Guess what? I actually caught the premiere episode for once! Yahoo! Let's get to it...
We open to the Atlas Apartments AT NIGHT (variety!) with Kimberly of the Pants Tribe (yes, I do want a pair) grateful for the fact she lived through the Menswear challenge and Anya the Great bemoaning the fact that, yes, being in the bottom sucks. Elsewhere in the boys apartments, it's practically Mean Gays with Viktor as Queen B. But, then again, this pretty much is like any other conversation with gay men in the fashion world: A constant battle of one-up-man-ship in smug overtones. They all whine about menswear. Regina George aka Viktor worries that now the competition is winding down, people will start to become nasty. On this show? It's a given. Have they not seen seasons past?
Time for the challenge: Modernize 70's fashion. Umm, coming off the heels of that disastrous menswear challenge where the deeeeeeeeesigners basically made 70's inspired womenswear, it's a bit of bad timing to launch this challenge. Oh yeah, the winner's look will be sold on Piperlime. But, since their merchandise is pretty much aimed at women and cost a mere, oh, $500, the designers are basically crapping themselves in ecstasy.
Bert pretty much has an edge since he's the only designer who has lived through the seventies. Kimberly of the Pants Tribe uses her mama as inspiration and plans to make a sleek sexy secretary look. Anya the Great aims for a Jamaican vacation (he he). Laura does the same old crap she always does. OFF TO MOOD.
The designers run around grabbing whatever hideous print this store has, and I just thought back to the season 4 challenge where the designers created haute couture fashions based on hair and then Uncle Tim decided to throw them a curveball asking for a daytime look based on their design, and all you heard was "Dress!" Basically the same thing, only they're all bragging about what disgusting print they found. All seems to go same as always...
...UNTIL ANYA THE GREAT LOSES HER MONEY. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Seriously, I was on the floor screaming in pain. Uncle Tim, feeling horrible for her, tells her that if the other designers are nice enough, they could probably loan her money. Otherwise, she's forced to use muslin. Naturally, the other designers have nothing for her, except for Anthony Ryan who gives her... $11.50. Man, this blows for her. Even Uncle Tim points out the irony how she, ever the generous one, gave most of her fabric away in the past challenge and now everyone pretty much gave her squat. All she's able to get is a decent length of a tacky print, some buttons, and a zipper. She begins to cry and her makeup starts to run. Poor thing. :-(
In the workroom, it's slightly better when the designers begin to give Anya the Leper whatever fabric they probably weren't going to use... except for resident Mean Girl Viktor, who's going by the "survival of the fittest" tactic. Yeah, watch as no one helps him the next challenge while I laugh. Anya feels that she's going to need that magic spark and I feel like I need to fly through the TV screen to give her a massive big hug. Elsewhere, Joshua is creepily checking out Viktor's design, who, in turn, accuses him of copying him. Well, it IS a competition, you moron.
Meanwhile, Anya is in the bathroom going into her standard dying frenzy, doing something, ANYTHING, to make this muslin appear different. She's pretty much acting like I do after a long day of school. I get up early, go in, end up becoming stressed beyond belief due to the amount of work I have to face in the future, then, sometimes, it's followed by a rehearsal or a performance and, after all this traveling and stress, when I FINALLY get home and just want to sleep... I find dirty dishes in the sink and the place is a FREAKIN' MESS because it's MY job to clean it after all since I'm virtually useless and all I want to do is buckle over and cry. Poor girl is falling apart and literally bursting at the seams.
Kimberly of the Pants Tribe makes pants (what else?) but Laura doesn't think her fabric choices are great. She then goes on to tell us that the three girls (who I'll call the Triple Fairy Goddesses) made a pact to be honest with each other so they'll all make it to the final. Maybe they're just aiming to see a final three where they all like each other for once. In the end, they decide against it. Then we get some of Bert's hideous sequined outfit in the works and more "Joshua stealing Viktor" conspiracies.
Tim time! Guess what kids? The designers must make another garment BUT IT MUST BE A ONE PIECE GARMENT. Oh, and it's a budget of $50. The designers now all whine about how it's not a lot of money. Hey, guys, Anya's making her garment on $11.50. Shut your fat mouths. They go off to mood and, just in case, Anya pins her money to her shirt. Ordinarily, if I was pocketless, I'd just shove it in my underpants but everyone has their own method. Wouldn't it have been ironic if she found her money that day? Well, she doesn't but she does get more printed fabric to make a legitimate garment.
NOW it's Tim time! Basically, same old critiquing stuff. Laura bemoans that resident bitch at Elle Magazine (or wherever she works at) Nina Garcia is NOT a fan of her work so she's getting pissy at her. Anyways, the models show up for fittings and boy do these outfits look hideous. Then they leave and the designers go and make their second look. Poor Anya runs into more trouble when she accidentally makes her jumpsuit's legs a little too flowy to the point where elephants could fit in them. This just isn't her week. I'm just hoping she shows up the next day breathing and IN CLOTHES.
Well, she does and she's sewing like a beast, just like everyone else. I'll just point out here that I love her model's look, especially her hair which I assume is "in" now. Remember how fabulous Trailer Park Brittani/Lucille's makeover was? (P.S. I just learned that she now goes by her middle name "Autumn" in the industry. Saiwha?) Kimberly realizes she made her waist an itty bitty bit too small so she goes and sews in the ten minutes they have left. She's trumped when Anya only has ONE minute to fix whatever she needs to fix AND SHE STILL MAKES IT ON TIME.
By the way, did you see the bumper for Project Runway All Stars? Why is every freakin' reality fashion show having an All Stars Edition all of a sudden? This is ridiculous (hint hint: I want Mondo to win).
Time for the runway, with Olivia Palermo, who is some leading lady for Piperlime. The main look of the evening were jumpsuits, both good and bad. Hell, at the end of the episode, I wanted a damn jumpsuit. Or coveralls. Whichever comes first. The general breakdown goes...
The Safe:
Kimberly: Yeah, she gets the fun news that she's the only one who gets to go to the lounge and wonder what's going on out there. All alone. I bet they have footage of her talking to herself.
The Good:
Viktor: His suit is sleek and chic, though the t-shirt, although awesome, is a bit distracting. I wish he'd play with colors more often.
Anya: The big surprise of the evening! Her pieces actually look fantastic, and all are impressed when Anya reveals the true cost of her first look. You go girl!
Bert: Another stripper look and his second dress looks kind of ho hum. The judges are digging it. I'm not.
The Bad:
Laura: Her first look is bashed for its mismatched prints (her maxi-skirt looks like someone threw up on it). Plus, they look like clothes... not the fashion forward stuff the judges want.
Joshua: The plaid pants are HORRIBLE. And the judges point out they're in the wrong era. Joshua tries to defend himself but he just sounds like some smug ass.
Anthony Ryan: The looks just look garish. Nina says his girls look like boring girls that belong in a cult.
During deliberations, Joshua bitches about how he didn't really know the 70's but Kimberly is quick to point out that while most of them didn't live through those times, they still must be familiar with them in order to succeed in this business, let alone in this competition, to which Bert agrees. I also agree, albeit through an acting viewpoint. I usually explain to my aunt about how much effort I put into whatever show I'm in and, most of the time, it's learning about the time period. I can't go into a show set in 1972 with 2000's knowledge, otherwise the show would be a flop. So, Joshua should really just shut up.
The Winner: ANYA!!!! You go girl!!! (Happy dance!) Her second look (not the muslin one) will be sold online. Whoo hoo!
Bert also gets his ho-hum dress sold online as well. Well... uh, hmm.
The Bottom 2: Anthony Ryan and Joshua.
Eliminated: Anthony Ryan.
I'm really bummed about it, since he's so talented. But, looking back, he's been kind of slipping but still, this sucks. We'll miss you and you're eye for color... rather, lack of it.
Next Week: Drawing fashion from birds? And... what appears to be another. team. challenge? THAT DOES IT.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
ANTM All Stars: The Circus is in Town
We all said goodbye to Sheena last week and wondered what will we do without her whimsical zingers. Tonight the answer, unfortunately, came in the form of Drunk Lisa hogging up as much camera time as she can get, to the point where I was POSITIVE she was getting the adios exit. Well, I was wrong.
We return to the Model Bus and Drunk Lisa is congratulated on her winning photo, but she confessionalized that she doesn't feel safe in the house since she's on top now. Pullip is wearing some freakish animal hat that, naturally, I want. She confessionalized that she's nervous this time around because she's aware that she's the strange girl of the house. All this while wearing the animal hat. GEE, YA THINK? But, still, we'd be pretty good friends. Though not BFF's like Jaclyn Poole from Cycle 16.
It's a new morning and all the girls are still breathing. Duck Lips does Leatherface's hair when there's a knock at the door. Duck Lips, ever the brave one, asks "Hello?" Keep in mind, she's in a mansion, with big rooms, and a heavy door that I'm pretty sure mystery person wouldn't be able to hear. The girls wonder who is there when we cut to the weird electroclash opening.
Turns out our mystery guest is Kristin Cavallari, reality show whore on from Laguna Beach (if you call that a reality show). She's here to talk about something I've been curious about on this show: Image and how it'll affect the women's careers post show. When asked by fellow annoyance BB Gun about a negative image, Kristin mentions that she managed to find an agency after her show ended with help from her manager. Dreams do come true. Old Soul notes that it's still possible to have some success after this madhouse and how it'll affect her longevity, where I found I've been mispronouncing it this whole time. Already, she's owning her girlfriend image.
The challenge occurs in the rain at the Grove at Farmer's Market and Nigel awaits on the trolley to deliver the challenge: Hold your own in an interview in two groups with Mario Lopez, who I still haven't forgiven over his boring performance in A Chorus Line (but at least he wasn't as horrible as Charlotte D'Amboise). The prize for the winning team is safety from elimination, which has only been awarded once before (I think). Ms. Laura says that the prize is a blessing and a curse as for one team it's an "amazing prize or stress for the losers." No, really? Whatever, I still love you.
During the challenge, while one team is being interviewed, the other is sitting behind the fancy editing table observing. Team One consists of Drunk Lisa, BB Gun, Duck Lips, Man Face, Tyra's Emmy and Ms. Laura. Drunk Lisa becomes very grating very fast and pretty much screws her team over with her incessant need to give her teammates high fives after being questioned. Though, after reading that last sentence, I thought I wrote "She gave everyone HIVES", which soon became, "She gave everyone HIV." Can you tell I didn't sleep well these past few nights? BB Gun tries to be "professional" which translates to her as "boring as a sack of crap". Tyra's Emmy utilizes her public speaking skills and continues to own up to her "Inspirational" value. While Duck Lips is attempting to answer a crowd member's question to why she put up a tough exterior last time, Drunk Lisa interrupts and I lost all interest since I became blind by her hideous neon colored tights. She needs to read this chart. Now. (It's now also my personal mission to say to one of my girl friends, "Look at you, Miss Fancy Pants!" because of that chart).
Team Two! It consists of everyone else, but I GUESS I should write them down here: Kayla Free, Old Soul, Bitchyanka, Pullip, Leatherface, and Ms. Wawwlk. Bitchyanka babbles about "Word vomit". Pullip is asked about her motives in a modeling competition when she's not quite into it but she manages to fire back with an elegant answer. The crowd question is directed to Kayla Free about if she's still troubled by men as seen in the heartbreaking moment from her cycle where she confessed that her fear came from a sexual assault. She says she has moved on (hooray!) but she apparently decides to use her freedom value NOW as she throws the word around trying to give it some meaning. Nice to see you slept on it, unlike me. Oh, and Ms. Wawwlk continues to exist saying she'll continue in the business aspect of the modeling worl-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Whoa, dozed off there. Team One is told they sucked basically but Drunk Lisa is sure they'll win. What cocky drug is she on? I really hope she gets the heave-ho. With the emphasis on "ho". Karma bites her ass as Team Two is declared the winners! Yay! And, as a bonus prize for doing so well, Pullip gets an extra interview with Extra... hey! They made a funny!
Duck Lips and BB Gun have a conversation about toughness and it doesn't take long for BB Gun to revert back to her ol' hood self that no one really likes. Kayla Free must be reading my mind because she mentions that an attitude like that won't work with the "Extra" correspondent prize offered (How I love you so). I always wonder why the girls who come off as negative even get jobs in the outside world after this program but, hey, fashion truly is about face, not soul. They sell theirs to the devil.
