Project Runway: One Way Monkey!

Previously on PR: Andrea ran off, Kooan bowed out, and the designers were asked to create looks for "Women on the Go". Raul came back (blurgh), Sonjia won (yay!), and Buffi was sent packing (NO!). And Laura Bennett read Kenley like a frickin' encyclopedia.

Morning time at Atlas finds Mean Girl Gunnar claiming to be "sad" that Buffi was shit-canned, but he's gonna keep his head of hot air in the game. Over in the girls' apartments, Melissa is the last one left in hers and she doesn't want to be the next one shipped home. So she's being moved into Alicia, Elena and Sonjia's suite, since they're the last girls left. In the other boys' apartment, Raul says that Christopher should have won the last challenge (it was kind of neck and neck). Raul then confessionalizes that he loves Christopher, that he "made a connection with this guy" and he "hasn't felt that way in a while"... uh oh... The last time anyone said that, they ended up dating (see Daniel Feld and Wesley Nault. EEP) so I immediately panic because Christopher deserves so much better and I'm pretty sure Tim is first in line. In other news, Christopher is still miffed over Andrea's ouster because he still feels responsible for it, but that was sooo last episode so let's move on with the show, shall we?

On the runway, Heidi comes out with 2 terrifying sights: another hideous dress and the famous velvet Button Bag OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! Oh, wait, there's more! Resident Bitch of Marie Claire magazine and woman of ever-changing accents Nina Garcia is here to deliver the challenge. Goody! Alicia, possibly the only normal one of the group, is immediately worried because Nina is notoriously hard to please. Nina explains that, recently, Marie Claire has released a magazine focused on the "working woman" as its target audience, so they can be fashionable but still look presentable. I thought that's kind of cool. So, their challenge is to make designs that are editorial but still presentable in the real world. Oh, and they have to work in teams. Of course, the designers are all pissed. Most pissed? Obviously Elena, Raul, and Needlebutt Ven. There's more: The teams are responsible for their own photoshoot and the winning team's photos will be put in a spread in the Marie Claire working woman 'zine.

Since Spunky Sonjia won the last challenge, she gets to pick first. Sonjia is a bit worried because she doesn't want anyone to think she's playing favorite (not that it matters), so she picks Elena first. Mean Girl Gunnar offers some pointless commentary about how he'd rather eat dirt than work with Elena. I'd rather he eat dirt regardless. For the second team, Heidi draws from the button bag Nathan's name, so he picks Needlebutt Ven. I fell asleep during his reasoning, so I wake up in time to find Elena picking Melissa for her team. Needlebutt picks Christopher and Melissa picks Dmit-zzzzz. Christopher picks Fabio and Raul gets all pissy about that, mostly because of his raging crush I guess. Christopher reasons that he likes Raul but is well aware that Needlebutt can't stand him, among many other things. Dmit-zzzzz picks Alicia, which leaves the most grating people last. Oh, how the tables have turned, and neither bitch is pleased. Mean Girl Gunnar really doesn't want to be on either team, and is selected to be on the team full of guys. Raul is then placed on the team of six. He's pissed but this is his chance to "punch them harder" to prove everyone wrong about sending him home the first time. Yeah. Anyway, to even the playing field, the amount of people on each team will make that many outfits: So one team will make five outfits and one will make six. I guess that's fair rather than have them make 16, one being an evening gown made of aluminum foil, condoms, and computer speakers. Now THERE'S a challenge!

Uncle Tim emphasizes that there are NO TEAM LEADERS (Joshua McKinley!). To make things easier, he just calls the teams by their number, so we have team five and team six. But that's boring in my world, so I'll give them nicknames when we get to mood. Continuing, Tim has to shill the HP tablets and other electronic devices. None of them include the HP BeatsAudio laptop which just so happens to be the type my grandmother got for me for my 22nd birthday that I'm typing on right now! It also makes listening to music a pleasure, unlike my sister who possibly believes that Topeka, Kansas, must listen to her music so she blasts it as loud as she can on a pair of speakers. Oh, and there's more: It wouldn't be much of a challenge without unnecessary stress so the kids only have until 11 PM that night and NO TIME the next day because they're going straight into the photo shoot rather than work for an additional 2 hours before the runway like they usually do. It's great looking at their faces fall at the news.

