challenge, while Elena's shocked about the lack of time regarding a gown. Buffi laments that she can't "scream 100 different things" at her and worries that, if they're in the bottom, Elena's going to blame her for it. Speaking of, Elena's sewing like an angry bitch, which is so loud it can be heard from my house, because she thinks Buffi's working at a snail's pace. Christopher believes Elena really is like someone who's escaped from the woods. He's not totally off because Elena gives a little backstory about growing up in the Ukraine, where you need toughness to survive. People have to hustle and the weak don't survive.
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Continuing the snail's pace theme, Team NY isn't doing so hot because Old Broad Andrea is taking forever and poor Christopher can't really go and yell at her for it because she's old enough to be his grandmother. Aww, modesty. The clients return for fittings and not much happens beyond Irina giving bitchface (maybe that's her regular face), Sonjia comparing Needlebutt's dress to a "church dress" (ha!) and Alicia worried over how her gown is looking. Elena has finally calmed down enough to finish the dress and while Buffi is relieved, she still wished she had her dinner. Whomp whomp. Christopher complains about Andrea some more, Raul really lets us know that he hates this challenge, midnight arrives and the designers leave for home to do even more bitching and moaning about this challenge.
In fact, I'm surprised no one's running to their forms the next day. Uncle Tim arrives and I think he shouldn't watch Roseanne reruns because wearing a plaid shirt with a tie just screams "Dan Connor at Crystal's Wedding". Yikes. Christopher is getting even more stressed by the second as Old Broad Andrea, who once boasted about having every degree known to man and who taught fashion, has no idea how to work a marrowing machine (whatever that is). I'm as surprised as he is, really. The clients return once more and Kenley lets everyone know that she loves her "I Love Lucy" dress. Laura likes her dress (phew!) while Dmit-zzzzz compares Irina's dress to a wedding gown. Trust. Christopher cannot believe how lax Andrea is about everything and really wishes she wasn't. I can see where he's coming from because, while a good attitude is nice, there's a fine line between staying calm and trying to hide nervousness, the latter being very annoying and very fake. Hair and makeup (where Buffi quips, "I trust you but I don't know how my psycho partner might deal." LOVE) goes on while Irina snits at Kooan just standing there instead of fixing the dress. Kooan isn't happy and he can't create when he's unhappy. I'll bet. Mean Girl Gunnar meets his match in Irina when he announces that he hates the dress.
Runway time as Heidi channels Mary Martin with her hair and realized that she should wear something decent for a change, so she went with a sparkly dress.
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| ZIS IS FOR NEXT WEEK ON PROJECT RUNWAY. |
Our guest judge this week is Krysten Ritter, star of "Don't Trust the B****" and, in my head, Eliza Dushku doppelganger.
Laura is up first for Team Greencard and, while it's not great, it does look nice. Both girls are surprised by the outcome of the dress. Anya for Team NY, at first, looked kind of great and donning some Jessica Rabbit hair, but then Christopher pointed out the too-high slit and he knew they were screwed. Kenley for Team Blah walks and, I hate to admit it, but her dress looks beautiful. Needlebutt Ven says he's "extremely happy", complete with his stone face, and Fabio is proud. April walks for Team Black and I thought it was STUNNING, especially the back, and it even compliments her wild hair. Melissa said it gave her chills and Dmit-zzzzz hopes they'll win. Team Mens look is next and... oye... Mila looks ANCIENT and frumpy. Raul is, of course, pissed and thinks is a mess while Alicia knows it's not a hit, yet is hoping she's safe. That bitch Irina walks with her bitchiest bitchface for Team IBS. Gunnar now says that it's "not awful" but Kooan isn't confident. It still looks like a hideous wedding dress. Team Quirk is almost forgettable but Valerie looks great... if only they did something with her Bride of Frankenstein hair.
Teams Black (damn it!), Quirk, and Greencard (phew!) are all safe, and Christopher buries his face in his hands upon realizing that he's going to be in the bottom. Backstage, the safe teams justly says that their designs are some of the better ones out there. Elena decides to get in one more bitch quip by wishing she had a better partner but Buffi's thrilled that managed to get SOMETHING out there. Teams Blah and IBS (shit) are the higher scores while Teams Mens and NY, appropriately, are the lower scores. Kooan, I think, rolls his eyes. Anyway, the high scores are first so the lower scores go backstage to dish. Elena is shocked Mean Girl Gunnar is up there while Christopher is fighting back the urge to scream at Andrea. Andrea, for her part, says that if she's booted here, she's glad she's made it this far. And then everyone talks about how much they gave up for this opportunity. Whatever.
