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| EET'S TIME FOR PROJECT RUNVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! |
Skipping over the casting and the first few minutes of the Times Square Challenge, let's dive right in to see these new people go for the gold.
We're introduced to a Cheetah-hair-printed woman with a gooooooooorgeous accent named Buffi. Immediately, I took a liking to her simply because of the accent. She's half Indian and Australian but grew up in Dubai. She's wearing pink cheetah leggings. She could be a family friend. Gunnar, a designer who didn't even make the cut last season, is back with a horrendous hairstyle. Already, I'm picking up Joshua McKinley vibes from him and I HATED Joshua last season, so this should turn out well. They're the first to arrive at Parsons, drawing confusion from me at home. Gunnar tells us that, for the first challenge, they were told to create a piece at home based on their aesthetic. That's great and everything but why? We'll see soon because we've got more crazies to meet!
Lantie mistakenly calls herself 38 in her introduction (she's ten years older than that, ha ha!). Elena designs for the "edgy" girl and while I like her designs, I think her photos are frickin' scary. Then we're introduced to a crazy Japanese man named Koohan, who has an afro. Normally, I like the Japanese and their style and way of life, but this guy irritates the shit out of me and is in desperate need of Paxil. Melissa, who I called "Blondie" for a while because I caught the first episode at the halfway point and they refused to give out her name for a while, initially wanted to be a lawyer, saw how boring it was, and spent the last ten years earning her masters. She will be portraying the designer who LOVES black, like April and Stella from seasons past. Ven, an serious minded Indian dude who, like myself, possibly cares more about his passion than having a life, says that while avaunt-garde is nice, you're still going to have to be realistic and SELL things.
Uncle Tim swans into the work room and Buffi admits she has a fashion crush on him. Awww! Tim speaks to them about the HP Tablets and all the standard Tim-isms but also announces that, for the first challenge, the designers will have to create a companion piece to the design they made at home. Huh. He also says that this will be the BIGGEST presentation EVER in PR history. They shall be presenting their pieces in front of a live audience in Times Square. The designers are, naturally, nervous. Sketching time arrives and it's time to learn even more about this crew. Christopher almost worries me by playing the "nervous and can't believe I'm here" card. You know who did the same thing? Lashauwn Beyond and bitch was eliminated second on Drag Race so DON'T DISAPPOINT ME. He lives in Massapequa with his family after dropping out of college but he's confident. That alone makes me want to befriend him. Alicia, the dreadlocked lesbian, thinks her being a lesbian designer and her designs for tomboys will set her apart. Beatrice is worried about sewing, because she's not experienced there so she's set up with the Adios edit. She's also freaked out about time because it took her 4 days to make her original look so this one day challenge is going to kill her.
MOOD TIME! I pray that no one loses their money this time. As Koohan continues his insanity and need to have his coffee laced with valium, Melissa beelines for the blacks in a room we've never even seen at Mood before. It looks like a tux shop. Beatrice's Adios edit continues as she goes for the knits and goes on how she basically had to work for herself as a designer. Raul is a menswear designer who enjoys the free creativity that comes with designing womenswear. He seems like a dick. You know who else was like that? That creepy Keith guy who was disqualified for having pattern books and leaving production without permission to use email and visit his boyfriend. Seriously, what's with the character repeats? It makes these people a lot less interesting.
In the workroom, there's a spot on the wall with pictures of the past 9 winners of PR, including Anya the Great, and Christopher (I'm pretty sure he hates being called "Chris", kind of like how I despise being called "Christopher") clearly jokes about taking over that 10th spot. Old Broad Andrea is the oldest gal of the bunch at 58 but, unlike other old broad Peach, she's seems to be more hippie and less awesome chick. Andrea has every degree known to man in Art and is also a professor of fashion. Gunnar, at 22, is the baby of the bunch. Now, I tend to have a huge love for reality contestants with southern accents (Examples: Anthony Ryan from PR season 9, Ms. Jaclyn from ANTM cycle 16, and, of course, MS. LAURA from ANTM 13 and All Stars) but Gunnar makes me want to punch him very, VERY hard. Raul runs into some trouble with his fabric as it falls apart in his hands. Blue haired Sonjia (what what?) is pretty positive she has ADD and, although she's only had a career in retail management, is taking this opportunity by the horns and, like Dida Ritz, thinks everyone should love everyone. I'll predict she's an early ouster. Fabio from Brazil was practically put to sleep by his grandmother's sewing machine when he was a kid. He describes himself as a freegan, meaning that he gets his food from dumpsters. That's gross but I know where he's coming from, considering I've found 2 t-shirts, many hats, scarves, and gloves, 2 pairs of socks, AND a sweater lying in the streets. I'm missing a pair of pants and I'll have a complete trash outfit. Andrea thinks that, while he seems to be a nice young man, she won't be having dinner at his place anytime soon. LOL! Buffi jokes about being a "feegan", which is a fake vegan and says she likes to make people laugh. This doesn't work for incredibly serious and boring Dmitry, who likes to be quiet. As Mean Girl in the rising Gunnar speaks, Christopher has some issues with his sewing machine and is worried about sending a hot mess down the runway.