Tyra Mail states: "My, what long legs you have!" Naturally, the girls assume they're working with animals or tarantulas. Well, alrighty then. They are taken away to the photo shoot and are greeted by a man and two women dancing on stilts! Hello future job. Mr. Jay comes in wearing some Hot Topic ensemble-- hey! I own that shirt! Well, some variant of it but still. Now, if I tan about every waking second and dye my hair white blonde, and gain about 50 pounds of muscle, then we could be twins! Anyhoo, he says the photo shoot will involve the girls on stilts. Now Ms. Laura can finally be among the freakishly tall people. Oh, and they'll be posing in teams of two. It's here where I notice that Duck Lips has attempted to put her hair into pigtails. That only works if you're a 14 year old girl, not a 21 year old reality show contestant.
The teams consist of one safe girl and one unsafe girl, and I legitimately thought that it referred to their posing styles when the names came up to remind us who was on what team. The fashion is pop 80's, which, really, is black leotards. Bitchyanka is still terrified over heights but I was thinking that stilts aren't necessarily as high as dangling 50 feet over concrete in China. That is until I see these girls will be harnessed for this shoot. Damn it. So much for broken noses.
Man Face and Kayla Free are up first. Man Face has no idea how to use her face while Kayla Free talks about how she really wants to win it this time, but this time she doesn't throw the "Lesbian" card in there. Phew. Anyway, they were unmemorable.
Following were Ms. Wawwlk and Tyra's Emmy. Nothing interesting happens until Tyra's Emmy does some dancin' (different from "dahncing", dancin' means of the fun, booty popping, club variety) on the stilts... AFTER the shoot. Oh well.
Bitchyanka has a meltdown and goes to cry in the bathroom. Drunk Lisa gives the worst piece of advice by telling her, on the stilts (finally) to "Fall. Just fall." I'm pretty sure that won't make it any easier and I really hope you're going home. They look pretty horrible.
Pullip and BB Gun are up next and Pullip is killing it, simply because she wants to have fun at shoots from now on. She overshadows BB Gun, who whines about not having any muscle in her legs. Jay scolds her for not being as persistent as she was, like when she slept in the Port Authority bus terminal so she could audition (and not make it the first time).
Old Soul and Ms. Laura's turn! Aka Team Girlfriends, for the fact that 1) I wanna be friends with them and 2) They look like they were going to make out a few times. Weird.
Duck Lips and Leatherface are up but Mr. Jay asks about Leatherface's bottoms, asking if she's comfortable. In a "Told Ya So" moment, she says that she was told it was a bathing suit. I think she's dumber than she looks because the stylist could have easily lied to her. Duck Lips falls a lot and grunts like a man. She soon complains (drink!) that she hurt her ankle. I really wished that wire snapped on her. And the shoot ends with Laura spinning around with the dancing stilt man, which was all kinds of adorable.
For the pre-panel dress up, one of the girls tells Tyra's Emmy that she looks like a ballerina, to which she responds... "Oh mah gah, I'mma look like Black Swan!", providing the chuckle for the night. Now, between the commercial breaks, I noted two things, the first being that Dunkin' Donuts Hot/Iced Apple Cider really looks like pee. The second is that I really hope all these shows and movies about vampires are just part of a fad. Remember when people competed to date a celebrity and were given odd nicknames/ridiculous ceremonies on VH1 and MTV, only to get spin off where they themselves do the same/fight for cash/try to prove they're actually civilized? You don't find those shows there anymore.
Panel time! Tyra is still pants deficient, ALT still dressed like a grandpa, Nigel is still sexy and Kristin is barely shown at all. Now, before the indivdual critiques, I'd like to say that this shoot was probably one of the most fashionable I have ever seen on this show in a while and not gimmicky like "Let's pose with BEES!" and such. But I did notice the ever predicable outcome of the unsafe girls doing better than the safe girls because they knew their asses were on the line.
The breakdown:
-Team Blonde (Duck Lips and Leatherface) looks pretty good. ALT calls it very "Lady Gaga". Leatherface is told she's boring and Duck Lips leg grab makes the photo look "insane". In the good way, of course.
-Team AA (Pullip and BB Gun) is interrupted when BB Gun pulls a disclaimer, telling Nigel that she doesn't always act like the "professional" he saw at the challenge. Did she not learn anything from Kim from Cycle 5? Pullip looks phenomenal in the pic, pulling off a booty tooch and tooching her lips. BB Gun looks like a hot mess, both in the photo (where she looks like she's taking a dump) and in panel (as she's donning some hooker-ish shirt/dress).
-Team Boring (Man Face and Kayla Free) is just that. Boring. Nothing is happening. Tyra explains the booty tooch to Kayla Free, who is wearing what I believe to be Wendy Pepper's Postal Worker uniform, and how she could've utilized it. Oye.
-Team Brown (Ms. Wawwlk and Tyra's Emmy) aren't much better, but their photo is miles worse. Ms. Wawwlk attempts to save herself by bringing up that she thought of the stilt dancers in Trinidad but Tyra asks her about how would she make it fashion. Heh. Also, Tyra's Emmy is wearing one odd and bizarre hat.
-Team Girlfriend (Old Soul and Ms. Laura) is the only photo that I would dub as a fashionable magazine shot. It looks very solid but Old Soul's eyes are kinda dead. Also, another point for Haus of Wanda Sue.
-Team Grating (Drunk Lisa and Bitchyanka)'s photo looks kind of bad and I don't know what the judges see in it. I don't particularly find Bitchyanka appearing to shove her head up Drunk Lisa's vagina to be fashion forward. But she doesn't look as terrified as she did that day so... yeah. Nigel brings up that Drunk Lisa's legs are always wide open in every shoot so far but I stopped listening as horrific images entered my mind.
Deliberations fly by and Tyra and Co. have reached a decision. Unfortunately, it's not to shave Kristin's head.
Tyra calls the safe girls first so Top Photo goes to... Pullip! Yay! She was kind of on fire this episode. Tyra even mentions that they're adding "tooch" to the ANTM dictionary because of her photo, to which Tyra has her pronounce the word. Pullip does with a high pitch, ridiculously adorable "Tooch!" So cute.
Then, after the last safe girl is called, she calls the best unsafe photo which goes to... Duck Lips. Ugh.
Come on down, Tyra's Emmy (who looks a little bit like Shangela) and a non- hooker shirt/dress donning BB Gun (who doesn't look like herself at all). Tyra's Emmy is told she's falling from the pack (deja vu) and BB Gun is told she can't take notes well (not a surprise).
BB Gun's photo is seen as stronger and Tyra's Emmy is sent packing. WHAT THE HELL?! I can't even... wha? Huh? Ugh. Just when I was starting to think she was cool. So now, she and her oddly placed boobs are history. Boo!
Next week: The girls audition for (a role of a corpse on) CSI! And the inevitable episode where Kayla Free is hospitalized! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
We return to the Model Bus and Drunk Lisa is congratulated on her winning photo, but she confessionalized that she doesn't feel safe in the house since she's on top now. Pullip is wearing some freakish animal hat that, naturally, I want. She confessionalized that she's nervous this time around because she's aware that she's the strange girl of the house. All this while wearing the animal hat. GEE, YA THINK? But, still, we'd be pretty good friends. Though not BFF's like Jaclyn Poole from Cycle 16.
It's a new morning and all the girls are still breathing. Duck Lips does Leatherface's hair when there's a knock at the door. Duck Lips, ever the brave one, asks "Hello?" Keep in mind, she's in a mansion, with big rooms, and a heavy door that I'm pretty sure mystery person wouldn't be able to hear. The girls wonder who is there when we cut to the weird electroclash opening.
Turns out our mystery guest is Kristin Cavallari, reality show whore on from Laguna Beach (if you call that a reality show). She's here to talk about something I've been curious about on this show: Image and how it'll affect the women's careers post show. When asked by fellow annoyance BB Gun about a negative image, Kristin mentions that she managed to find an agency after her show ended with help from her manager. Dreams do come true. Old Soul notes that it's still possible to have some success after this madhouse and how it'll affect her longevity, where I found I've been mispronouncing it this whole time. Already, she's owning her girlfriend image.
The challenge occurs in the rain at the Grove at Farmer's Market and Nigel awaits on the trolley to deliver the challenge: Hold your own in an interview in two groups with Mario Lopez, who I still haven't forgiven over his boring performance in A Chorus Line (but at least he wasn't as horrible as Charlotte D'Amboise). The prize for the winning team is safety from elimination, which has only been awarded once before (I think). Ms. Laura says that the prize is a blessing and a curse as for one team it's an "amazing prize or stress for the losers." No, really? Whatever, I still love you.
During the challenge, while one team is being interviewed, the other is sitting behind the fancy editing table observing. Team One consists of Drunk Lisa, BB Gun, Duck Lips, Man Face, Tyra's Emmy and Ms. Laura. Drunk Lisa becomes very grating very fast and pretty much screws her team over with her incessant need to give her teammates high fives after being questioned. Though, after reading that last sentence, I thought I wrote "She gave everyone HIVES", which soon became, "She gave everyone HIV." Can you tell I didn't sleep well these past few nights? BB Gun tries to be "professional" which translates to her as "boring as a sack of crap". Tyra's Emmy utilizes her public speaking skills and continues to own up to her "Inspirational" value. While Duck Lips is attempting to answer a crowd member's question to why she put up a tough exterior last time, Drunk Lisa interrupts and I lost all interest since I became blind by her hideous neon colored tights. She needs to read this chart. Now. (It's now also my personal mission to say to one of my girl friends, "Look at you, Miss Fancy Pants!" because of that chart).
Team Two! It consists of everyone else, but I GUESS I should write them down here: Kayla Free, Old Soul, Bitchyanka, Pullip, Leatherface, and Ms. Wawwlk. Bitchyanka babbles about "Word vomit". Pullip is asked about her motives in a modeling competition when she's not quite into it but she manages to fire back with an elegant answer. The crowd question is directed to Kayla Free about if she's still troubled by men as seen in the heartbreaking moment from her cycle where she confessed that her fear came from a sexual assault. She says she has moved on (hooray!) but she apparently decides to use her freedom value NOW as she throws the word around trying to give it some meaning. Nice to see you slept on it, unlike me. Oh, and Ms. Wawwlk continues to exist saying she'll continue in the business aspect of the modeling worl-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Whoa, dozed off there. Team One is told they sucked basically but Drunk Lisa is sure they'll win. What cocky drug is she on? I really hope she gets the heave-ho. With the emphasis on "ho". Karma bites her ass as Team Two is declared the winners! Yay! And, as a bonus prize for doing so well, Pullip gets an extra interview with Extra... hey! They made a funny!
Duck Lips and BB Gun have a conversation about toughness and it doesn't take long for BB Gun to revert back to her ol' hood self that no one really likes. Kayla Free must be reading my mind because she mentions that an attitude like that won't work with the "Extra" correspondent prize offered (How I love you so). I always wonder why the girls who come off as negative even get jobs in the outside world after this program but, hey, fashion truly is about face, not soul. They sell theirs to the devil.
Tyra Mail states: "My, what long legs you have!" Naturally, the girls assume they're working with animals or tarantulas. Well, alrighty then. They are taken away to the photo shoot and are greeted by a man and two women dancing on stilts! Hello future job. Mr. Jay comes in wearing some Hot Topic ensemble-- hey! I own that shirt! Well, some variant of it but still. Now, if I tan about every waking second and dye my hair white blonde, and gain about 50 pounds of muscle, then we could be twins! Anyhoo, he says the photo shoot will involve the girls on stilts. Now Ms. Laura can finally be among the freakishly tall people. Oh, and they'll be posing in teams of two. It's here where I notice that Duck Lips has attempted to put her hair into pigtails. That only works if you're a 14 year old girl, not a 21 year old reality show contestant.
The teams consist of one safe girl and one unsafe girl, and I legitimately thought that it referred to their posing styles when the names came up to remind us who was on what team. The fashion is pop 80's, which, really, is black leotards. Bitchyanka is still terrified over heights but I was thinking that stilts aren't necessarily as high as dangling 50 feet over concrete in China. That is until I see these girls will be harnessed for this shoot. Damn it. So much for broken noses.
Man Face and Kayla Free are up first. Man Face has no idea how to use her face while Kayla Free talks about how she really wants to win it this time, but this time she doesn't throw the "Lesbian" card in there. Phew. Anyway, they were unmemorable.
