Everyone gathers for the Pyramid but Holly is nowhere to be found. Luckily, Christi assures Abby she'll be there later and Abby, for once, doesn't give Nia hell about it. The epic win from last week is celebrated briefly but, before the pyramid even begins, JILL-CHER barges into the room with a horrendous hairdo. She apologizes (flatly) and, oh, can Kendall come back to the team? OH HELL NO. But, since Jill-Cher only knows how to talk (seriously, is she deaf?), she really doesn't care. Christi says that Candy Apple's didn't give her what she wanted (featured spots and solos) so she's "hop, hop, hopping" back to Abby. Chloe starts giggling for some reason (probably because this is so ridiculous) as Jill-Cher refuses to shut up. Abby (I think) says that Jill-Cher might have a hot new hairdo and new clothes but she's still the same old shit-stirrer. She drags (LITERALLY) Kendall in with her headshot to put up on the pyramid, thinking that in itself will work while the other girls greet Kendall Maureen Cummings, who is crying. Poor thing, FREE KENDALL!! Abby will have none of it and boots her out.
This week, they're competing at another Starpower, because nowhere else will let them film (as stated before), where around 60 entries have been entered. The trio is on the bottom: Macks for being too far ahead of the other two, Nia for the aerial mess up, and Paige for just being in the trio. Huh? Chloe is in the middle because she's not up to par with those she's competing against (11-12). Brooke did an amazing job in the group (and, presumably, the solo that didn't air), had amazing technique and was outstanding. And Maddie's on top and while Abby goes on about her win as always, Christi points out that the moms aren't jealous, it's jsut that they wouldn't shove wins (like Chloe) in the faces of the other children.
Maddie will be doing a solo called, "I Can't Find the Words" and so will PAIGE, who will be doing a number titled, "Creme de la Creme". Yum. Everyone is excited for Nia's solo, which has her name ALL OVER IT, titled "Working Girl", to a song performed by LAQUIFA. First: AGH! Second: Abby, her name is SHANGELA LAQUIFA WADLEY. That is, unless, she's not allowing them to say all that on camera. The group number is based on vampires and love and will feature a boy! Macks finds boys to be "Icky! Icky! Icky!" Of course, she's totally at ease with Ms. Justine Beiber.
Group rehearsals go underway as we're introduced to Nick (not Brandon as I initially thought) from the Senior company. Maddie describes the group piece as Abby says Nick is there because he can do lifts and he's very trustworthy when it comes to partner work. In the booth, Jill-Cher swans in and Melissa admits she thought she was Cathy at first but soon butters her to her bestie, saying she loves her hair. Jill-Cher is "surprised" that Maureen Cummings wasn't placed on the pyramid but Christi rolls her eyes and whips out her bitchface. Kelly notes that Kendall Maureen Cummings had the perfect opportunity to join this team way back at the auditions and Jill-Cher screwed it up by throwing shoes and being an all out bitch. Abby is irritated that Jill-Cher expected that Kendall would be thrown back into the fray all willy-nilly simply because she was on the team for a few weeks. Christi calls Jill-Cher a huge liar, she even lies about her hair color! Kendall is released early because Abby has a lot of thinking to do. She bolts from the room to the moms, which I think was an escape attempt.
Going on Paige's words last time, Abby is giving her more difficult choreography for her solo, but she knows what Paige can do and Paige should do what she's taught. Jill-Cher interrupts rehearsal once again and Kelly is furious that she's barging in on one of the few times Paige will ever get a private with Abby. Jill-Cher wants to know poor Kendall's fate with this company but Abby will have none of it and promptly throws her out. Again. She has had it with Jill-Cher and thought that was extremely inappropriate and that Jill-Cher has a LOT of groveling and paperwork to do before Kendall can even set foot in the studio again.
On to more pleasurable (?) things, we get to peek in at Nia's solo, where Abby has tourettes demonstrating Nia's opening walk in the number, which is "based on Holly being the original working girl." Erm, I don't think that's true. In other news, Abby's wearing a WHITE shirt for a change. WEIRD! And, speaking of Holly, she graces the room with her presence as Christi tells her she'll NEVER believe who decided to bring her sorry ass back to this hell hole. When Holly has no idea what she's talking about, Christi uses her "Jill-Cher 900 number" voice to say, "I'll give you three guesses." Do I die in hysterics? Yep. So does Holly. In her confessional, Holly describes the embarrassing Laquifa number from last year and hopes this number will be different. Please dear god, no leopard jumpsuits...