Time to deliberate. Team 6 finds Sonjia coming up with the plan to have each designer work on what their strengths are rather than work on 6 individual outfits that look nothing like a collection. For example, Sonjia will work on skirts, Alicia will work on pants, Raul will work on being a whiny bitch over facing elimination AGAIN. Over on Team 5, the guys work on themes and, since fall is coming up, they'll go with that... with color! Mean Girl Gunnar suggests they work with old southern lady colors like plum and babbles about some other nonsense as the others ignore him. He whines that Christopher, Needlebutt Ven and that guy Nathan are dictating everything and picking wild neon colors. Because god forbid there should be organization over chaos. Speaking of, on Team 6, Elena is immediately going cray-cray and Sonjia laments that everyone wants to do their own things, especially Raul, who's being a selfish brat. Team 5 discusses job placement and that guy Nathan is making some really odd design. Needlebutt Ven is worried that Mean Girl Gunnar doesn't have a strong point of view as, well, everyone. Gunnar sketches some really hideous looking dress as he moans about the team micromanaging him. What does Laura Bennett have to say? "Get over the 'I work alone' crap." Well said.

Mood and nickname time! Team 5 gets $1000 as Team 6 gets $1200 for shopping. Team 6, from here on called "Team Bitch", is a hot mess, according to Spunky, because they have different opinions and are scattered around the entire store. Team 5 has a different approach, which is to stick together to get their fabrics, and as such look like a bunch of old ladies going shopping. And so they are "Team Old Lady". Team Bitch's scattered store approach isn't working very well as Melissa is trying to find Raul so he doesn't do anything crazy and Dmit-zzzzz cannot find anyone around. Team Old Lady is pretty much cool and collected, kind of putting a damper of the chaotic mood the commercials set this challenge up to be. Then again, this is Lifetime which, like the real women it projects to, tends to make a big deal over nothing.

In the workroom, the teams unload their bags and Team Bitch immediately runs into a problem: A bag containing wool Elena planned to make a jacket with is missing! But, rather than go back to the store with the receipt (like Kenley did seasons ago to get her beloved tulle), Team Bitch decides to use Dmit-zzzzz's jersey. Melissa also tries to come up with a second plan but Raul is against it, possibly for three reasons: 1) It wasn't his idea. 2) It sounded bad and 3) It was her idea. As Team Old Lady works calmly in the background, Dmit-zzzzz complains about Raul freaking out before anything has happened yet. Elsewhere on Team Old Lady, Fabio is relieved that his team is focused on their work and, after Nathan pointlessly recaps what the challenge is, Christopher finds Kooan's hairbrush in the workroom and makes a sad face. Everyone jokes that he's probably freaking out about it right now so Christopher puts it on the edge of a table. Then Elena finds that she has to rework her design and, like she was raised in the Ukraine, flips out while Fabio suggests that everyone stays out of her way unless she kills them. Team Old Lady checks on Princess Mean Girl Gunnar and Nathan is concerned over the skirt he's making. Gunnar is pissed because it isn't his aesthetic. Meanwhile, Raul constructs something equally bad, one of his tops, which he says represents him, which translates to "but not the rest of the team". He says that he has a voice but no one wants to hear it (because it says, "DO WHAT I WANT TO DOOOO!!"). Elena can see that he's not being a team player and they could lose the challenge because of it. She freaks out again because she hates the challenge, she hates the palette, she hates the fabrics that she decides to chuck around the room, she hates puppies, she hates weddings, she hates that Tyra can't stick to one hairstyle, etc.

Uncle Tim arrives (in a presentable shirt since I didn't note anything about it... or maybe I was tired, who knows really) to a very sullen work room. He meets with Team Bitch first, who greet him with a sullen sigh. He wants to know what's going on, so Melissa and Dmit-zzzzz are making dresses, with the latter's being color blocked that looks sleek and like every other dress he's ever made. Raul made a bad pleated top that Mean Girl Gunnar hates. Tim offers a compliment and says that it's a counterpoint to the ensemble. Elena says that she reworked her top because she saw how incredible Sonjia's skirt looked and thought her damn blouse wasn't up to par. So Melissa comes in for the save and says that they'll give that girl a blue clutch and Elena agrees to it. Dmit-zzzzz says that it doesn't FEEL like their work but it does fulfill the challenge.
Over on Team Old Lady, not a lot has been done. Needlebutt has been working on a wearable blouse (yawn) and Nathan has been making... some really funky looking pants and Fabio is making shorts. Spunky Sonjia thinks their collection reads more "resort" than "work" and the judges probably wouldn't like it. Then again, they liked that disaster Mean Girl Gunnar and Kooan shipped down the catwalk so who knows really. Uncle Tim worries that the colors and print will make it look "clownish". Mean Girl Gunnar finds it difficult to keep his mouth shut since he thinks it looks like "drag queen cocktail". His mouth has been SHUT?! Tim directs his focus towards MGG's hideous skirt and says that the lace could make it look very matronly (look at who he designs for) as Nathan is getting concerned that their points of view are getting lost. We leave Tim asking MGG how is he going to "uncostume" the skirt.