Following were Ms. Wawwlk and Tyra's Emmy. Nothing interesting happens until Tyra's Emmy does some dancin' (different from "dahncing", dancin' means of the fun, booty popping, club variety) on the stilts... AFTER the shoot. Oh well.
Bitchyanka has a meltdown and goes to cry in the bathroom. Drunk Lisa gives the worst piece of advice by telling her, on the stilts (finally) to "Fall. Just fall." I'm pretty sure that won't make it any easier and I really hope you're going home. They look pretty horrible.
Pullip and BB Gun are up next and Pullip is killing it, simply because she wants to have fun at shoots from now on. She overshadows BB Gun, who whines about not having any muscle in her legs. Jay scolds her for not being as persistent as she was, like when she slept in the Port Authority bus terminal so she could audition (and not make it the first time).
Old Soul and Ms. Laura's turn! Aka Team Girlfriends, for the fact that 1) I wanna be friends with them and 2) They look like they were going to make out a few times. Weird.
Duck Lips and Leatherface are up but Mr. Jay asks about Leatherface's bottoms, asking if she's comfortable. In a "Told Ya So" moment, she says that she was told it was a bathing suit. I think she's dumber than she looks because the stylist could have easily lied to her. Duck Lips falls a lot and grunts like a man. She soon complains (drink!) that she hurt her ankle. I really wished that wire snapped on her. And the shoot ends with Laura spinning around with the dancing stilt man, which was all kinds of adorable.
For the pre-panel dress up, one of the girls tells Tyra's Emmy that she looks like a ballerina, to which she responds... "Oh mah gah, I'mma look like Black Swan!", providing the chuckle for the night. Now, between the commercial breaks, I noted two things, the first being that Dunkin' Donuts Hot/Iced Apple Cider really looks like pee. The second is that I really hope all these shows and movies about vampires are just part of a fad. Remember when people competed to date a celebrity and were given odd nicknames/ridiculous ceremonies on VH1 and MTV, only to get spin off where they themselves do the same/fight for cash/try to prove they're actually civilized? You don't find those shows there anymore.
Panel time! Tyra is still pants deficient, ALT still dressed like a grandpa, Nigel is still sexy and Kristin is barely shown at all. Now, before the indivdual critiques, I'd like to say that this shoot was probably one of the most fashionable I have ever seen on this show in a while and not gimmicky like "Let's pose with BEES!" and such. But I did notice the ever predicable outcome of the unsafe girls doing better than the safe girls because they knew their asses were on the line.
The breakdown:
-Team Blonde (Duck Lips and Leatherface) looks pretty good. ALT calls it very "Lady Gaga". Leatherface is told she's boring and Duck Lips leg grab makes the photo look "insane". In the good way, of course.
-Team AA (Pullip and BB Gun) is interrupted when BB Gun pulls a disclaimer, telling Nigel that she doesn't always act like the "professional" he saw at the challenge. Did she not learn anything from Kim from Cycle 5? Pullip looks phenomenal in the pic, pulling off a booty tooch and tooching her lips. BB Gun looks like a hot mess, both in the photo (where she looks like she's taking a dump) and in panel (as she's donning some hooker-ish shirt/dress).
-Team Boring (Man Face and Kayla Free) is just that. Boring. Nothing is happening. Tyra explains the booty tooch to Kayla Free, who is wearing what I believe to be Wendy Pepper's Postal Worker uniform, and how she could've utilized it. Oye.
-Team Brown (Ms. Wawwlk and Tyra's Emmy) aren't much better, but their photo is miles worse. Ms. Wawwlk attempts to save herself by bringing up that she thought of the stilt dancers in Trinidad but Tyra asks her about how would she make it fashion. Heh. Also, Tyra's Emmy is wearing one odd and bizarre hat.
-Team Girlfriend (Old Soul and Ms. Laura) is the only photo that I would dub as a fashionable magazine shot. It looks very solid but Old Soul's eyes are kinda dead. Also, another point for Haus of Wanda Sue.
-Team Grating (Drunk Lisa and Bitchyanka)'s photo looks kind of bad and I don't know what the judges see in it. I don't particularly find Bitchyanka appearing to shove her head up Drunk Lisa's vagina to be fashion forward. But she doesn't look as terrified as she did that day so... yeah. Nigel brings up that Drunk Lisa's legs are always wide open in every shoot so far but I stopped listening as horrific images entered my mind.
Deliberations fly by and Tyra and Co. have reached a decision. Unfortunately, it's not to shave Kristin's head.
Tyra calls the safe girls first so Top Photo goes to... Pullip! Yay! She was kind of on fire this episode. Tyra even mentions that they're adding "tooch" to the ANTM dictionary because of her photo, to which Tyra has her pronounce the word. Pullip does with a high pitch, ridiculously adorable "Tooch!" So cute.
Then, after the last safe girl is called, she calls the best unsafe photo which goes to... Duck Lips. Ugh.
Come on down, Tyra's Emmy (who looks a little bit like Shangela) and a non- hooker shirt/dress donning BB Gun (who doesn't look like herself at all). Tyra's Emmy is told she's falling from the pack (deja vu) and BB Gun is told she can't take notes well (not a surprise).
BB Gun's photo is seen as stronger and Tyra's Emmy is sent packing. WHAT THE HELL?! I can't even... wha? Huh? Ugh. Just when I was starting to think she was cool. So now, she and her oddly placed boobs are history. Boo!
Next week: The girls audition for (a role of a corpse on) CSI! And the inevitable episode where Kayla Free is hospitalized! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Project Runway: Team Harm
Forgive me if this entry seems to be very choppy since I can only catch the rerun at 1 AM, especially since throughout the day I deal with going to school (to which I'm nearing my breaking point), followed by a show and running on empty virtually the entire time. Tired would be an understatement.
Anyhow, we open to the typical Atlas shots. There's really nothing interesting besides that Joshua is in his own apartment now and Anya realizing everyone who was eliminated was a friend, but still she must continue! Olivier from O-hee-oh (according to my aunt) says that he's going to try to find his confidence, which pretty much guarantees his elimination. Aren't the Adios exits handy AND stupid?
The challenge? Make clothes for an up and coming band called "The Sheepdogs" (I think). Once again, it's a team challenge. ENOUGH WITH THE TEAMS, we want to see everyone's individual talent and not be stifled by idiocy! Laura is worried because she tends to be on a team with that old fart Bert and he's notoriously a dead weight. When the band is revealed to not be pretty, drug abusing girls but hairy, hippie men, everyone is worried that yes, it's menswear, but none more than Kimberly, my gurl-fraan this season.
Mood time! Olivier is yelled at for wasting time, especially since there are deadlines to be made. Come on. Laura realizes that she has too many expensive things, which she jokingly states that she's noy, she only likes "nice things." Nice, SHINY things! Luckily, Bert has enough money to help her buy the rest of whatever crap she needs.
Designing time! I'd go into detail about what really goes on but read my opening paragraph. I caught Joshua in his undawears and his really hairy legs. Olivier continues to whine like a pre-teen about his working aesthetic. and Anya the Great notes that in the real world, there are going to be people of different sizes and they aren't going to be his ideal kind and, at the end of the day, the client matters. Basically, he was complaining that the mannequins don't match the band's measurements. Hey Olivier, virtually all men aren't MY size (120 pounds, 5'10") so shut up. Actually, there's even a bunch of girls who WISH they were my size (of course, they're skimming through fashion magazines, not looking at the starving, stressed, ready-to-quit not-model).
Joshua stresses that it's not a group challenge but it's an individual challenge within the group. Um, DUH-HUH. Isn't this what this series all about? Most of the designers are struggling BADLY as they only design for women a good 99% percent of the time, so almost all of these designs look like womenswear. It's so bad to the point where, during the Runway day commentary, I'm pretty sure Kimberly was ready to cry while she was explaining the differences about menswear style lines to us at home. Olivier's guy is left waiting FOR AN HOUR in his underpants for Olivier to finish his pants. Sounds like me during any given show, except that I'm just waiting for intermission to end before I actually must put pants back on.
Rather than have a runway walk, Heidi has the band perform two different songs. Our guest judge is the ever handsome Adam Lambert, who looks like an orange. The first team goes first and the band looks like a horrible Blind Melon cover band. The other team's looks just as bad.
The Good:
Bert: Really? I didn't like it as much as the judges did. I thought it was kind of plain.
Joshua: His outfit was sort of okay. I do want the pants but obviously not with that hideous fly.
Viktor: His outfit was the only one that was passable for this band and for the public. Again, I want the pants.
The Bad:
Anya: Noooooooooo! ...Well, she even told us she saw this coming. Her outfit isn't so bad but I swear I have something similar, just not in brown, which is a big uh oh.
Kimberly: She's been a mess this entire episode and her outfit shows this. It's a mess. A womenswear mess.
Olivier: It looks like the Golden Girls had food poisoning from eating too much cheesecake and threw up all over this guy. Strangely, he doesn't think he's going home. The not-as-stupid public is pretty sure he is.
The winner: Viktor. Clearly. His was the only workable design amongst all this crap.
The eliminated: Olivier. Clearly. I want to burn that thing.
I didn't stay awake long enough to watch the critiques so I did research to find out who was what. Anyways, Olivier pretty much deserved to go home in this episode. No one will really miss your delusional, annoying self.
Anyhow, we open to the typical Atlas shots. There's really nothing interesting besides that Joshua is in his own apartment now and Anya realizing everyone who was eliminated was a friend, but still she must continue! Olivier from O-hee-oh (according to my aunt) says that he's going to try to find his confidence, which pretty much guarantees his elimination. Aren't the Adios exits handy AND stupid?
The challenge? Make clothes for an up and coming band called "The Sheepdogs" (I think). Once again, it's a team challenge. ENOUGH WITH THE TEAMS, we want to see everyone's individual talent and not be stifled by idiocy! Laura is worried because she tends to be on a team with that old fart Bert and he's notoriously a dead weight. When the band is revealed to not be pretty, drug abusing girls but hairy, hippie men, everyone is worried that yes, it's menswear, but none more than Kimberly, my gurl-fraan this season.
Mood time! Olivier is yelled at for wasting time, especially since there are deadlines to be made. Come on. Laura realizes that she has too many expensive things, which she jokingly states that she's noy, she only likes "nice things." Nice, SHINY things! Luckily, Bert has enough money to help her buy the rest of whatever crap she needs.
Designing time! I'd go into detail about what really goes on but read my opening paragraph. I caught Joshua in his undawears and his really hairy legs. Olivier continues to whine like a pre-teen about his working aesthetic. and Anya the Great notes that in the real world, there are going to be people of different sizes and they aren't going to be his ideal kind and, at the end of the day, the client matters. Basically, he was complaining that the mannequins don't match the band's measurements. Hey Olivier, virtually all men aren't MY size (120 pounds, 5'10") so shut up. Actually, there's even a bunch of girls who WISH they were my size (of course, they're skimming through fashion magazines, not looking at the starving, stressed, ready-to-quit not-model).
Joshua stresses that it's not a group challenge but it's an individual challenge within the group. Um, DUH-HUH. Isn't this what this series all about? Most of the designers are struggling BADLY as they only design for women a good 99% percent of the time, so almost all of these designs look like womenswear. It's so bad to the point where, during the Runway day commentary, I'm pretty sure Kimberly was ready to cry while she was explaining the differences about menswear style lines to us at home. Olivier's guy is left waiting FOR AN HOUR in his underpants for Olivier to finish his pants. Sounds like me during any given show, except that I'm just waiting for intermission to end before I actually must put pants back on.
Rather than have a runway walk, Heidi has the band perform two different songs. Our guest judge is the ever handsome Adam Lambert, who looks like an orange. The first team goes first and the band looks like a horrible Blind Melon cover band. The other team's looks just as bad.
The Good:
Bert: Really? I didn't like it as much as the judges did. I thought it was kind of plain.
Joshua: His outfit was sort of okay. I do want the pants but obviously not with that hideous fly.
Viktor: His outfit was the only one that was passable for this band and for the public. Again, I want the pants.
The Bad:
Anya: Noooooooooo! ...Well, she even told us she saw this coming. Her outfit isn't so bad but I swear I have something similar, just not in brown, which is a big uh oh.
Kimberly: She's been a mess this entire episode and her outfit shows this. It's a mess. A womenswear mess.
Olivier: It looks like the Golden Girls had food poisoning from eating too much cheesecake and threw up all over this guy. Strangely, he doesn't think he's going home. The not-as-stupid public is pretty sure he is.
