Duck Lips bemoans about being hated and that she does have people who love her. Initially, I took this as an "adios exit" but since everyone in this cycle has had ample amount of screentime, we may never know. Hoochie-Mama is still mulling over the fact that she was told she wasn't photogenic. It's here when I see that she looks a teensy bit like Jenna Ushkowitz (Hey! I went to the same high school as her!). Suddenly, Tyra enters in some really hideous business suit-like thing, with a guy named Martin who's main purpose in this episode I must have missed. But I guess they didn't see the girls were having a dress up party as they all enter in costumes and weird make up, proving there's some humanity in there.
Martin tells the girls that they should be booking covers and getting lots and lots of publicity. Has he ever seen this show? NONE of these girls get the publicity they think they're going to get. So, to help them out, he tells them everything the audience from the previous episode thought about them. Drunk Lisa is told she isn't trustworthy (with a standard "HUH? ME?" from her), so she gets slammed with an "Daring" value. Ugh. Hoochie-Mama, aptly dressed as a schoolgirl, is told she has an "Unexpected" value because she's an Asian chick from Harlem. Sure. Kayla Free, dressed as Kylie Minogue (the scarf outfit anyway), is told that her pride in her gayness was only cool, like, 7 years ago... say wha? This dude must be smoking something since it's that kind of gayness that's all over the news, but before I could get a chance to be angry, they FINALLY show one of the most freakiest openings I have ever seen.
During this commercial break, I realized that this show always has some stock cast list. It always has a bitch, a crazy black girl, that one chick no one knows who the hell is, a southern belle, and a Sara(h). But since this cycle is jammed packed with most in different categories (save for the Sara(h)), this should be interesting. And boring. At the same time.
We're back to find that Kayla Free's value word is... Free. Once again. What I don't understand is how confused Kayla Free is that she has free and doesn't comprehend how she'll represent it. Does she not remember the rocking photo she produced back in her cycle?!
I MEAN THE DAMN WORD WAS PLASTERED OVER HER BODY!!!!
She then tells us she'll "sleep on it". Get it together, girl!
Speaking of, Old Soul gets saddled with "Girlfriend", which I couldn't agree with more, though I think it should be spelled as "GURL-FRAAN!" Complete with explanation point.
He goes through the rest of the words, which were extremely predictable and spot on. Though the best was when he told BB Gun that she should model shoes. Cheap shoes. I agree with him. She didn't. Shocker. He also told Duck Lips she was annoying, which she scoffed at. What is it with these girls and denial?
Later, Bitchyanka heard some of the girls gossiping about her so, natch, she goes to complain. Then we have out first cat fight/bitchfest between the ghetto girls and the clueless(er) chicks. I say that because most of these girls are as dumb as a box of hammers.
The next day is the moment we're all waiting for... MAKEOVERS-- wait... Ty-overs? Tyra should never be allowed to experiment with portmanteaus ever again. Anyhow, Ashlee Simpson was there. Ordinarily, I would go off on her but, for some reason, she was pretty cute and adorable with pixie hair. Pixie hair that the equally cute and adorable Ms. Laura does not want. We shall see about that...
I was wondering what kind of crazy makeovers Tyra was going to give these girls, only to be let down by the fact most of them would be staying practically the same, and that the only ones who get "drastic" makeovers just get shorter hairstyles. Come on! I want extreme hair cuts! I want afros! I want bizarre colors! Can't one of these girls get something weird like lilac grey hair (Something I almost want to try. Almost)? Sigh...
Duck Lips gets shorter hair and is faking enthusiasm by screaming. If Man-Face thinks her acting is great, then she must think porn stars are Oscar winners. Drunk Lisa doesn't want her hair chopped off but the hairstylist, Yoshi (hee hee), makes the statement, "No, I WILL cut your hair!", which solidifies my love for him. Drunk Lisa gets pissed and reverts to her so called professional self from cycle 5 (on which her haircut is based upon). Mr. Jay tells her she looked dowdy with her long hair, to which I agreed with.
Elsewhere, another cut is being made, this time on Old Soul. She seemed gusto about it at first UNTIL they actually began cutting her hair. She goes and cries and talks to the producer about quitting in the bathroom (how fancy!) until she realizes WAIT!!! This isn't what a girlfriend would do! "In order to be a girlfriend, I have to be a girlfriend with myself first." she says. Always a deep moment with her.
And because she hasn't talked about herself AND complain about someone else in approximately, oh, 17 seconds, BB Gun doesn't think Hoochie-Mama is unexpected, SHE is. Um, no you're not. You're just loud and annoying and a pain in everyone's ass.
The J's return with lunch. It's hot dogs! Again, I was expecting Hoochie-Mama to scream "HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS! REAL FOOD!!!!!" Mr. Jay announces that for the photo shoot challenge, they will be advertising Pink's Hot Dogs, embracing their new value words and top photo gets a mention on their menu. Well, okay then.