We don't find out the answer for that so the editors cut straight to MGG doing what he's comfortable with, himself (SHOCKER), talking to himself, and everyone promptly ignoring him. So let's look at something equally tragic, which is Team Bitch falling apart. Raul isn't doing shit, of course, so Sonjia goes MGG's path and plans to do "whatever the hell [she] wants." Since she's likable, I'm all for it. Out of nowhere, Christopher is singing about "Silk Chiffon-ies" but, thankfully, unlike RuPaul's Drag Race and "CHEESECAKE!", the inside joke is explained by Elena, who compares him, Needlebutt, and Nathan as the "Generals" of the Silk Chiffon-ies because that's all they work with. HA! Melissa does point out that chiffon isn't really a fabric most women wear to work so sorry guys! She's cute.
Back on Team Bitch, Elena wonders aloud who wears navy blue to work, DMIT-ZZZZZ?! Oh, wait a a minute, she wasn't joking around. Dmit-zzzzz says everyone hates her as she mocks him. Christopher asks about the navy debacle as Dmit-zzzzz points out the obvious by saying that Elena shouldn't be on a team because she has emotional problems.

The models arrive and Christopher asks the age old question: To belt his top or not to belt his top? HMM. Needlebutt rips on Mean Girl Gunnar's tastes, which are none, while Dmit-zzzzz provides the line of the season when he calls Needlebutt a "one way monkey" er, "ONE TRICK PONY" because he does the same old pleating crap he's been doing since day one. He was right the first time. Miss Melissa is having issues fitting her dress because the back is getting really wonky. After the models leave, the designers rush to finish their designs since they won't have any time the next day. Nathan pointlessly comments how people are falling apart, including himself because he sewed his pants incorrectly. TWICE. On Team Bitch, Elena scores some major points by referring to Raul as "Eddie Munster". He decides to try on his top on Elena to see how it'll look on her, despite the fact that she's not of model proportions so it looks like her boobs are going to fall out. Meanwhile, Miss Melissa rushes to finish her dress in 16 minutes as the designs basically maul the Lord and Taylor wall clean of accessories and put them in bags. MGG hasn't seen his team's looks together and hopes they'll be cohesive.

It's time for the photoshoot at Go Studios, where Miss Melissa recaps the challenge. They only have three hours to get three photos and the stakes are high since the winning photos will be put in the magazine's spread. I didn't catch the photographer's name but this isn't ANTM so who cares about him. Unless he's Mike Ruiz. Mmmmm... Elena goes power crazy and Raul believes she came from the military. I wouldn't be surprised. The surprisingly competent Team Old Lady is working pretty smoothly with their photos, complete with sketches! All the while, Elena goes crazier by the second and the makeup team, Nathan, and possibly the next room over are knocking her for it.

Elena: The "Duck Lips" of PR season 10.

She and Raul get all pissy while Team Old Lady continues to work like a well oiled machine. Oh great, now Elena's freaking out over the PROPS, and how in some shots they aren't used but then she starts orgasming over the photos with the props. Raul bitches about it, so Elena shifts her focus on Melissa, who's trying to calm her down. Another pissing match erupts between Eddie Munster and Cray-Cray but she blows a fuse when Melissa tells her to stop freaking out. Eventually, everyone just leaves her alone. And so, the session ends.

Since there's not much to do on Runway day, there's nothing to note beyond MGG's hideous hair. Today, Heidi manages to get it halfway there: A nice silk shirt paired with unfortunate leather leggings, which ARE. NOT. PANTS. The guest judge is editor in chief of Marie Claire, Joanna Coles. She was the "Tim Gunn" of Project Runway Trainwreck/Chance for Mondo to righteously win All Stars. Plus, she's British.
Team Old Lady walks first. And they all did individual pieces, making it very easy to follow who is who. Nathan's look is kind of blah and his pants are unfortunate. Christopher, obviously, does well, and decided to not belt the jacket, which he admits looks kind of iffy. But his skirt, despite some fraying, looks gorgeous. Mean Girl Gunnar's dress is... quite an eyesore. Her boobs are hanging way too low, prompting Boob-crazy Heidi to say this gem: "It's like floating souffle boobies." I like Fabio's design, simple but effective, but the headscarf is a little weird. Needlebutt Ven's garment is really bland and boring, and I can't stand that the skirt is cinching into the cooch. Overall, it's a good collection but not much of a knockout.
Team Bitch's turn. Melissa's dress is STUNNING, especially since it's not black for a change! Plus, her back is amazing with the asymmetrical zipper. Since the work was divided among the team, the next look consists of Alicia's pants and Elena's blouse. It looks pretty chic, and it would definitely be something my sister would wear. Raul and Sonjia are next with their first shirt/skirt combo and while her skirt is nice, his top is really bad. The second Alicia/Elena look isn't as great as the first. While the pants are okay, Elena's severe shoulder blouse just doesn't fit in with the theme. Dmit-zzzzz sends down another one way monkey dress that looks slick but wouldn't really work in the workplace. And the second Raul/Sonjia look is kind of tragic, her skirt being a bit too voluminous and his top being too bulky.