The winner: Viktor. Clearly. His was the only workable design amongst all this crap.
The eliminated: Olivier. Clearly. I want to burn that thing.
I didn't stay awake long enough to watch the critiques so I did research to find out who was what. Anyways, Olivier pretty much deserved to go home in this episode. No one will really miss your delusional, annoying self.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
ANTM All Stars: Whiners and Wieners
Coming fresh off from the previous episode where Brittany was eliminated, we... jump straight into footage? All the girls are donning ridiculous head wraps so that means IT'S THE MAKEOVER EPISODE!!! The only episode everyone (specifically my sister) looks forward to! But before all that happens...
Duck Lips bemoans about being hated and that she does have people who love her. Initially, I took this as an "adios exit" but since everyone in this cycle has had ample amount of screentime, we may never know. Hoochie-Mama is still mulling over the fact that she was told she wasn't photogenic. It's here when I see that she looks a teensy bit like Jenna Ushkowitz (Hey! I went to the same high school as her!). Suddenly, Tyra enters in some really hideous business suit-like thing, with a guy named Martin who's main purpose in this episode I must have missed. But I guess they didn't see the girls were having a dress up party as they all enter in costumes and weird make up, proving there's some humanity in there.
Martin tells the girls that they should be booking covers and getting lots and lots of publicity. Has he ever seen this show? NONE of these girls get the publicity they think they're going to get. So, to help them out, he tells them everything the audience from the previous episode thought about them. Drunk Lisa is told she isn't trustworthy (with a standard "HUH? ME?" from her), so she gets slammed with an "Daring" value. Ugh. Hoochie-Mama, aptly dressed as a schoolgirl, is told she has an "Unexpected" value because she's an Asian chick from Harlem. Sure. Kayla Free, dressed as Kylie Minogue (the scarf outfit anyway), is told that her pride in her gayness was only cool, like, 7 years ago... say wha? This dude must be smoking something since it's that kind of gayness that's all over the news, but before I could get a chance to be angry, they FINALLY show one of the most freakiest openings I have ever seen.
During this commercial break, I realized that this show always has some stock cast list. It always has a bitch, a crazy black girl, that one chick no one knows who the hell is, a southern belle, and a Sara(h). But since this cycle is jammed packed with most in different categories (save for the Sara(h)), this should be interesting. And boring. At the same time.
We're back to find that Kayla Free's value word is... Free. Once again. What I don't understand is how confused Kayla Free is that she has free and doesn't comprehend how she'll represent it. Does she not remember the rocking photo she produced back in her cycle?!
Duck Lips bemoans about being hated and that she does have people who love her. Initially, I took this as an "adios exit" but since everyone in this cycle has had ample amount of screentime, we may never know. Hoochie-Mama is still mulling over the fact that she was told she wasn't photogenic. It's here when I see that she looks a teensy bit like Jenna Ushkowitz (Hey! I went to the same high school as her!). Suddenly, Tyra enters in some really hideous business suit-like thing, with a guy named Martin who's main purpose in this episode I must have missed. But I guess they didn't see the girls were having a dress up party as they all enter in costumes and weird make up, proving there's some humanity in there.
Martin tells the girls that they should be booking covers and getting lots and lots of publicity. Has he ever seen this show? NONE of these girls get the publicity they think they're going to get. So, to help them out, he tells them everything the audience from the previous episode thought about them. Drunk Lisa is told she isn't trustworthy (with a standard "HUH? ME?" from her), so she gets slammed with an "Daring" value. Ugh. Hoochie-Mama, aptly dressed as a schoolgirl, is told she has an "Unexpected" value because she's an Asian chick from Harlem. Sure. Kayla Free, dressed as Kylie Minogue (the scarf outfit anyway), is told that her pride in her gayness was only cool, like, 7 years ago... say wha? This dude must be smoking something since it's that kind of gayness that's all over the news, but before I could get a chance to be angry, they FINALLY show one of the most freakiest openings I have ever seen.
During this commercial break, I realized that this show always has some stock cast list. It always has a bitch, a crazy black girl, that one chick no one knows who the hell is, a southern belle, and a Sara(h). But since this cycle is jammed packed with most in different categories (save for the Sara(h)), this should be interesting. And boring. At the same time.
We're back to find that Kayla Free's value word is... Free. Once again. What I don't understand is how confused Kayla Free is that she has free and doesn't comprehend how she'll represent it. Does she not remember the rocking photo she produced back in her cycle?!
I MEAN THE DAMN WORD WAS PLASTERED OVER HER BODY!!!!
She then tells us she'll "sleep on it". Get it together, girl!
Speaking of, Old Soul gets saddled with "Girlfriend", which I couldn't agree with more, though I think it should be spelled as "GURL-FRAAN!" Complete with explanation point.
He goes through the rest of the words, which were extremely predictable and spot on. Though the best was when he told BB Gun that she should model shoes. Cheap shoes. I agree with him. She didn't. Shocker. He also told Duck Lips she was annoying, which she scoffed at. What is it with these girls and denial?
Later, Bitchyanka heard some of the girls gossiping about her so, natch, she goes to complain. Then we have out first cat fight/bitchfest between the ghetto girls and the clueless(er) chicks. I say that because most of these girls are as dumb as a box of hammers.
The next day is the moment we're all waiting for... MAKEOVERS-- wait... Ty-overs? Tyra should never be allowed to experiment with portmanteaus ever again. Anyhow, Ashlee Simpson was there. Ordinarily, I would go off on her but, for some reason, she was pretty cute and adorable with pixie hair. Pixie hair that the equally cute and adorable Ms. Laura does not want. We shall see about that...
I was wondering what kind of crazy makeovers Tyra was going to give these girls, only to be let down by the fact most of them would be staying practically the same, and that the only ones who get "drastic" makeovers just get shorter hairstyles. Come on! I want extreme hair cuts! I want afros! I want bizarre colors! Can't one of these girls get something weird like lilac grey hair (Something I almost want to try. Almost)? Sigh...
Duck Lips gets shorter hair and is faking enthusiasm by screaming. If Man-Face thinks her acting is great, then she must think porn stars are Oscar winners. Drunk Lisa doesn't want her hair chopped off but the hairstylist, Yoshi (hee hee), makes the statement, "No, I WILL cut your hair!", which solidifies my love for him. Drunk Lisa gets pissed and reverts to her so called professional self from cycle 5 (on which her haircut is based upon). Mr. Jay tells her she looked dowdy with her long hair, to which I agreed with.
Elsewhere, another cut is being made, this time on Old Soul. She seemed gusto about it at first UNTIL they actually began cutting her hair. She goes and cries and talks to the producer about quitting in the bathroom (how fancy!) until she realizes WAIT!!! This isn't what a girlfriend would do! "In order to be a girlfriend, I have to be a girlfriend with myself first." she says. Always a deep moment with her.
And because she hasn't talked about herself AND complain about someone else in approximately, oh, 17 seconds, BB Gun doesn't think Hoochie-Mama is unexpected, SHE is. Um, no you're not. You're just loud and annoying and a pain in everyone's ass.
The J's return with lunch. It's hot dogs! Again, I was expecting Hoochie-Mama to scream "HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS! REAL FOOD!!!!!" Mr. Jay announces that for the photo shoot challenge, they will be advertising Pink's Hot Dogs, embracing their new value words and top photo gets a mention on their menu. Well, okay then.
Ms. Laura goes first and embraces her value word to a T. She ROCKS it, even prompting one of her funnier moments in the episode to Mr. Jay by saying, "I wanna hug you!" while covered in condiments. His response? "I would kill you." Sounds like me in both ways. Ms. Wawwlk goes next but does a horrible job, to the point where Mr. Jay brings Ms. Laura up to demonstrate what she should be doing. Old Soul comments on this by pointing out that using your COMPETITION to demonstrate this is really bad. I should know, since I sometimes was in Ms. Laura's position from time to time, dance-wise. But enough about that. Ms. Wawwlk ends up looking like a hooker and blames her wimpy film on the fact that she hasn't had a hot dog in over 2 decades. Keep in mind, she's only 33.
Keeping with typical photo shoot nonsense, we don't really get to see much of the other girls so here's the interesting stuff I caught. Hoochie-Mama, in order to be unexpected, adds rose petals to her plate. At home, I'm wondering what moron in their right mind would eat rose petals in their food. Mr. Jay tells her she looks like she has to pee.
Duck Lips cries (drink!) in happiness over her new hair. Kayla Free (whose deep red hair looks MILES better than her cycle makeover, which was oddly terrific) sees right through it, as do we at home. Duck Lips, unfortunately, does well, though she doesn't embody being "Tough". Maybe "dumb blonde" was a better choice.
Kayla Free has a hard time and I start to panic because she is (one of) my girls this cycle. Ms. Laura provides the line of the century by wondering "How DO you make a hot dog gay or lesbian?" This solidifies my SISTER'S love for her. We all love you Ms. Laura. Following her, Drunk Lisa's "Daring" move is to take a hot dog... without a bun! "What else could be daring?" she asks, causing my sister and I to laugh in hysterics. But Old Soul (another girlfriend... hey!) struggles, which I am also worried about.
JUDGING TIME! Blah blah blah Ashlee Simpson's top has a weird heart cut out on the chest. I hate it and love it at the same time. Strange? Time for the photo break down...
-Man-Face's "Survivor" is a dud.
-Bitchyanka's "Candid" is kind of cute.
-Leatherface's "Trustworthy" looks kind of solid, but she was barely featured in the episode at all so I don't care much about her this week.
-Ms. Wawwlk's photo is a BIG step backward from last week. It's so fake and so bad. ALT says it's "pageant", a kiss of death on this program.
-Ms. Laura's "Lovable" shines as much as the sparkly judging room. Yay! Well, make that two Yays for her faboo Haus of Wanda Sue dress. Please let there be more fabulousness.
-Tyra's Emmy's "Inspiration" photo is anything but. I said it looked like she was scratching her brand new cooch.
-Kayla Free's "Free" photo is just as bad as she mentions she's a bit clueless about her word. Ashlee tells her to think hippie. Tyra tells her to (according to me) show reckless abandon in an airy way, or "Let gooooooooo". I'm still wondering WHY hasn't anyone caught her "Free" bully-photo thing yet?!
-Pullip's "Unique" photo is pretty adorable, aside from the fact that the only thing from her face we see is ONE of her gigantic saucer eyes. Also, her panel outfit reminded me of Rhianna's outfit from the ANN cycle, and how I would read the recaps on EW about how much the author hated her hats.
-Duck Lips' "Tough" photo is anything but yet the judges sort of dig it.
-Hoochie-Mama's "Unexpected" photo is a total bust. Nigel doesn't find it exciting and that her leg is missing. The only unexpected thing she's doing, says Tyra, is donning jumpsuits to panel.
-BB Gun's "Persistence" pic is about half good for them, half bad for me.
-Drunk Lisa dons another raver's outfit with American Flag pants. WHY?! Her photo, however, rocks and totally fits her "Daring" value thingy.
-Then it's time for Old Soul to make us feel bad. She explains that she's not quite the energetic 19 year old we first saw her as but now, as a 25 year old, she wants to be seen as mature. Ashlee is 26 and is a little surprised about how totally untrue that is and attempts to do an old man voice, which makes me giggle. Now, I get that Old Soul wants to look mature (then again, she always has, aside from theRed Bull Energy Drink fiasco) and, hey, so do I, but I still have plenty of moments where I can be energetic and fun and not throw it all away. Her photo's okay but it's missing that spark. Oh noes.
Deliberations are brief and lots of uninteresting stuff happens... until Tyra does something stupid and pulls out a buzzer when she says "Which one of them will be CUT?" THEN I was horrified to see her cut. off. Nigel's. hair. I screamed as loud as the time when I found out Mike Ruiz was taken: Really loud.
Top photo? Drunk Lisa obvs. DAMN IT.
Bottom Two? Hoochie-Mama and Kayla Free, which almost gave me a heart attack. Now, my aunt initially thought Kayla Free was going to go home, but since I'm the savvy one who took Mass Media AND has been watching this show religiously, I know that there's a hospital visit involving our dear lesbian later this season so Hoochie-Mama's elimination wasn't a total surprise. However, we're going to miss her zingers and what would have been...
NEXT WEEK: Mario Lopez interviews the girls! And some odd stilt dancing! THIS BETTER BE GOOD.
