We all said goodbye to Sheena last week and wondered what will we do without her whimsical zingers. Tonight the answer, unfortunately, came in the form of Drunk Lisa hogging up as much camera time as she can get, to the point where I was POSITIVE she was getting the adios exit. Well, I was wrong.
We return to the Model Bus and Drunk Lisa is congratulated on her winning photo, but she confessionalized that she doesn't feel safe in the house since she's on top now. Pullip is wearing some freakish animal hat that, naturally, I want. She confessionalized that she's nervous this time around because she's aware that she's the strange girl of the house. All this while wearing the animal hat. GEE, YA THINK? But, still, we'd be pretty good friends. Though not BFF's like Jaclyn Poole from Cycle 16.
It's a new morning and all the girls are still breathing. Duck Lips does Leatherface's hair when there's a knock at the door. Duck Lips, ever the brave one, asks "Hello?" Keep in mind, she's in a mansion, with big rooms, and a heavy door that I'm pretty sure mystery person wouldn't be able to hear. The girls wonder who is there when we cut to the weird electroclash opening.
Turns out our mystery guest is Kristin Cavallari, reality show whore on from Laguna Beach (if you call that a reality show). She's here to talk about something I've been curious about on this show: Image and how it'll affect the women's careers post show. When asked by fellow annoyance BB Gun about a negative image, Kristin mentions that she managed to find an agency after her show ended with help from her manager. Dreams do come true. Old Soul notes that it's still possible to have some success after this madhouse and how it'll affect her longevity, where I found I've been mispronouncing it this whole time. Already, she's owning her girlfriend image.
The challenge occurs in the rain at the Grove at Farmer's Market and Nigel awaits on the trolley to deliver the challenge: Hold your own in an interview in two groups with Mario Lopez, who I still haven't forgiven over his boring performance in A Chorus Line (but at least he wasn't as horrible as Charlotte D'Amboise). The prize for the winning team is safety from elimination, which has only been awarded once before (I think). Ms. Laura says that the prize is a blessing and a curse as for one team it's an "amazing prize or stress for the losers." No, really? Whatever, I still love you.
During the challenge, while one team is being interviewed, the other is sitting behind the fancy editing table observing. Team One consists of Drunk Lisa, BB Gun, Duck Lips, Man Face, Tyra's Emmy and Ms. Laura. Drunk Lisa becomes very grating very fast and pretty much screws her team over with her incessant need to give her teammates high fives after being questioned. Though, after reading that last sentence, I thought I wrote "She gave everyone HIVES", which soon became, "She gave everyone HIV." Can you tell I didn't sleep well these past few nights? BB Gun tries to be "professional" which translates to her as "boring as a sack of crap". Tyra's Emmy utilizes her public speaking skills and continues to own up to her "Inspirational" value. While Duck Lips is attempting to answer a crowd member's question to why she put up a tough exterior last time, Drunk Lisa interrupts and I lost all interest since I became blind by her hideous neon colored tights. She needs to read this chart. Now. (It's now also my personal mission to say to one of my girl friends, "Look at you, Miss Fancy Pants!" because of that chart).
Team Two! It consists of everyone else, but I GUESS I should write them down here: Kayla Free, Old Soul, Bitchyanka, Pullip, Leatherface, and Ms. Wawwlk. Bitchyanka babbles about "Word vomit". Pullip is asked about her motives in a modeling competition when she's not quite into it but she manages to fire back with an elegant answer. The crowd question is directed to Kayla Free about if she's still troubled by men as seen in the heartbreaking moment from her cycle where she confessed that her fear came from a sexual assault. She says she has moved on (hooray!) but she apparently decides to use her freedom value NOW as she throws the word around trying to give it some meaning. Nice to see you slept on it, unlike me. Oh, and Ms. Wawwlk continues to exist saying she'll continue in the business aspect of the modeling worl-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Whoa, dozed off there. Team One is told they sucked basically but Drunk Lisa is sure they'll win. What cocky drug is she on? I really hope she gets the heave-ho. With the emphasis on "ho". Karma bites her ass as Team Two is declared the winners! Yay! And, as a bonus prize for doing so well, Pullip gets an extra interview with Extra... hey! They made a funny!
Duck Lips and BB Gun have a conversation about toughness and it doesn't take long for BB Gun to revert back to her ol' hood self that no one really likes. Kayla Free must be reading my mind because she mentions that an attitude like that won't work with the "Extra" correspondent prize offered (How I love you so). I always wonder why the girls who come off as negative even get jobs in the outside world after this program but, hey, fashion truly is about face, not soul. They sell theirs to the devil.
Tyra Mail states: "My, what long legs you have!" Naturally, the girls assume they're working with animals or tarantulas. Well, alrighty then. They are taken away to the photo shoot and are greeted by a man and two women dancing on stilts! Hello future job. Mr. Jay comes in wearing some Hot Topic ensemble-- hey! I own that shirt! Well, some variant of it but still. Now, if I tan about every waking second and dye my hair white blonde, and gain about 50 pounds of muscle, then we could be twins! Anyhoo, he says the photo shoot will involve the girls on stilts. Now Ms. Laura can finally be among the freakishly tall people. Oh, and they'll be posing in teams of two. It's here where I notice that Duck Lips has attempted to put her hair into pigtails. That only works if you're a 14 year old girl, not a 21 year old reality show contestant.
The teams consist of one safe girl and one unsafe girl, and I legitimately thought that it referred to their posing styles when the names came up to remind us who was on what team. The fashion is pop 80's, which, really, is black leotards. Bitchyanka is still terrified over heights but I was thinking that stilts aren't necessarily as high as dangling 50 feet over concrete in China. That is until I see these girls will be harnessed for this shoot. Damn it. So much for broken noses.