 After tallying up the scores, Heidi announces that both teams have tied! So now it's anyone's game this time. And anyone could also be eliminated. Suspense!

Team Old Lady
Needlebutt says that they wanted to make "chic, sophisticated clothes" and Heidi thought they were very smart for going with softer clothes. Nina, since she's the all reigning ruler of this challenge, says that they did a great job to keep this looking like a collection than five individual pieces, something people in the past have done, and they worked well together and took direction. She loves Christopher's manipulation of the skirt and Kors loves Fabio's dress because his own target audience, women in the 60's, could still be able to wear that, but he doesn't understand the headscarf. He does love Christopher's skirt as well. Nina isn't a fan of Nathan's look, calling it matronly and unflattering, where Nathan digs his own grave by saying that was intentional. Nina asks him if that's really the look women are going for, which, duh, of course not. Joanna likes Needlebutt's interpretation and the group photo of three girls because it looks like they're having "fun" at work. The judges are pretty unanimous deeming Gunnar's flopsy dress as the worst of the bunch. Heidi hates it, repeats her souffle boobs comment, saying they're all over the place, and that it's inappropriate. YES! Gunnar tries to pass some bullshit off by saying he designed it for a younger audience, and Heidi calls his dress cheap. You can see him trying to control his rage. And that the print made the girl(s?) look older.
Heidi then asks the ultimate "Who should go home?" question. Fabio tries to bypass that by saying that Needlebutt's look is the best. That's nice but that's not answering the question, you idiot. Christopher, Nathan, and Needlebutt agree with Heidi that Gunnar was the worst and Gunnar provides no answer beyond saying that he thought his look was the bee's knees. They then go to the lounge to dish and Gunnar isn't really in the mood to talk.

Team Bitch
Alicia describes the group's work ethic (focus on their strengths, divide, and conquer), mostly because we haven't heard her much this season. Nina calls it "modern" and "editorial", particularly Melissa's blue dress, which photographed beautifully. She goes on to say that most the clothes up there are very wearable and, being a member of the Pants Tribe, adored the "trousers", both wide leg and skinny. Kors' loved Melissa dress for it's believability in the office. Well, maybe in a fashion office but what about school? Or post? Or porn company? Heidi calls Raul's unfortunate ruffly top "too much". Overall, says Kors, the collection is cohesive. Joanna calls it "commercial" (as a compliment) and anyone would buy them, but she hates the black ruffly top but loves the skirt. Joanna likes Dmit-zzzzz's dress but notes it wouldn't work anywhere else, like a paralegal's office. Heidi's least favorite piece is Elena's poofy blouse but Joanna said it COULD work in a paralegal's office (maybe if you were in Resident Evil or something). Kors' says that it wasn't a team effort, it was just 6 different outfits.
As for the weakest question, Sonjia, Alicia, Melissa, and Elena name Raul, Elena because he has horrible construction. Raul and Dmit-zzzzz list Elena for not compromising her designs (Raul) and for her bad work ethic (Dmit-zzzzz). In the lounge, Dmit-zzzzz is attack for his comments regarding Elena and Raul lets it be known that he hates her.

Deliberations were hard to follow this time but let's find out who wins this thing...

Winning Photo: Team Bitch

Winning look: Melissa! She (and I) feels excited, great, and happy about the win!

Bottom 2: Mean Girl Gunnar and Eddie Munster Raul

Hang on... I need to relish in this moment for a cool minute.

Eliminated: Raul. Again.

Gunnar tries to be witty and thanks them for the "heart attack" (if only) and Heidi and Raul joke about saying goodbye twice. At this point, he doesn't care about being eliminated. He just reminds the room that he hates Elena and hopes they eliminate her soon. Uh, no one cares. As always, Christopher is the first to offer the hug. In the end, Raul says that he doesn't make quick garments and that isn't who he is so he's happy to go. Yeah, yeah, please don't come back.

Next time: The "real woman" challenge! Haircutting and Nathan's client wants a midriff, met with bitchface, Needlebutt "dogging" his model, and people throwing away opportunities.