Ms. Laura goes first and embraces her value word to a T. She ROCKS it, even prompting one of her funnier moments in the episode to Mr. Jay by saying, "I wanna hug you!" while covered in condiments. His response? "I would kill you." Sounds like me in both ways. Ms. Wawwlk goes next but does a horrible job, to the point where Mr. Jay brings Ms. Laura up to demonstrate what she should be doing. Old Soul comments on this by pointing out that using your COMPETITION to demonstrate this is really bad. I should know, since I sometimes was in Ms. Laura's position from time to time, dance-wise. But enough about that. Ms. Wawwlk ends up looking like a hooker and blames her wimpy film on the fact that she hasn't had a hot dog in over 2 decades. Keep in mind, she's only 33.
Keeping with typical photo shoot nonsense, we don't really get to see much of the other girls so here's the interesting stuff I caught. Hoochie-Mama, in order to be unexpected, adds rose petals to her plate. At home, I'm wondering what moron in their right mind would eat rose petals in their food. Mr. Jay tells her she looks like she has to pee.
Duck Lips cries (drink!) in happiness over her new hair. Kayla Free (whose deep red hair looks MILES better than her cycle makeover, which was oddly terrific) sees right through it, as do we at home. Duck Lips, unfortunately, does well, though she doesn't embody being "Tough". Maybe "dumb blonde" was a better choice.
Kayla Free has a hard time and I start to panic because she is (one of) my girls this cycle. Ms. Laura provides the line of the century by wondering "How DO you make a hot dog gay or lesbian?" This solidifies my SISTER'S love for her. We all love you Ms. Laura. Following her, Drunk Lisa's "Daring" move is to take a hot dog... without a bun! "What else could be daring?" she asks, causing my sister and I to laugh in hysterics. But Old Soul (another girlfriend... hey!) struggles, which I am also worried about.
JUDGING TIME! Blah blah blah Ashlee Simpson's top has a weird heart cut out on the chest. I hate it and love it at the same time. Strange? Time for the photo break down...
-Man-Face's "Survivor" is a dud.
-Bitchyanka's "Candid" is kind of cute.
-Leatherface's "Trustworthy" looks kind of solid, but she was barely featured in the episode at all so I don't care much about her this week.
-Ms. Wawwlk's photo is a BIG step backward from last week. It's so fake and so bad. ALT says it's "pageant", a kiss of death on this program.
-Ms. Laura's "Lovable" shines as much as the sparkly judging room. Yay! Well, make that two Yays for her faboo Haus of Wanda Sue dress. Please let there be more fabulousness.
-Tyra's Emmy's "Inspiration" photo is anything but. I said it looked like she was scratching her brand new cooch.
-Kayla Free's "Free" photo is just as bad as she mentions she's a bit clueless about her word. Ashlee tells her to think hippie. Tyra tells her to (according to me) show reckless abandon in an airy way, or "Let gooooooooo". I'm still wondering WHY hasn't anyone caught her "Free" bully-photo thing yet?!
-Pullip's "Unique" photo is pretty adorable, aside from the fact that the only thing from her face we see is ONE of her gigantic saucer eyes. Also, her panel outfit reminded me of Rhianna's outfit from the ANN cycle, and how I would read the recaps on EW about how much the author hated her hats.
-Duck Lips' "Tough" photo is anything but yet the judges sort of dig it.
-Hoochie-Mama's "Unexpected" photo is a total bust. Nigel doesn't find it exciting and that her leg is missing. The only unexpected thing she's doing, says Tyra, is donning jumpsuits to panel.
-BB Gun's "Persistence" pic is about half good for them, half bad for me.
-Drunk Lisa dons another raver's outfit with American Flag pants. WHY?! Her photo, however, rocks and totally fits her "Daring" value thingy.
-Then it's time for Old Soul to make us feel bad. She explains that she's not quite the energetic 19 year old we first saw her as but now, as a 25 year old, she wants to be seen as mature. Ashlee is 26 and is a little surprised about how totally untrue that is and attempts to do an old man voice, which makes me giggle. Now, I get that Old Soul wants to look mature (then again, she always has, aside from the
Deliberations are brief and lots of uninteresting stuff happens... until Tyra does something stupid and pulls out a buzzer when she says "Which one of them will be CUT?" THEN I was horrified to see her cut. off. Nigel's. hair. I screamed as loud as the time when I found out Mike Ruiz was taken: Really loud.
Top photo? Drunk Lisa obvs. DAMN IT.
Bottom Two? Hoochie-Mama and Kayla Free, which almost gave me a heart attack. Now, my aunt initially thought Kayla Free was going to go home, but since I'm the savvy one who took Mass Media AND has been watching this show religiously, I know that there's a hospital visit involving our dear lesbian later this season so Hoochie-Mama's elimination wasn't a total surprise. However, we're going to miss her zingers and what would have been...
NEXT WEEK: Mario Lopez interviews the girls! And some odd stilt dancing! THIS BETTER BE GOOD.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Project Runway- Wives and Lovers
At the request of my aunt, I'll be attempting to recap this season of PR too... well, at this point anyhow. Let's see how this goes.
We open up to the standard Atlas Apartments opening shots and find the final three girls chatting. Anya (the Great) notes that while it's a competition, it's still nice to have some form of comradeship, which is interesting since these shows usually go the other way around. In the Men's room, Joshua feels a lot better, but Bryce whines about how he's the only designer left who hasn't won anything. 2 things:
A) It's only halfway through and almost all these competitors won a challenge? This season really is churning out some talented people.
B) Bryce's whining immediately sets him up with the so-called "Adios Exit" I read through EW's recaps of ANTM. Thank god, because not only is he annoying, he's really boring too.
Head on down to the runway (or, as I would impersonate Heidi a la Crista Flanagan, RUNWAY!!!) as Heidi introduces her inevitable announcements that immunity will no longer be given and that the designers (or deeeeeesigners) won't be working with their usual models for this challenge. You can already sense the fear in everyone when she says that, which is only made worse when MEN enter the room. Anya the Great, however, is relieved she has immunity because, since she's only been sewing for 4 months (and probably became so good by utilizing the Meryl Streep method of learning when she did Music of the Heart: Practicing 6 hours a day/until her hands bleed), she has never done menswear. And so they pick and choose the man they'd like to work with through the standard way: Pick the Pretty guy. I'm not totally shocked that they still resort to this mean girl tactic but I got irritated when Olivier bemoaned that the only ones left were "fat". Get over yourself.
Surprise! They're not doing menswear, as Uncle Tim reveals in the work room. Instead, they're working with the guys' wives or girlfriends. Now, I'll tell you that when I read the information on the guide, it kept referring to the challenge as the designers working for the men's significant others. And I assumed they were all gay and Heidi would be that crafty and evil to throw in a twist to not only design for their significant other but for the men themselves and show horrible examples of menswear on the runway. But she does have a heart and they only stick it to the girls. Phew. But, the designers have to rely on the help of their guy partner for the design. Uh oh. Now, keep in mind that pretty much the remaining male designers probably have never been with a woman before or ever will, so this talk of these things called "boobs" threw them for a loop, particularly Bert who got stuck with a douche bag of a husband/boyfriend. Anthony Ryan's guy (who looks like a hippie) simply wants to replace his wife's dress he lost at an airport so there's proof that there are some of these guys aren't half bad. Though Joshua's guy, coincidentally named Joshua, was a little odd to the point where I think he was hitting on Designer Joshua. Uh, his wife better keep the tabs on them.
After trip to Mood later, the designers get to work. Kimberly describes style lines (I think), but because this is information that none of us normal folk would ever use, I was worried that is was the only time she would ever speak in this episode. But hey, this also means she's not going home so I was relieved about that. Some time later, the women arrive! Laura's girl, who grew up in a big family, never had Barbie so she'd like to live out that dream now with this design (and shoes). How sweet! Bert still has no idea what this penis-lacking creature he is working for is doing standing next to him, telling him what she wants so it's obvious he's in trouble. And Bert's guy is still acting like a fratboy douche.
Anya and her gorgeous accent that I could listen to every day reveals that she's a bit nervous about this challenge and Viktor is confident with his girl. Joshua wants to experiment with metal things he bought at mood, but his client wants simple, something he doesn't comprehend and almost has a seizure over. Olivier's girl dictates him over what kind of design she wants. I would feel bad for him but this episode proves how much of a shallow, pompous ass he is so I figured, "Just desserts." And Bryce blubbers over how much in love his couple is and how he misses his boyfriend while he dyes his fabric into some shade of pink. The others sort of feel bad for him but I don't because I don't care about him.
New day! The designers really don't want to go in and work (sounds like my relationship with school now: I don't want to go in but I must. Damn). In the workroom, Tim worries about Olivier's time issues, and his couple rat him out on working so slow. Olivier whines. Man up. Laura's girl likes her shoes and Tim likes the design. Kimberly is allowed to speak (yay!) and half-jokingly says that she doesn't like it when Tim doesn't give her a critique right away and is scared when he's really quiet. Bryce's dress looks really bad so he makes the decision to go all pink. Big no-no. Soon, it's runway day with the standard chaos, but Kim and Olivier are busted for continuing to sew after they have exited the room. Whomp whomp.
I didn't really catch who was the guest judge (or any of the critiques) so bear with me. It was 1 in the morning and I wanted to go to bed, but here's a general breakdown of the runway show.
The Safe:
Kimberly: Not a bad design. I liked the top, but the whole thing made her girl look a little dumpy.
Laura: Her girl looked very pretty, but I couldn't help noticing how similar Laura's outfit was to her design. Hmm...
Olivier: It wasn't the greatest thing up there. The top looked nice but the pants looked kind of bad.
The Good:
Joshua: His LBD (little black dress) looked cute, simple, and very chic, especially with the deep V-cut in the back.
Anya: Her African-esque Kimono looked absolutely divine, even if Nina and Michael didn't like the one sleeve. The guest judge (who I forgot but she was awesome) would wear it and wouldn't care if she landed on the best OR worst list. For her, the impression is the key.
Viktor: His outfit was cute n' pretty and chic, but the glasses his girl wore kind of killed it.
The Bad:
Bert: His dress looked like it belongs in a club and it looked really bad and way to similar to everything he's been doing the whole season.
Anthony Ryan: Unlike everyone, I sorta liked the dress. It's a little TOO vintage (60's mod) but the girl looked so cute up there, but not as horrible as everyone made it out to be.
Bryce: His dress looked like a godawful pink bridesmaid outfit with pockets so huge, she could've snuck a buffet into the movie theatre.
The winner: Joshua!
The eliminated: Bryce.
Hey, I called it within 3 minutes. Bye bye, Boring Bryce. We hardly cared about you.
We open up to the standard Atlas Apartments opening shots and find the final three girls chatting. Anya (the Great) notes that while it's a competition, it's still nice to have some form of comradeship, which is interesting since these shows usually go the other way around. In the Men's room, Joshua feels a lot better, but Bryce whines about how he's the only designer left who hasn't won anything. 2 things:
A) It's only halfway through and almost all these competitors won a challenge? This season really is churning out some talented people.
B) Bryce's whining immediately sets him up with the so-called "Adios Exit" I read through EW's recaps of ANTM. Thank god, because not only is he annoying, he's really boring too.
Head on down to the runway (or, as I would impersonate Heidi a la Crista Flanagan, RUNWAY!!!) as Heidi introduces her inevitable announcements that immunity will no longer be given and that the designers (or deeeeeesigners) won't be working with their usual models for this challenge. You can already sense the fear in everyone when she says that, which is only made worse when MEN enter the room. Anya the Great, however, is relieved she has immunity because, since she's only been sewing for 4 months (and probably became so good by utilizing the Meryl Streep method of learning when she did Music of the Heart: Practicing 6 hours a day/until her hands bleed), she has never done menswear. And so they pick and choose the man they'd like to work with through the standard way: Pick the Pretty guy. I'm not totally shocked that they still resort to this mean girl tactic but I got irritated when Olivier bemoaned that the only ones left were "fat". Get over yourself.