Ms. Laura goes first and embraces her value word to a T. She ROCKS it, even prompting one of her funnier moments in the episode to Mr. Jay by saying, "I wanna hug you!" while covered in condiments. His response? "I would kill you." Sounds like me in both ways. Ms. Wawwlk goes next but does a horrible job, to the point where Mr. Jay brings Ms. Laura up to demonstrate what she should be doing. Old Soul comments on this by pointing out that using your COMPETITION to demonstrate this is really bad. I should know, since I sometimes was in Ms. Laura's position from time to time, dance-wise. But enough about that. Ms. Wawwlk ends up looking like a hooker and blames her wimpy film on the fact that she hasn't had a hot dog in over 2 decades. Keep in mind, she's only 33.
Keeping with typical photo shoot nonsense, we don't really get to see much of the other girls so here's the interesting stuff I caught. Hoochie-Mama, in order to be unexpected, adds rose petals to her plate. At home, I'm wondering what moron in their right mind would eat rose petals in their food. Mr. Jay tells her she looks like she has to pee.
Duck Lips cries (drink!) in happiness over her new hair. Kayla Free (whose deep red hair looks MILES better than her cycle makeover, which was oddly terrific) sees right through it, as do we at home. Duck Lips, unfortunately, does well, though she doesn't embody being "Tough". Maybe "dumb blonde" was a better choice.
Kayla Free has a hard time and I start to panic because she is (one of) my girls this cycle. Ms. Laura provides the line of the century by wondering "How DO you make a hot dog gay or lesbian?" This solidifies my SISTER'S love for her. We all love you Ms. Laura. Following her, Drunk Lisa's "Daring" move is to take a hot dog... without a bun! "What else could be daring?" she asks, causing my sister and I to laugh in hysterics. But Old Soul (another girlfriend... hey!) struggles, which I am also worried about.
JUDGING TIME! Blah blah blah Ashlee Simpson's top has a weird heart cut out on the chest. I hate it and love it at the same time. Strange? Time for the photo break down...
-Man-Face's "Survivor" is a dud.
-Bitchyanka's "Candid" is kind of cute.
-Leatherface's "Trustworthy" looks kind of solid, but she was barely featured in the episode at all so I don't care much about her this week.
-Ms. Wawwlk's photo is a BIG step backward from last week. It's so fake and so bad. ALT says it's "pageant", a kiss of death on this program.
-Ms. Laura's "Lovable" shines as much as the sparkly judging room. Yay! Well, make that two Yays for her faboo Haus of Wanda Sue dress. Please let there be more fabulousness.
-Tyra's Emmy's "Inspiration" photo is anything but. I said it looked like she was scratching her brand new cooch.
-Kayla Free's "Free" photo is just as bad as she mentions she's a bit clueless about her word. Ashlee tells her to think hippie. Tyra tells her to (according to me) show reckless abandon in an airy way, or "Let gooooooooo". I'm still wondering WHY hasn't anyone caught her "Free" bully-photo thing yet?!
-Pullip's "Unique" photo is pretty adorable, aside from the fact that the only thing from her face we see is ONE of her gigantic saucer eyes. Also, her panel outfit reminded me of Rhianna's outfit from the ANN cycle, and how I would read the recaps on EW about how much the author hated her hats.
-Duck Lips' "Tough" photo is anything but yet the judges sort of dig it.
-Hoochie-Mama's "Unexpected" photo is a total bust. Nigel doesn't find it exciting and that her leg is missing. The only unexpected thing she's doing, says Tyra, is donning jumpsuits to panel.
-BB Gun's "Persistence" pic is about half good for them, half bad for me.
-Drunk Lisa dons another raver's outfit with American Flag pants. WHY?! Her photo, however, rocks and totally fits her "Daring" value thingy.
-Then it's time for Old Soul to make us feel bad. She explains that she's not quite the energetic 19 year old we first saw her as but now, as a 25 year old, she wants to be seen as mature. Ashlee is 26 and is a little surprised about how totally untrue that is and attempts to do an old man voice, which makes me giggle. Now, I get that Old Soul wants to look mature (then again, she always has, aside from theRed Bull Energy Drink fiasco) and, hey, so do I, but I still have plenty of moments where I can be energetic and fun and not throw it all away. Her photo's okay but it's missing that spark. Oh noes.
Deliberations are brief and lots of uninteresting stuff happens... until Tyra does something stupid and pulls out a buzzer when she says "Which one of them will be CUT?" THEN I was horrified to see her cut. off. Nigel's. hair. I screamed as loud as the time when I found out Mike Ruiz was taken: Really loud.
Top photo? Drunk Lisa obvs. DAMN IT.
Bottom Two? Hoochie-Mama and Kayla Free, which almost gave me a heart attack. Now, my aunt initially thought Kayla Free was going to go home, but since I'm the savvy one who took Mass Media AND has been watching this show religiously, I know that there's a hospital visit involving our dear lesbian later this season so Hoochie-Mama's elimination wasn't a total surprise. However, we're going to miss her zingers and what would have been...
NEXT WEEK: Mario Lopez interviews the girls! And some odd stilt dancing! THIS BETTER BE GOOD.