Man Face and Kayla Free are up first. Man Face has no idea how to use her face while Kayla Free talks about how she really wants to win it this time, but this time she doesn't throw the "Lesbian" card in there. Phew. Anyway, they were unmemorable.
Following were Ms. Wawwlk and Tyra's Emmy. Nothing interesting happens until Tyra's Emmy does some dancin' (different from "dahncing", dancin' means of the fun, booty popping, club variety) on the stilts... AFTER the shoot. Oh well.
Bitchyanka has a meltdown and goes to cry in the bathroom. Drunk Lisa gives the worst piece of advice by telling her, on the stilts (finally) to "Fall. Just fall." I'm pretty sure that won't make it any easier and I really hope you're going home. They look pretty horrible.
Pullip and BB Gun are up next and Pullip is killing it, simply because she wants to have fun at shoots from now on. She overshadows BB Gun, who whines about not having any muscle in her legs. Jay scolds her for not being as persistent as she was, like when she slept in the Port Authority bus terminal so she could audition (and not make it the first time).
Old Soul and Ms. Laura's turn! Aka Team Girlfriends, for the fact that 1) I wanna be friends with them and 2) They look like they were going to make out a few times. Weird.
Duck Lips and Leatherface are up but Mr. Jay asks about Leatherface's bottoms, asking if she's comfortable. In a "Told Ya So" moment, she says that she was told it was a bathing suit. I think she's dumber than she looks because the stylist could have easily lied to her. Duck Lips falls a lot and grunts like a man. She soon complains (drink!) that she hurt her ankle. I really wished that wire snapped on her. And the shoot ends with Laura spinning around with the dancing stilt man, which was all kinds of adorable.
For the pre-panel dress up, one of the girls tells Tyra's Emmy that she looks like a ballerina, to which she responds... "Oh mah gah, I'mma look like Black Swan!", providing the chuckle for the night. Now, between the commercial breaks, I noted two things, the first being that Dunkin' Donuts Hot/Iced Apple Cider really looks like pee. The second is that I really hope all these shows and movies about vampires are just part of a fad. Remember when people competed to date a celebrity and were given odd nicknames/ridiculous ceremonies on VH1 and MTV, only to get spin off where they themselves do the same/fight for cash/try to prove they're actually civilized? You don't find those shows there anymore.
Panel time! Tyra is still pants deficient, ALT still dressed like a grandpa, Nigel is still sexy and Kristin is barely shown at all. Now, before the indivdual critiques, I'd like to say that this shoot was probably one of the most fashionable I have ever seen on this show in a while and not gimmicky like "Let's pose with BEES!" and such. But I did notice the ever predicable outcome of the unsafe girls doing better than the safe girls because they knew their asses were on the line.
The breakdown:
-Team Blonde (Duck Lips and Leatherface) looks pretty good. ALT calls it very "Lady Gaga". Leatherface is told she's boring and Duck Lips leg grab makes the photo look "insane". In the good way, of course.
-Team AA (Pullip and BB Gun) is interrupted when BB Gun pulls a disclaimer, telling Nigel that she doesn't always act like the "professional" he saw at the challenge. Did she not learn anything from Kim from Cycle 5? Pullip looks phenomenal in the pic, pulling off a booty tooch and tooching her lips. BB Gun looks like a hot mess, both in the photo (where she looks like she's taking a dump) and in panel (as she's donning some hooker-ish shirt/dress).
-Team Boring (Man Face and Kayla Free) is just that. Boring. Nothing is happening. Tyra explains the booty tooch to Kayla Free, who is wearing what I believe to be Wendy Pepper's Postal Worker uniform, and how she could've utilized it. Oye.
-Team Brown (Ms. Wawwlk and Tyra's Emmy) aren't much better, but their photo is miles worse. Ms. Wawwlk attempts to save herself by bringing up that she thought of the stilt dancers in Trinidad but Tyra asks her about how would she make it fashion. Heh. Also, Tyra's Emmy is wearing one odd and bizarre hat.
-Team Girlfriend (Old Soul and Ms. Laura) is the only photo that I would dub as a fashionable magazine shot. It looks very solid but Old Soul's eyes are kinda dead. Also, another point for Haus of Wanda Sue.
-Team Grating (Drunk Lisa and Bitchyanka)'s photo looks kind of bad and I don't know what the judges see in it. I don't particularly find Bitchyanka appearing to shove her head up Drunk Lisa's vagina to be fashion forward. But she doesn't look as terrified as she did that day so... yeah. Nigel brings up that Drunk Lisa's legs are always wide open in every shoot so far but I stopped listening as horrific images entered my mind.
Deliberations fly by and Tyra and Co. have reached a decision. Unfortunately, it's not to shave Kristin's head.
Tyra calls the safe girls first so Top Photo goes to... Pullip! Yay! She was kind of on fire this episode. Tyra even mentions that they're adding "tooch" to the ANTM dictionary because of her photo, to which Tyra has her pronounce the word. Pullip does with a high pitch, ridiculously adorable "Tooch!" So cute.
Then, after the last safe girl is called, she calls the best unsafe photo which goes to... Duck Lips. Ugh.
Come on down, Tyra's Emmy (who looks a little bit like Shangela) and a non- hooker shirt/dress donning BB Gun (who doesn't look like herself at all). Tyra's Emmy is told she's falling from the pack (deja vu) and BB Gun is told she can't take notes well (not a surprise).
BB Gun's photo is seen as stronger and Tyra's Emmy is sent packing. WHAT THE HELL?! I can't even... wha? Huh? Ugh. Just when I was starting to think she was cool. So now, she and her oddly placed boobs are history. Boo!
Next week: The girls audition for (a role of a corpse on) CSI! And the inevitable episode where Kayla Free is hospitalized! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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