Surprise! They're not doing menswear, as Uncle Tim reveals in the work room. Instead, they're working with the guys' wives or girlfriends. Now, I'll tell you that when I read the information on the guide, it kept referring to the challenge as the designers working for the men's significant others. And I assumed they were all gay and Heidi would be that crafty and evil to throw in a twist to not only design for their significant other but for the men themselves and show horrible examples of menswear on the runway. But she does have a heart and they only stick it to the girls. Phew. But, the designers have to rely on the help of their guy partner for the design. Uh oh. Now, keep in mind that pretty much the remaining male designers probably have never been with a woman before or ever will, so this talk of these things called "boobs" threw them for a loop, particularly Bert who got stuck with a douche bag of a husband/boyfriend. Anthony Ryan's guy (who looks like a hippie) simply wants to replace his wife's dress he lost at an airport so there's proof that there are some of these guys aren't half bad. Though Joshua's guy, coincidentally named Joshua, was a little odd to the point where I think he was hitting on Designer Joshua. Uh, his wife better keep the tabs on them.
After trip to Mood later, the designers get to work. Kimberly describes style lines (I think), but because this is information that none of us normal folk would ever use, I was worried that is was the only time she would ever speak in this episode. But hey, this also means she's not going home so I was relieved about that. Some time later, the women arrive! Laura's girl, who grew up in a big family, never had Barbie so she'd like to live out that dream now with this design (and shoes). How sweet! Bert still has no idea what this penis-lacking creature he is working for is doing standing next to him, telling him what she wants so it's obvious he's in trouble. And Bert's guy is still acting like a fratboy douche.
Anya and her gorgeous accent that I could listen to every day reveals that she's a bit nervous about this challenge and Viktor is confident with his girl. Joshua wants to experiment with metal things he bought at mood, but his client wants simple, something he doesn't comprehend and almost has a seizure over. Olivier's girl dictates him over what kind of design she wants. I would feel bad for him but this episode proves how much of a shallow, pompous ass he is so I figured, "Just desserts." And Bryce blubbers over how much in love his couple is and how he misses his boyfriend while he dyes his fabric into some shade of pink. The others sort of feel bad for him but I don't because I don't care about him.
New day! The designers really don't want to go in and work (sounds like my relationship with school now: I don't want to go in but I must. Damn). In the workroom, Tim worries about Olivier's time issues, and his couple rat him out on working so slow. Olivier whines. Man up. Laura's girl likes her shoes and Tim likes the design. Kimberly is allowed to speak (yay!) and half-jokingly says that she doesn't like it when Tim doesn't give her a critique right away and is scared when he's really quiet. Bryce's dress looks really bad so he makes the decision to go all pink. Big no-no. Soon, it's runway day with the standard chaos, but Kim and Olivier are busted for continuing to sew after they have exited the room. Whomp whomp.
I didn't really catch who was the guest judge (or any of the critiques) so bear with me. It was 1 in the morning and I wanted to go to bed, but here's a general breakdown of the runway show.
The Safe:
Kimberly: Not a bad design. I liked the top, but the whole thing made her girl look a little dumpy.
Laura: Her girl looked very pretty, but I couldn't help noticing how similar Laura's outfit was to her design. Hmm...
Olivier: It wasn't the greatest thing up there. The top looked nice but the pants looked kind of bad.
The Good:
Joshua: His LBD (little black dress) looked cute, simple, and very chic, especially with the deep V-cut in the back.
Anya: Her African-esque Kimono looked absolutely divine, even if Nina and Michael didn't like the one sleeve. The guest judge (who I forgot but she was awesome) would wear it and wouldn't care if she landed on the best OR worst list. For her, the impression is the key.
Viktor: His outfit was cute n' pretty and chic, but the glasses his girl wore kind of killed it.
The Bad:
Bert: His dress looked like it belongs in a club and it looked really bad and way to similar to everything he's been doing the whole season.
Anthony Ryan: Unlike everyone, I sorta liked the dress. It's a little TOO vintage (60's mod) but the girl looked so cute up there, but not as horrible as everyone made it out to be.
Bryce: His dress looked like a godawful pink bridesmaid outfit with pockets so huge, she could've snuck a buffet into the movie theatre.
The winner: Joshua!
The eliminated: Bryce.
Hey, I called it within 3 minutes. Bye bye, Boring Bryce. We hardly cared about you.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
ANTM All Stars!- Let the shilling begin!
After a rough day at school, I was slightly elated that ANTM was pushed back to 9! So I didn't miss it, yahoo! Unfortunately for my sister, she would be missing 2 hours of "Deadliest Warrior" while I watched this AND Dance Moms, my latest guilty pleasure. She wasn't happy.
Let the games begins! We open to Tyra sleeping in bed and having "dreams" of Top Model "favorites" taunting her to come back. Of course, this is Tyra so this mean she simply dons wigs from Party City and attempt to impersonate them. THEN those vision girls pop into her bed (her worst nightmare I assume. Hell, I'd be slightly terrified if tall girls around my height and weight [how come I'm not a model? Oh right, I'm a MAN] surrounded my bed begging for more airtime) until she agrees "FINE! I'll do it! Just so I can get some sleep again!" Or something. Maybe this is why she's so crazy.
Anyhow, we move the action to the house in L.A.. BB Gun (Angelea) enters first and, surprise surprise, she's still ghetto (Roots. ROOTS.) Did anyone notice BB Gun hold TWO champagne glasses? Bitchyanka (Bianca) has hair again! Drunk Lisa is still a wild child. She rattles off about her music career. What she fails to mention is that she was on Dr. Drew's rehab show for her alcoholism. But why care about that? Could be that THEY'RE SERVING HER CHAMPAGNE. Man-Face (Dominique) looks draggier than ever. But she had a kid just two months prior and everyone is astounded at how great she looks. Not to pry (not true), but this show has had mothers on in the past with slamming bods so I don't see why she should be treated any different. Okay, maybe I'm still a little miffed about her. Old Soul (Bre) attempts to surprise Bitchyanka, who became good friends with her, but I was more miffed that she cut off her beautiful hair into that odd looking afro. Please fix this. Anyway, Bitchyanka wasn't pleased. Aw waah, shut up.
Tyra's Emmy (Isis) is a total woman now and is confident-er (if there was a word for such a thing). Hoochie-Mama (Sheena) has been busy but is excited that her buddy from her cycle is competing with her. Pullip (Allison) reveals she's been working on the art side, so I'm guessing she'll be sticking around long enough for that odd and bizarre "Make your own theme song" challenge Tyra showed us in the preview. Hey, Tyra, bad, BAD idea. Remember this monstrosity? Janice 2.0 (Brittany) reveals she too has dove into music (I think) but her Elvira hair wasn't doing her any favors. And Ms. Laura (Laura) is as adorable as ever!
Kayla Free enters soon, but no one knows who the heck she is. She suspects that it's because she's now a brilliant brunette instead of that odd redhead bowl-cut hairdo which wasn't really that bad. I suspect it's because she landed 4th in the ANN cycle. Or that the others are jealous of her youth and are plotting to take it from her via the Three Witches from Macbeth. Meh, we'll have to see. Leatherface (Shannon) enters and she eerily looks like Sheryl Crow. The final girl to join this crew is Duck Lips (Alexandria), who we really can't say much about since her cycle was the most recent. Yes, she won a car. Duck Lips wants to prove everyone wrong about how she was perceived in her cycle, but I still can't forget that the one girl (Trailer Park Brittani) who managed to call her out not only beat her but she took the crown.
Mr. Jay enters and, aww, it's a reunion! But there's no time to reminicse 'cause it's also photo shoot time. The challenge? Embrace your past Cycle-self. Whomp whomp. Nothing too interesting happened, particularly because they used these photos in some of the promos for this cycle, so it was predictable what they were gonna look like. Though when Kayla Free said "I know which one's mine... the big gay flag!" I was expecting her to say "The big gay dyke-y one." Just sayin'.
Most of the girls manage to do okay, from "Ooh! That's great!" to "Meh". Bitchyanka gets upset because of the insane red extensions she has in her hair but she still manages to rock it. Pullip gets nervous because, lately, she's been working behind the camera and not the other way around, but didn't she look cute? Tyra's Emmy shows off her new bod, feeling comfortable for once that she doesn't need to wrap her junk in tape to fit into a bikini, especially since IT'S GONE, but her body looks a little odd (I'll get there later).
Trouble hits when Leatherface has an issue with her wardrobe for "Angelic". She claims that the lace BOTTOMS look like undawears and she's still the clueless conservative gal who wouldn't pose buck nekkid. Leatherface also says she's comfortable just posing in her bikini bottoms... which, to everyone in the free world, look juuuuuust like skimpy panties. Leatherface also tells us that she doesn't pose in lingerie because if all the world sees that, what makes it so special for her husband? Hint hint: That excuse has been used before, Whiney, and that girl was the first one sent packing in her cycle. Mr. Jay tries to convince her but, probably because they're running short on time, he lets her pose in the bikini bottoms. Leatherface needs to man up, especially since she's 27 and not the 18 year old bible thumper we first saw her as.
The shoot ends and the girls are told that the first judging shall be LIVE in front of lots and lots of fans. EEP, goes Little Miss Pullip, who still ain't confident in her walk. OFF TO JUDGING!
Tyra enters (still not learning that pants are not her friend) and lists of the prizes, now including a campaign with Express and a guest correspondent for Extra. You know, so people REALLY know them beyond from marrying Brady Kids (Adrianne). Or working at MTV looking beautiful as ever (Kim, we love you). Our special guest judge? NICKI MINAJ, who, like Tyra, is pants deficient. Sure, it's her style and everything and I love her to death (let's be friends?) but those things were doing her no favors. Nigel is introduced, and he has hair! Spooky! And Andre Leon Talley comes out, looking like some grandpa. Ick... I mean "Dreckitude."
I don't remember who came out when (and there aren't any clips on youtube. DAMN!) So I'll list 'em off...
-Drunk Lisa is wearing some really, really messed up Raver's outfit. Her toe-touch photo looks okay but Miss Nicki doesn't like that her shoulders are hunched over. Anyhow, Drunk Lisa is dismissed and does a split, leaving an impression for the judges. Note that I didn't say it was a good impression.
-Pullip wanders out in some fashiony Little Bo Peep/Esther from Orphan outfit which everyone thought was adorable (self included). Her pic gets rave reviews.
-BB Gun has learned nothing from her cycle and wears a cocktail dress. Her photo was the epitome of what she was given (Ghetto Fabulous).
-For some reason, I can't really remember Ms. Wawwlk that much but her walk was as draglicious as ever. But her photo was GORGEOUS.
-Man-Face's pregnancy was brought up for the trillionth time. Her photo was sa'right.
-Hoochie-Mama came out last (I think) and she wore this extremely fabulous/bizarre jumpsuit she described as "vintage". The term "jumpsuit" is vintage. Her photo was "meh" at best.
-Ms. Laura! How do you do? And what a gorgeous dress! Haus of Wanda Sue strikes again! It's truly wonderful but, bless her heart, she has made some pretty ugly things in the past. Anyhow, her photo is tens across the board, though the editing looks really, really weird.
-Tyra's Emmy enters and the crowd ROARS. She looks pretty good, but I can't help but notice that her boobs look really, really weird. It's probably because, while legally a woman, she still has a man's physique everywhere else. Her photo is loved by all.
-Janice 2.0 enters and screams "IT'S BRITTANY BITCH!!!!" By the look of ALT's face, it ain't good. Her photo's okay at best, but Nicki doesn't really like it.
-Old Soul's hairdo is not a good look on her, says Nicki. And her photo isn't as great. Uh-ohs.
-Bitchyanka I can barely remember what happened with her but Nigel liked her pic.
-Kayla Free struts her stuff looking pretty damn gorgeous but her "Super-Gay!" (a reference to "Super Bass" since Nicki's on panel?) pic doesn't quite sit well with Nicki.
-Leatherface is knocked on about her bottoms. Bless her heart, she's still dumb as a box of hammers. Another meh photo.
-The only interesting thing that happened was when Duck Lips enters the scene. She gets booed! BURN!!!! She's shown crying in her confessional just wanting to have her moment and whining that the judges didn't hear what she heard. It doesn't get any better since the judges are iffy on her photo. Please go home. Oh please, oh please go home.
Now, I was wondering how on earth were they going to do eliminations with a crowd and loud, loud microphones but they announce that eliminations will be private. Spares me a headache.
AND THEN IT CAME. Tyra's Emmy scores the first first call-out! You go, legal-girl! The rest are whittled down one by one until we come to Duck Lips and Janice 2.0. While Duck Lips wasn't well liked, Janice 2.0 wasn't remembered at all. And that's practically the kiss of death since Duck Lips continues through thanks to her "polarity" (translation: You make for good TV, especially since we love to hate you). So long, Janice 2.0, we'll never get to see what party girl antics you might have gotten into. Guess we can't have TWO drunks in the house.