Over in the lounge, Melissa stares at photos of seasons past and Andrea thinks Dmitry looks like an actor. Well, he was a performer for a while! Or, at least, that's what I thought he said because he designed ballroom costumes for a while. It's getting ridiculously hard to stay focused on him because homeslice is boring as heck. I think I dozed off a bit while he described his designs as clean. In the workroom, Lancie's second design looks tacky to Buffi, and she saves herself from hypocrisy by saying "And I'm all about tacky!" so that's bad news for Lancie.
Hi Uncle Tim! Melissa is the first one to be critiqued and Tim finds her intriguing so she's in the clear. Sonjia doubts using her jacket and Buffi's design is color diarrhea to Dmitry. Desperately-in-need-of-Downers Koohan is planning on making a coat dress but everyone is confused in about 3 seconds. Beatrice shows off her knits, and Tim thinks Fabio's second skirt looks like a throwaway piece, causing him to panic. Gunnar is excited to be here and credits it to finding his market audience. Lantie used a vintage 60's dress and snakeskin for her design but Raul compares it to a prom dress. Elena was inspired by fencing uniforms and I'm impressed by her designs. She's worried about color (or lack thereof) and Tim's silence isn't helping. Ven is inspired by romanticism and both Elena and Melissa are thoroughly impressed. Raul thinks it looks ridiculous and bad. Karma will bite his ass later so don't worry. Andrea wants to make something punchy and shorter while Raul is concerned about making a dress. Tim is worried about the sheer skirt he's making that looks like an American Apparel knockoff. Christopher is next and Tim is impressed, especially since the sewing machine ate his original dress. Christopher exclaims that he could just KISS Tim but, you know, he doesn't and just fans himself. So he's into the older crowd? Hi there, kindred spirit! And then Tim leaves the room with the hope for a smashing runway tomorrow.
Koohan is panicking and just wants to shave his head (dear GOD please do) while Dmitry thinks Melissa looks like a groupie. Beatrice is having trouble sewing her top and establishes that this competition is HARD. The first battle begins when Christopher does a dead-on impression of Gunnar by chirping like a chipmunk. Mean Girl Gunnar gets all pissy and says that Christopher should shut up while Christopher one ups this by saying Gunnar belongs on Toddlers and Tiaras. Team Chris! The models arrive for fittings and not too much happens beyond Christopher discovering his model is two sizes smaller than the dress form. Lantie hates her dress and would rather make a case out of the snakeskin. In the 15 minute homestretch, Melissa is worried about her hemline, Raul whines some more, and the room is left behind in a disastrous mess. The designers finally arrive home at Atlas and receive goodie bags from L'Oreal which I'm not entirely sure why guys would need them but, then again, I just won't ask that question, especially since I'm set to portray a drag queen in the fall. Everyone then whines about the work they have to do but all I want to do is burn Fabio's hat.
Runway day sees seams flying, designers whining, and Christopher racing to finish his work. Tim arrives and everyone groans because this means that they only have 2 hours to do the works. Beatrice is practically screwed when she accidentally sews a hole through her top, probably facing the possibility of sending her model down topless on the runway. You know, I really hope that happens on this show someday. Ven thinks some people should be worried because he sees a lot of "student work". Catty much? After some last minute adjustments, Tim gathers the group to go on down to the runway.
Runway time in Times Square! Mean Girl Gunnar gay gushes about being there and I'm no more a fan of him than I was 30 minutes ago. After Heidi describes the challenge, she introduces the judges: Gay Melonhead Michael Kors, Resident Bitch at Marie Claire magazine Nina Garcia with guest judges actress Lauren Graham and costume designer, first judge EVER on PR, and all around kickass woman PATRICIA FIELD. I remember her from ANTM (the ANN WARD cycle) where she ripped the girls to shreds in the judging panel and I loved every second of it. Let the show begin!