THE GOOD:
Team Blah (Kenley): Fabio did the bodice and Needlebutt did the skirt. Heidi says they did a fabulous job and it could definitely go to the Emmy's. Unfortunately, Kenley sees an opening to open her yap and says that they listened to everything she said and wanted. Nina likes it and that it looked expensive, especially since the dress was short. Krysten, living up to her character (I guess? I haven't seen her show), doesn't like the length. She's slowly becoming my best friend. Kors says that it wouldn't be a memorable dress but they managed to stay to their aesthetic. When asked who would go to the Emmy's if they won (only one person can win, which I think is bullshit), Fabio would choose himself since he worked on the design. Honey, you're sweet, but the world can tell this is more of Ven's handiwork. Speaking of, Needlebutt also chooses himself because he practically made the dress. Drama!
Team IBS (Irina): First off, Mean Girl Gunnar really should dress like a MAN since he hasn't even made it in this industry yet, not a little boy. Kooan admits this challenge scared him because this is way out of his element. Irina thinks it's a nice mix but bitches about the sewing, specifically from Kooan. Heidi ignores her whining and says the dress is lovely. Nina also loves the design and Krysten likes the high neck while Kors liked the silhouette. They understood the client. Obviously, Kooan and Mean Girl Gunnar agree that Gunnar would go to the Emmy's, mostly because Kooan couldn't do much and had to be pulled through by Gunnar. The second Mean Girl Gunnar smirks, I prayed to the heavens that Kenley's dress wins, immediately giving me indigestion.
THE (REALLY) BAD:
Team Mens (Mila): Oye. Mila finds some major fitting issues with the gown and that they should've gone with a different fabric. Heidi wanted to know why didn't they use something like silk? She thinks that it's boring and the hair extension Mila has in her hair is doing her no favors. Krysten thinks they had great ingredients to work with (is she set to appear on a cooking show soon?) but really blew this opportunity. Kors thinks they should've gone with their strengths while Nina says they made her look frumpy and there was no effort. Heidi asks them which of them should go home, where we never get a direct answer since they each decided to split the responsibilities evenly, though Alicia was pressured into saying it was Raul's sketch.
Team NY (Anya the Great): Heidi immediately zeroes in on poor Christopher's defeated sadness. One look at him and even I wanted to start crying. He says he thinks it looks awful (it does enhance Anya's bust... and not in a pretty way) and that they really mismanaged time. Old Broad Andrea claims to have work with chiffon a lot, but Heidi can see the poorly placed hook closures, and the awkward hem. Anya believes this was a great opportunity for them, but they were too ambitious. Nina calls it dated and cliche, while Krysten cements my love by comparing it to a Halloween costume at a drug store. BURN! Kors understands why the gold studs were there, otherwise Anya would have been a walking Hershey bar (we're still on candy?). Then Christopher starts to lose it and says it took Andrea 12 hours to make the damn skirt. Geez. Andrea, apparently unaware of what's going on, called the experience a nightmare. When asked who would go home, Christopher says that Andrea stated that she doesn't care if she goes home, she's glad she made it this far, but she tries to make it seem like it didn't sound like a kiss off. Then she says that he messed up the bodice. Christopher admits to hating finger pointing but we never find out who would be sent home. It's moments like these where I despise it when people bypass a simple question by telling long, grand stories.
In deliberations, Ven is noticeable with his designs while Team IBS chose a bad fabric. Christopher was definitely upset and Anya looked more like an Award girl than a nominee. Okay, let's bring them back.
Winner: Needlebutt Ven. I let my breath out because I don't think I could live with Mean Girl Gunnar getting the satisfaction of the win. This week, Ven's line that this win is a "dream come true". What's next? A handsome man riding on a stallion? Elena scowls while Kenley makes another unnecessary appearance to congratulate him.
Also, I wanted to shoot Gunnar for arrogantly saying "Good to see you guys, AGAIN." Can't he be, I don't know, HUMBLE?
Bottom 2: Raul and Alicia
Eliminated: Raul
Elena's stoked Alicia's staying but, hey, I didn't really like the guy so whoop-de-doo. Raul confesses they both should've gone home (not arguing there) but he curses the challenge for sending him home.
THE NEXT DAY, something is very, very wrong. OLD BROAD ANDREA IS NOWHERE IN SIGHT. Did Willam kidnap her? Has she really been a ghost this whole time? WHAT'S GOING ON?!
Next time: Kors shills his store, talks of Andrea leaving inspires designers to drop out, particularly Kooan and, I think, Fabio... but since the latter is on the runway, I think he's still in. Still, WHAT'S GOING ON????!!!!
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