And that's all I can remember. Next week: MAKEOVERS! I hope (thought, in a confessional, BB Gun was shown with darker hair. Spoiler?) This cycle: Lots a stuff happens, including a hospital run and Kayla Free having what I believe looks like an asthma attack. Uh oh.
Too bad. So sad.
Let the games begins! We open to Tyra sleeping in bed and having "dreams" of Top Model "favorites" taunting her to come back. Of course, this is Tyra so this mean she simply dons wigs from Party City and attempt to impersonate them. THEN those vision girls pop into her bed (her worst nightmare I assume. Hell, I'd be slightly terrified if tall girls around my height and weight [how come I'm not a model? Oh right, I'm a MAN] surrounded my bed begging for more airtime) until she agrees "FINE! I'll do it! Just so I can get some sleep again!" Or something. Maybe this is why she's so crazy.
Anyhow, we move the action to the house in L.A.. BB Gun (Angelea) enters first and, surprise surprise, she's still ghetto (Roots. ROOTS.) Did anyone notice BB Gun hold TWO champagne glasses? Bitchyanka (Bianca) has hair again! Drunk Lisa is still a wild child. She rattles off about her music career. What she fails to mention is that she was on Dr. Drew's rehab show for her alcoholism. But why care about that? Could be that THEY'RE SERVING HER CHAMPAGNE. Man-Face (Dominique) looks draggier than ever. But she had a kid just two months prior and everyone is astounded at how great she looks. Not to pry (not true), but this show has had mothers on in the past with slamming bods so I don't see why she should be treated any different. Okay, maybe I'm still a little miffed about her. Old Soul (Bre) attempts to surprise Bitchyanka, who became good friends with her, but I was more miffed that she cut off her beautiful hair into that odd looking afro. Please fix this. Anyway, Bitchyanka wasn't pleased. Aw waah, shut up.
Tyra's Emmy (Isis) is a total woman now and is confident-er (if there was a word for such a thing). Hoochie-Mama (Sheena) has been busy but is excited that her buddy from her cycle is competing with her. Pullip (Allison) reveals she's been working on the art side, so I'm guessing she'll be sticking around long enough for that odd and bizarre "Make your own theme song" challenge Tyra showed us in the preview. Hey, Tyra, bad, BAD idea. Remember this monstrosity? Janice 2.0 (Brittany) reveals she too has dove into music (I think) but her Elvira hair wasn't doing her any favors. And Ms. Laura (Laura) is as adorable as ever!
Kayla Free enters soon, but no one knows who the heck she is. She suspects that it's because she's now a brilliant brunette instead of that odd redhead bowl-cut hairdo which wasn't really that bad. I suspect it's because she landed 4th in the ANN cycle. Or that the others are jealous of her youth and are plotting to take it from her via the Three Witches from Macbeth. Meh, we'll have to see. Leatherface (Shannon) enters and she eerily looks like Sheryl Crow. The final girl to join this crew is Duck Lips (Alexandria), who we really can't say much about since her cycle was the most recent. Yes, she won a car. Duck Lips wants to prove everyone wrong about how she was perceived in her cycle, but I still can't forget that the one girl (Trailer Park Brittani) who managed to call her out not only beat her but she took the crown.
Mr. Jay enters and, aww, it's a reunion! But there's no time to reminicse 'cause it's also photo shoot time. The challenge? Embrace your past Cycle-self. Whomp whomp. Nothing too interesting happened, particularly because they used these photos in some of the promos for this cycle, so it was predictable what they were gonna look like. Though when Kayla Free said "I know which one's mine... the big gay flag!" I was expecting her to say "The big gay dyke-y one." Just sayin'.
Most of the girls manage to do okay, from "Ooh! That's great!" to "Meh". Bitchyanka gets upset because of the insane red extensions she has in her hair but she still manages to rock it. Pullip gets nervous because, lately, she's been working behind the camera and not the other way around, but didn't she look cute? Tyra's Emmy shows off her new bod, feeling comfortable for once that she doesn't need to wrap her junk in tape to fit into a bikini, especially since IT'S GONE, but her body looks a little odd (I'll get there later).
Trouble hits when Leatherface has an issue with her wardrobe for "Angelic". She claims that the lace BOTTOMS look like undawears and she's still the clueless conservative gal who wouldn't pose buck nekkid. Leatherface also says she's comfortable just posing in her bikini bottoms... which, to everyone in the free world, look juuuuuust like skimpy panties. Leatherface also tells us that she doesn't pose in lingerie because if all the world sees that, what makes it so special for her husband? Hint hint: That excuse has been used before, Whiney, and that girl was the first one sent packing in her cycle. Mr. Jay tries to convince her but, probably because they're running short on time, he lets her pose in the bikini bottoms. Leatherface needs to man up, especially since she's 27 and not the 18 year old bible thumper we first saw her as.
The shoot ends and the girls are told that the first judging shall be LIVE in front of lots and lots of fans. EEP, goes Little Miss Pullip, who still ain't confident in her walk. OFF TO JUDGING!
Tyra enters (still not learning that pants are not her friend) and lists of the prizes, now including a campaign with Express and a guest correspondent for Extra. You know, so people REALLY know them beyond from marrying Brady Kids (Adrianne). Or working at MTV looking beautiful as ever (Kim, we love you). Our special guest judge? NICKI MINAJ, who, like Tyra, is pants deficient. Sure, it's her style and everything and I love her to death (let's be friends?) but those things were doing her no favors. Nigel is introduced, and he has hair! Spooky! And Andre Leon Talley comes out, looking like some grandpa. Ick... I mean "Dreckitude."
I don't remember who came out when (and there aren't any clips on youtube. DAMN!) So I'll list 'em off...
-Drunk Lisa is wearing some really, really messed up Raver's outfit. Her toe-touch photo looks okay but Miss Nicki doesn't like that her shoulders are hunched over. Anyhow, Drunk Lisa is dismissed and does a split, leaving an impression for the judges. Note that I didn't say it was a good impression.
-Pullip wanders out in some fashiony Little Bo Peep/Esther from Orphan outfit which everyone thought was adorable (self included). Her pic gets rave reviews.
-BB Gun has learned nothing from her cycle and wears a cocktail dress. Her photo was the epitome of what she was given (Ghetto Fabulous).
-For some reason, I can't really remember Ms. Wawwlk that much but her walk was as draglicious as ever. But her photo was GORGEOUS.
-Man-Face's pregnancy was brought up for the trillionth time. Her photo was sa'right.
-Hoochie-Mama came out last (I think) and she wore this extremely fabulous/bizarre jumpsuit she described as "vintage". The term "jumpsuit" is vintage. Her photo was "meh" at best.
-Ms. Laura! How do you do? And what a gorgeous dress! Haus of Wanda Sue strikes again! It's truly wonderful but, bless her heart, she has made some pretty ugly things in the past. Anyhow, her photo is tens across the board, though the editing looks really, really weird.
-Tyra's Emmy enters and the crowd ROARS. She looks pretty good, but I can't help but notice that her boobs look really, really weird. It's probably because, while legally a woman, she still has a man's physique everywhere else. Her photo is loved by all.
-Janice 2.0 enters and screams "IT'S BRITTANY BITCH!!!!" By the look of ALT's face, it ain't good. Her photo's okay at best, but Nicki doesn't really like it.
-Old Soul's hairdo is not a good look on her, says Nicki. And her photo isn't as great. Uh-ohs.
-Bitchyanka I can barely remember what happened with her but Nigel liked her pic.
-Kayla Free struts her stuff looking pretty damn gorgeous but her "Super-Gay!" (a reference to "Super Bass" since Nicki's on panel?) pic doesn't quite sit well with Nicki.
-Leatherface is knocked on about her bottoms. Bless her heart, she's still dumb as a box of hammers. Another meh photo.
-The only interesting thing that happened was when Duck Lips enters the scene. She gets booed! BURN!!!! She's shown crying in her confessional just wanting to have her moment and whining that the judges didn't hear what she heard. It doesn't get any better since the judges are iffy on her photo. Please go home. Oh please, oh please go home.
Now, I was wondering how on earth were they going to do eliminations with a crowd and loud, loud microphones but they announce that eliminations will be private. Spares me a headache.
AND THEN IT CAME. Tyra's Emmy scores the first first call-out! You go, legal-girl! The rest are whittled down one by one until we come to Duck Lips and Janice 2.0. While Duck Lips wasn't well liked, Janice 2.0 wasn't remembered at all. And that's practically the kiss of death since Duck Lips continues through thanks to her "polarity" (translation: You make for good TV, especially since we love to hate you). So long, Janice 2.0, we'll never get to see what party girl antics you might have gotten into. Guess we can't have TWO drunks in the house.
And that's all I can remember. Next week: MAKEOVERS! I hope (thought, in a confessional, BB Gun was shown with darker hair. Spoiler?) This cycle: Lots a stuff happens, including a hospital run and Kayla Free having what I believe looks like an asthma attack. Uh oh.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Reality Show Nicknames: ANTM All Stars!
Because I'm a loser who's going to die alone, I still watch Tyra sexually harass/torture/see a new batch of freakishly tall, beautiful womyn compete for an ad in Dillards... I mean, for AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL. But, with the 17th cycle coming up, she'll get to do it all over again with the rejects!... I mean, "memorable" contestants from the past.
The girls competing once again (in cycle order)...
Shannon (Cycle 1, runner up)= Leatherface.
At 27, she's STILL eligible to compete for the spot her competition, Adrianne "Mumble Mouth", snatched from her (We still love you too!). But, has she taken that judge's advice and stayed out of the sun? Hmm. At least she knows what "masturbate" means now.
Camille (Cycle 2, 5th place)= Ms. Wawwlk.
At 33, she's way too old to compete (or even work as a model anymore, but who am I to judge). Remember her cringe-worthy "signature walk" she decided to demonstrate for Italian designers (well, a designer and an actor)? She's still not the greatest with words, with her lingere-loungewear line called "Lingerwear"... no, it's not supposed to be pronounced like "Linger wear."
Brittany (Cycle 4, 4th place [tee hee])= Janice 2.0
The second aged out contestant (barely). We all loved the outrageous judge's (Janice Dickinson, how we miss you. Sorta) doppelganger, even if she got a weeeee bit tipsy from time to time. Also, didja notice there's no one from Cycle 3? Weird.
Bre (Cycle 5, 3rd place)= Old Soul
Eh, the "Granola Bar/Red Bull-gate" thing wasn't really that interesting to saddle her as "Granola Girl". Or "Dove Soap" (for her lack of bathing). It's more or less that, whenever there was a crisis going on, she inexplicably happened to be the one girl everyone spoke to, always at the ready with a witty remark, sage like wisdom, and a roll of toilet paper.
Lisa (Cycle 5, 6th place)= Drunk Lisa
The third aged out contestant. We all remember Lisa and her love of booze (well, wine), even if she would get intoxicated to the point she would have deep heartfelt convos with "Cousin It" (a bush in the backyard). Oh yeah, she also landed on Dr. Drew's rehab show-thingy so, well, I guess doing this would be a little tasteless.
Bianca (Cycle 9, 4th place)= Bitchyanka
Whoa, we skipped over four cycles (guess those girls weren't really memorable... perhaps they're just really intelligent). Anyhoo, this came from a webcast that recapped this cycle's episodes (called "We're Going Nowhere"). At least, this is what my sister told me. Has she changed her ways since? Let's ask Nikki Blonsky.
Dominique (Cycle 10, 4th place)= Man-face
What's with the 4th place girls? Are they jealous that got snubbed just before the Covergirl commercials? Anyhow, her constant criticisms was that she either looked like a "Soccer Mom" (so not true) or a drag queen (totally true. And extremely hysterical).
Sheena (Cycle 11, 6th place)= Hoochie-mama
Her main criticism from that cycle. Hell, she'll even tell you that. I even expected her to shout "Holy shit you guys, it's REAL FOOD!!!" when Tyra brought pizza over and discussed makeovers. I saw her in an ad for Trojan Condoms, so not much as changed.
Isis (Cycle 11, 10th place)= Tyra's Emmy
The lowest ranking girl in this bunch wasn't even born a girl at all. I feel bad for those eliminated girls before her. There has to be footage of Tyra (who paid for Isis' surgery) saying "You made it so far!" with a girl retorting, "Tyra... a MAN was picked over me."