Ms. Laura goes first and embraces her value word to a T. She ROCKS it, even prompting one of her funnier moments in the episode to Mr. Jay by saying, "I wanna hug you!" while covered in condiments. His response? "I would kill you." Sounds like me in both ways. Ms. Wawwlk goes next but does a horrible job, to the point where Mr. Jay brings Ms. Laura up to demonstrate what she should be doing. Old Soul comments on this by pointing out that using your COMPETITION to demonstrate this is really bad. I should know, since I sometimes was in Ms. Laura's position from time to time, dance-wise. But enough about that. Ms. Wawwlk ends up looking like a hooker and blames her wimpy film on the fact that she hasn't had a hot dog in over 2 decades. Keep in mind, she's only 33.
Keeping with typical photo shoot nonsense, we don't really get to see much of the other girls so here's the interesting stuff I caught. Hoochie-Mama, in order to be unexpected, adds rose petals to her plate. At home, I'm wondering what moron in their right mind would eat rose petals in their food. Mr. Jay tells her she looks like she has to pee.
Duck Lips cries (drink!) in happiness over her new hair. Kayla Free (whose deep red hair looks MILES better than her cycle makeover, which was oddly terrific) sees right through it, as do we at home. Duck Lips, unfortunately, does well, though she doesn't embody being "Tough". Maybe "dumb blonde" was a better choice.
Kayla Free has a hard time and I start to panic because she is (one of) my girls this cycle. Ms. Laura provides the line of the century by wondering "How DO you make a hot dog gay or lesbian?" This solidifies my SISTER'S love for her. We all love you Ms. Laura. Following her, Drunk Lisa's "Daring" move is to take a hot dog... without a bun! "What else could be daring?" she asks, causing my sister and I to laugh in hysterics. But Old Soul (another girlfriend... hey!) struggles, which I am also worried about.
JUDGING TIME! Blah blah blah Ashlee Simpson's top has a weird heart cut out on the chest. I hate it and love it at the same time. Strange? Time for the photo break down...
-Man-Face's "Survivor" is a dud.
-Bitchyanka's "Candid" is kind of cute.
-Leatherface's "Trustworthy" looks kind of solid, but she was barely featured in the episode at all so I don't care much about her this week.
-Ms. Wawwlk's photo is a BIG step backward from last week. It's so fake and so bad. ALT says it's "pageant", a kiss of death on this program.
-Ms. Laura's "Lovable" shines as much as the sparkly judging room. Yay! Well, make that two Yays for her faboo Haus of Wanda Sue dress. Please let there be more fabulousness.
-Tyra's Emmy's "Inspiration" photo is anything but. I said it looked like she was scratching her brand new cooch.
-Kayla Free's "Free" photo is just as bad as she mentions she's a bit clueless about her word. Ashlee tells her to think hippie. Tyra tells her to (according to me) show reckless abandon in an airy way, or "Let gooooooooo". I'm still wondering WHY hasn't anyone caught her "Free" bully-photo thing yet?!
-Pullip's "Unique" photo is pretty adorable, aside from the fact that the only thing from her face we see is ONE of her gigantic saucer eyes. Also, her panel outfit reminded me of Rhianna's outfit from the ANN cycle, and how I would read the recaps on EW about how much the author hated her hats.
-Duck Lips' "Tough" photo is anything but yet the judges sort of dig it.
-Hoochie-Mama's "Unexpected" photo is a total bust. Nigel doesn't find it exciting and that her leg is missing. The only unexpected thing she's doing, says Tyra, is donning jumpsuits to panel.
-BB Gun's "Persistence" pic is about half good for them, half bad for me.
-Drunk Lisa dons another raver's outfit with American Flag pants. WHY?! Her photo, however, rocks and totally fits her "Daring" value thingy.
-Then it's time for Old Soul to make us feel bad. She explains that she's not quite the energetic 19 year old we first saw her as but now, as a 25 year old, she wants to be seen as mature. Ashlee is 26 and is a little surprised about how totally untrue that is and attempts to do an old man voice, which makes me giggle. Now, I get that Old Soul wants to look mature (then again, she always has, aside from the
Deliberations are brief and lots of uninteresting stuff happens... until Tyra does something stupid and pulls out a buzzer when she says "Which one of them will be CUT?" THEN I was horrified to see her cut. off. Nigel's. hair. I screamed as loud as the time when I found out Mike Ruiz was taken: Really loud.
Top photo? Drunk Lisa obvs. DAMN IT.
Bottom Two? Hoochie-Mama and Kayla Free, which almost gave me a heart attack. Now, my aunt initially thought Kayla Free was going to go home, but since I'm the savvy one who took Mass Media AND has been watching this show religiously, I know that there's a hospital visit involving our dear lesbian later this season so Hoochie-Mama's elimination wasn't a total surprise. However, we're going to miss her zingers and what would have been...
NEXT WEEK: Mario Lopez interviews the girls! And some odd stilt dancing! THIS BETTER BE GOOD.
No comments:
Post a Comment