The girls are rehearsing when Gia! enters with urgency. Someone's on the phone and it sounds important. At first, I was going to be mortified if it was Jill-Cher telling Abby that she boiled Broadway Baby in revenge but no! It's actually a woman named Cheryl, the casting director from Drop Dead Diva with some news. After "watching the auditions" they've "decided" that they're going to hire Maddie in the role of young Deb. Maddie's "excited" but not NEARLY was excited as Abby. Nia signs the news to the moms, who are less than thrilled, especially since the audition called for a "blonde" and Maddie's a blonde-ish brunette (who'll probably be made with wear a wig. If that's the case, couldn't Brooke have done that for the audition? And why have the Crapples audition in the first place when almost NONE where blondes?) and Maddie probably knew about it to begin with so why bother with the auditions. Christi laments that the girls know that it's not a level playing field but they shouldn't be USED to it. That's kind of disturbing. Skeptical Holly knew that someone's name was on that role and that someone was Maddie, the star of this show, which just so happens to air on Lifetime, which also airs Drop Dead Diva so I'm with Holly here. Abby has Maddie tell the moms, who congratulate her for getting the part. Melissa the Snatch tries to pass it off that the moms are just "jealous" as Maddie says that she tried to remain humble (this time I'll believe her) because she didn't want her friends to be mad as Christi wishes that things were fair and even. As sad as that is, since when is the world fair and even, especially with Lifetime whitewashing the shit out of this show?
It's three days before the competition and Abby is screaming at Nia because her hair keeps falling out. Uh, she's had these braids since the beginning of the second half of this season so why is she yelling at her about this NOW? She also wants Nick to really bite the girls in the routine but before things can continue, Jill-Cher rears her botoxed face in once more.
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| How can we miss you IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY? |
In Studio C, Abby wants to discuss the whole Drop Dead Diva thingy. She doesn't get why the moms wouldn't be happy for another's success. THAT'S A BAD ROLE MODEL. Uh, look who's talking! The kids are shocked that Abby would think of such a thing while the model recite the lines they were learning earlier. Christi confessionalizes that Abby is reprimanding them for not being happy for Maddie (which is a big ole lie, of course) yet she blew Chloe off when she got the lead in the music video and the Joffrey intensive.
Then Holly takes the stage for sticking by her (possibly accurate) views that the audition was rigged. On this show? Ridiculous! Not. She delivers this in an outstanding speech. Abby tries to change the topic by attacking Nia's hair, calling it "horrible". Such a woman of wise words. Holly fires back by telling Abby to "look in the mirror" and attacking Abby's horrible hair and wardrobe. As I'm dancing for joy for Holly, Abby claims that the braids are weighing Nia down. NIA then enters the fray by shaking her head and telling her that they definitely don't. It concludes when Holly says Abby should fix herself first before she tries to change anyone else. Yep. I'm on Team Holly.
While Abby has no idea what to do about the group, she does want to work on Maddie's solo, which is about writing a love letter, which is something Maddie is excited over. Over on the internets, the moms from DMM were getting pissed because they did something very similar in one of their routines but I'm calling foul because I'm pretty sure so have another 458,291 other studios. Melissa describes the number as not finding the right words to tell someone they love them. Oh brother. She doesn't want Maddie to be affected by all this nonsense. Whoops, too late. Abby says that success and jealously goes hand in hand and Maddie, who's barely 9, should get used to it. So she forced Maddie to bring in all her crowns. HUH? Abby says Maddie should be proud and to rub it in their faces from time to time. What the fuck is she smoking?
Appropriately, the moms, except Melissa, are less than thrilled. Melissa gives a bitch face for the ages. Maddie admits that she didn't want to bring in the crowns but she had no choice because she had to follow the rules. Aww... The moms accurately point out that Maddie's getting uncomfortable but Melissa Supersnatch decides to go tattle on them like the mature role model that she is. She delivers some half assed rant about not trying to hurt the children but Abby yells at her for squashing Maddie's dreams. Um, WHAT? Then Melissa starts crying, most likely for getting yelled at and not for whatever bullshit she was spouting.