Ven's pieces are chic, sophisticated, and beautiful but Beatrice's pieces are tragic messes. While Lantie's first piece is nice, her second is a disaster and both Andrea's dresses look like she pulled it from the Mila catalog. Christopher's dresses are both STUNNING and GORGEOUS, which made Alicia's following numbers look very ho hum. Elena is pleased with her looks and I thought they looked slick and cool. Buffi's looks, while party girl at best, look well made as Dmitry used way too many sequins so I guess he's still resting on "ballroom costume". For Koohan, I wrote "WTF. And more WTF" because, while I adore Japanese street fashion, his designs are hot messes. Mean Girl Gunnar has no regrets with his looks but his skirt looks like someone puked on it. Nathan's designs are like him, totally forgettable (did he even talk about himself?). Sonjia's jacket is awesome but the dress is BAD but Melissa's pieces are beautiful. Raul's top is too sheer and his dress makes his girl look ten pounds heavier. Fabio says his pieces are unusual but I say "unwearable", especially since his dress looks like a sack. And thus the show is over.
JUDGING TIME.
Heidi's impressed by the deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesigners work and since she never says that in the first episode, that must be pretty good. She rattles off the prizes which are virtually the same from every single season, only this time around the accessory wall and line-shilling website is now Lord and Taylor.
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| UND A TRËY OF CHEESES! |
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| OF COURSE, THEY NEED TO EAT!!! |
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| NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! |
Rather than attempt to learn everyone's names, Heidi calls out the 6 best/worst designers and dismisses the rest to celebrate in the lounge. And so for our tops and bottoms:
THE GOOD:
Melissa: Kors recognized her vibe the second her girls walked around the corner. He hopes she can do more than just "black clothes" because that could spell trouble for her. Nina liked her pieces, but liked her second one much better. Heidi would wear either of them and thinks they're modern. Lauren thought they told a story and that's hard to do with black.
Christopher: He's wearing the fabric as a scarf! Ha ha! Heidi is in LOVE with the gown but thinks the LBD didn't translate very well. But she still loves them both. Kors loved the fabric manipulation but he hates the girls' styling, seeing it as wedding-ish. Nina saw some issues in the LBD but the gown changed her mind, especially since Christopher hated the fabric. Lauren, who has seen every episode of this series, can't believe how much she can't tell in the detailing, especially with the black. Patricia likes the 30's esque aspect of the pieces.
Ven: Well, this was a no brainer. Heidi liked the cohesiveness and Kors liked the tailoring of the fabric and how he worked with the model's body. Nina thought he was technically good and the bustier was phenomenal. Lauren loved the suit and the colors.
THE BAD:
Koohan: Heidi wrote a lot of "???" on her card. It's strange and intriguing (HELL NO!). Kors says he has a look and it definitely won't go unnoticed, however he sees it as a joke and calls the romper "Teletubby". But at least he can sew. Koohan looks like he has no idea what's going on. Patricia appreciates his visual but it doesn't tailor up easily. Lauren thinks it's inventive and definitely not forgettable but she worries when he has to make something restrained, like a cocktail dress.
Beatrice: After listening to Beatrice give a five hour explanation, Heidi says she didn't like them and she hates the fabrics. She doesn't say she wants to pee on it, because that made my life last season. Nina gets that she likes knits, and the skirt is fine, but dress is much better without the cape. Kors says that it's not enough and he has no idea who this girl is. Lauren says that the dress is pretty but wishes she did other things. Patricia gets that she does "comfort" clothing but it didn't catch her eye. Somehow, I don't think comfort clothing is supposed to catch your eye, unless you're the type who wants to scream "LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS" in shrill tones.
Lantie: Heidi thought the snakeskin wasn't flattering. Kors has no idea what she's trying to say and thought the second piece looked like mosquito netting. Lauren thought the white dress was kind of happy but wished it had more of the flower detail. Nina thought she tried too hard and the second one was horrifying. Patricia makes a valid point that she may be more of a stylist than a designer, because all she did was rework vintage clothing.
Deliberations come and go and it's time to reveal our winner and unfortunate loser.
Winner: Christopher!!! I'd be more excited if he didn't have a painted fingernail. Man up! Gunnar, however, didn't like his arrogance. Well, shit, if it ain't the pot calling the kettle black.
Bottom 2: Lantie and Beatrice
Eliminated: Beatrice. Sorry, whoever you are. But knits are a kno kno.
THIS SEASON ON PROJECT RUNWAY!
Rockettes! Cars! Another unconventional challenge with candy! EMTs! Someone leaving (actually, E news said TWO people voluntarily left)! Lots of crying, screaming, and confusion! Disco Bridesmaids! And lots of bad, BAD critiques!
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