It's competition time, where Abby comments on the HUGE competition and all that crap. She's keeping the decision a complete secret (this makes no sense in what's to come) but Kendall is crying, this time because
LOVE THEM.
Maddie goes to dance in what I swear is one of the nice blue dresses from the Homeless girl number. Yet another fine dance, blah blah, same goofy horse face, added with the look of constipation. Melissa wishes it were longer. If she wanted, Melissa would want Maddie's solo to last 3 days. Paige goes and, while it's not my favorite, it's not too shabby. Abby says that she applied every correction and she's earned those privates from now on. Oh, what fools they are for saying that now...
During the solo awards, Paige admits that she wishes they weren't competing against each other. Nia places 9th place AND wins the "Fiercest Attitude" award! Paige gets 6th place while Maddie wins her standard first place by 3/10th of a point. Lather, rinse, repeat. Abby is proud of all three, especially since her goal was to have all of them place in the top 10. Yeah, wahoo and all, where's my boxed wine?
As Abby makes the cruel cuts, she notices something's awry. "WHY IS KENDALL WEARING A WHITE BOW IN HER HAIR??!!!" she yammers. She hasn't even told them if they're in the routine or not!! Kendall calmly tells Abby that Jill-Cher put the bow in her hair. Jill-Cher, who is way less mature than anyone ever, goes apeshit over the dumb bows. Again, she goes into a pissing match with Abby over... manners? Then Jill-Cher screams that none of the moms ever stand up for her. Well, that's cause bitch, you crazy. In sum, Abby has had enough.
Now it's time to determine the members in the group. She wants Paige and Brooke to demonstrate their back tucks but decides against it after realizing that the hotel rug isn't exactly the smartest place to do gymnastics on, since it's only a rug and concrete. Paige wants to do one anyway and BAM! Smashes her foot into the floor. It doesn't look good but she's suprisingly calm throughout all of this. What is it that makes us freak out over glue gun burns but when major bones are smashed, we're like "Oh, no biggie." Although, maybe it's because Paige sees this as her Get Out of Jail free card. Jill-Cher, taking a cue from Madame Leslie Rose, silently sees an opening for poor Kendall. Nia is told that she did fantastic in her solo so she doesn't need to be in the group, earning a "Congrats" from Abby. And in the end, Kendall doesn't make the group after all. It's Team Juggernaut (Brooke, Maddie, and Chloe) who'll be dancing with Nick. As always, Jill-Cher screams about it not being fair or whatever but Abby is well aware that Jill-Cher is only concerned about herself.
The group warms up backstage and I'm pretty sure they're wearing the "Land Unforgiven" dresses (not Nick, of course. He's just dressed in a ripped tuxedo). I love the song and I thought the dance was pretty good and very slick. Christi thought Nick was excellent at showcasing the girls individually and with ease and Abby is confident she made the right decision. The routine, "Twilight" (screams into the night), wins first! Abby's on top of the world and Christi feels the victories were deserved. Then Abby blows it by asking if Jill-Cher has any final remarks. She does. Basically, yeah, they won which is why Kendall should be back on this team. You're kidding me right? Then she tries to shush Abby while Abby says that she doesn't solicit students. Jill-Cher says that Abby is a punisher (no shit, Sherlock) and that she only cares about herself. UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM... Yet another pissing match ensues with Jill-Cher screaming that all the moms suck while Christi calls her insane. Jill-Cher then proceeds to scream as Abby comforts poor Kendall, saying that it's going to cost her a lot of money for her (Jill-Cher's) therapy. If any one needs therapy, it sure as hell is going to be Kendall. She ends the episode by saying Abby's sick and is acting like a baby, forgetting that this is all being broadcast on national television.
Next time: The Olympics are coming so there won't be an entry for another two weeks! Paige has a busted foot so her duet with Chloe is in jeopardy, something the laughing Jill-Cher doesn't miss. Kelly cries, Christi blows a fuse and Chloe is terrified, crying and holding her chest like as if someone just ripped something off of it. I fear the worst...
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