Allison (Cycle 12, runner up)= Pullip
An almost life sized version of the creepy dolls, the strangest looking (well, strangest period) girl ever in this series does look pretty high end... if she only knew how to change up her face. Maybe she's thinking about blood a bit too much.
Laura (Cycle 13, runner up)= Ms. Laura
The shortest girl here (remember, 13 was the midget cycle) is probably the most sweetest ever in existence. She has an ever adorable Southern accent! She has a grandma named Wanda Sue who makes her clothes! She even if she knows how to castrate a bull! Hey, maybe now she'll be able to wear heels at panel! (Fingers crossed)
Angelea (Cycle 14, 3rd/4th place)= BB Gun
And by "BB", I mean "Bold" and "Bitchy". Why did she come back? No one really could stand her and she picked a fight with almost everyone. With her, Camille and Bianca in the house, there's bound to be a bunch of fights. I hope this house is red.
Kayla (Cycle 15, 3rd/4th place)= Kayla Free
The baby of the bunch! Kayla served as her cycle's big inspiration for the GLBT community (remember the first photo shoot? Still breaks my heart). Now with the juggernaut that is Ann Ward out of the way, she could have a chance of winning this time around.
Alexandria (Cycle 16, 4th place)= Duck Lips.
The woman who started it all... the nickname thing that is. In her cycle, I called the remaining six Trailer Park (Brittani), Sailor (Molly), Hippie (Hannah), Kesha (Kasia), and Ms. Jaclyn, my BFF (Jaclyn). Why Duck Lips? I'm pretty sure that's what she was doing in all her shots. But I still find it hard to believe we're practically the same age.
With more girls that will probably make heads spin (literally), I wonder who'll crack first and who might take the title of AMERICA'S. NEXT. TOP. MAH. DELL. And what freaky fashion sense Ty-Ty will don this cycle.
The girls competing once again (in cycle order)...
Shannon (Cycle 1, runner up)= Leatherface.
At 27, she's STILL eligible to compete for the spot her competition, Adrianne "Mumble Mouth", snatched from her (We still love you too!). But, has she taken that judge's advice and stayed out of the sun? Hmm. At least she knows what "masturbate" means now.
Camille (Cycle 2, 5th place)= Ms. Wawwlk.
At 33, she's way too old to compete (or even work as a model anymore, but who am I to judge). Remember her cringe-worthy "signature walk" she decided to demonstrate for Italian designers (well, a designer and an actor)? She's still not the greatest with words, with her lingere-loungewear line called "Lingerwear"... no, it's not supposed to be pronounced like "Linger wear."
Brittany (Cycle 4, 4th place [tee hee])= Janice 2.0
The second aged out contestant (barely). We all loved the outrageous judge's (Janice Dickinson, how we miss you. Sorta) doppelganger, even if she got a weeeee bit tipsy from time to time. Also, didja notice there's no one from Cycle 3? Weird.
Bre (Cycle 5, 3rd place)= Old Soul
Eh, the "Granola Bar/Red Bull-gate" thing wasn't really that interesting to saddle her as "Granola Girl". Or "Dove Soap" (for her lack of bathing). It's more or less that, whenever there was a crisis going on, she inexplicably happened to be the one girl everyone spoke to, always at the ready with a witty remark, sage like wisdom, and a roll of toilet paper.
Lisa (Cycle 5, 6th place)= Drunk Lisa
The third aged out contestant. We all remember Lisa and her love of booze (well, wine), even if she would get intoxicated to the point she would have deep heartfelt convos with "Cousin It" (a bush in the backyard). Oh yeah, she also landed on Dr. Drew's rehab show-thingy so, well, I guess doing this would be a little tasteless.
Bianca (Cycle 9, 4th place)= Bitchyanka
Whoa, we skipped over four cycles (guess those girls weren't really memorable... perhaps they're just really intelligent). Anyhoo, this came from a webcast that recapped this cycle's episodes (called "We're Going Nowhere"). At least, this is what my sister told me. Has she changed her ways since? Let's ask Nikki Blonsky.
Dominique (Cycle 10, 4th place)= Man-face
What's with the 4th place girls? Are they jealous that got snubbed just before the Covergirl commercials? Anyhow, her constant criticisms was that she either looked like a "Soccer Mom" (so not true) or a drag queen (totally true. And extremely hysterical).
Sheena (Cycle 11, 6th place)= Hoochie-mama
Her main criticism from that cycle. Hell, she'll even tell you that. I even expected her to shout "Holy shit you guys, it's REAL FOOD!!!" when Tyra brought pizza over and discussed makeovers. I saw her in an ad for Trojan Condoms, so not much as changed.
Isis (Cycle 11, 10th place)= Tyra's Emmy
The lowest ranking girl in this bunch wasn't even born a girl at all. I feel bad for those eliminated girls before her. There has to be footage of Tyra (who paid for Isis' surgery) saying "You made it so far!" with a girl retorting, "Tyra... a MAN was picked over me."
Allison (Cycle 12, runner up)= Pullip
An almost life sized version of the creepy dolls, the strangest looking (well, strangest period) girl ever in this series does look pretty high end... if she only knew how to change up her face. Maybe she's thinking about blood a bit too much.
Laura (Cycle 13, runner up)= Ms. Laura
The shortest girl here (remember, 13 was the midget cycle) is probably the most sweetest ever in existence. She has an ever adorable Southern accent! She has a grandma named Wanda Sue who makes her clothes! She even if she knows how to castrate a bull! Hey, maybe now she'll be able to wear heels at panel! (Fingers crossed)
Angelea (Cycle 14, 3rd/4th place)= BB Gun
And by "BB", I mean "Bold" and "Bitchy". Why did she come back? No one really could stand her and she picked a fight with almost everyone. With her, Camille and Bianca in the house, there's bound to be a bunch of fights. I hope this house is red.
Kayla (Cycle 15, 3rd/4th place)= Kayla Free
The baby of the bunch! Kayla served as her cycle's big inspiration for the GLBT community (remember the first photo shoot? Still breaks my heart). Now with the juggernaut that is Ann Ward out of the way, she could have a chance of winning this time around.
Alexandria (Cycle 16, 4th place)= Duck Lips.
The woman who started it all... the nickname thing that is. In her cycle, I called the remaining six Trailer Park (Brittani), Sailor (Molly), Hippie (Hannah), Kesha (Kasia), and Ms. Jaclyn, my BFF (Jaclyn). Why Duck Lips? I'm pretty sure that's what she was doing in all her shots. But I still find it hard to believe we're practically the same age.
With more girls that will probably make heads spin (literally), I wonder who'll crack first and who might take the title of AMERICA'S. NEXT. TOP. MAH. DELL. And what freaky fashion sense Ty-Ty will don this cycle.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Reality Show Nicknames: SYTYCD Version!
For Season 8, I did this mostly because I couldn't remember any of the contestants names for a while (aside from Melanie's, natch) And, on Facebook, I listed the eliminated dancers (or "losers" for everyone else), but I would use the nicknames, confusing the hell out of my friends. Well... let's revisit old memories.
HERE THEY ARE:
The Winner:
Melanie= Best friend, THE Queen Melanie, Miss Melanie, Melanie the Goddess, and lots of other names of high praise
As if it wasn't obvious enough that Melanie could really do no wrong in my mind, I call her "Best Friend" because I reeeeeeeeeeeeallly wanna be best friends with her... but not BFFs, that spot is reserved for Jaclyn Poole from ANTM Cycle 16. Am I crazy? You betcha.
I also discovered that she was the homecoming queen in high school. Spooky.
Did she deserve her win? Most definitely, with her 47% vote landslide, no bottom appearances, and winning personality.
The Eliminated:
Top 4:
Sasha= Mohawk
Duh, the hair. But I couldn't think of anything else beyond "Natalia's (?) Sister".
Did she deserve second place? I could guess so, but she was lingering in the remaining weeks. Still, I'm not sure how far a contestant who repeated auditioning (thanks to Ovation, I saw her go through to Vegas in season 6) has made it but I think she went the farthest so brava to you, chickie.
Marko= Bullet
Understandably so, he has a bullet lodged in his arm.
Did he deserve third place? Since he was only one of two of the final four (???) who not only had his original partner but never landed in the bottom dancers (the other being Melanie) no way. Can't win 'em all.
Tadd= OCD Rainbow
According to Hot Pants (see the list later on to see who this is), he has a very specific way of packing. In a glimpse, we saw that he packs according to color... and HIS SHIRTS WERE ORGANIZED TO THAT OF A RAINBOW. His orientation is in question, especially given that odd farewell to Jess when he was (finally) eliminated.
I don't care if he does have a girlfriend, she must be pissed by now.
Did he deserve fourth place? I think it's justified. Sure, he glided through most of his genres with ease but, compared to the M&M's and Mohawk, he didn't stand a chance.
Top 10:
Catilynn= Bloody Nose
Initially, she was "Danger Prone", but since she got whacked in the face DURING the Turning Tables performance, and since I'd rather not call her "Courtney Galiano 2.0", I figured it was deserving.
Ricky= Cheerleader
I couldn't think of anything at all until he mentioned he was a cheerleader. And then it all made sense.
Jordan= Hot Pants
Her sex-bomb solos and chandelier-boob-fringe tops and aforementioned pants of choice could guarantee her a spot with the PCD.
Jess= Arrogant Ass
I couldn't take his constant mugginess that distracted from any attempt of making the pieces look genuine. Can't they find ONE decent Broadway dancer who isn't absolutely irritating? I'LL BE WAITING.
Clarice= ...That Girl
Pronounced "dot dot dot That Girl". Or "(uncomfortable pause) That girl". She was probably the most boring dancer there was in the field of the Beasts. I can barely remember anything she did so I might was well say "YEAH! You're totally memorable, like throwing in an extension or 12 in your solos. No other girl does that! And, you know, that thing you do with the thing."
Mitchell= Faahlayming
Well, duh. A blind Sunday school teacher could tell you that.
Bottom 10:
Ryan= Happy Pants
It appeared that every waking second she was on, she smiled like a deranged walrus. Remember her weak titted explanation for her week one hip hop (in that 90's get up)? Ugh.
Alexander= Don Juan
It suited him, don't you think? He's just sooo dreamy... if not pretty boring. Also, WHY DID HE GO BLONDE FOR THE FINALE?! IT LOOKED SO WRONG.
Ashley= She-of-the-Floaty-Skirts
On elimination nights, rather than don the traditional booty shorts like every other girl on the program, she wore a pretty, dainty floaty skirt. Every time. Every. Frickin'. Time.
Chris= Lysdexia
It may seem a little harsh, but it's really unfortunate he suffers from dyslexia so bad, he needed help with the audition paperwork. Aside from that, I didn't want to call him Rubber Bones because that's one of MY nicknames. And that I couldn't think of anything else... but he is pretty cute.
Miranda= Ditz
The hair. The facial expressions. Her body expressions. Everything about her screamed this.
Robert= Woo-man.
Like that was a stretch.
Iveta= World Champion Supreme
This woman (who I was rooting for to make the top 10, if not win) won the Professional 10-Dance World Championships, as the judges reminded us over and over and over and over again. What they failed to mention was that she has done this feat TWICE. My hat goes off to her.
Nick= Tappa-tappa-tappa
He was the only tapper this season. And I end up thinking about that Simpsons episode whenever tap is mentioned.
Missy= Nymph
Unfortunately, we never got the chance to know enough about her (not even her NAME in the opening episode, until Cat Deely revealed it). Just that she was that OTHER sexpot (next to Hot Pants). And not a good one at that, so I pulled this by random.
Wadi= Debbie's Cub
I drew a blank for him. But not for Debbie Reynolds, who may be a bit of a cougar. So... voila?
And that's that. :)
HERE THEY ARE:
The Winner:
Melanie= Best friend, THE Queen Melanie, Miss Melanie, Melanie the Goddess, and lots of other names of high praise
As if it wasn't obvious enough that Melanie could really do no wrong in my mind, I call her "Best Friend" because I reeeeeeeeeeeeallly wanna be best friends with her... but not BFFs, that spot is reserved for Jaclyn Poole from ANTM Cycle 16. Am I crazy? You betcha.
I also discovered that she was the homecoming queen in high school. Spooky.
Did she deserve her win? Most definitely, with her 47% vote landslide, no bottom appearances, and winning personality.
The Eliminated:
Top 4:
Sasha= Mohawk
Duh, the hair. But I couldn't think of anything else beyond "Natalia's (?) Sister".
Did she deserve second place? I could guess so, but she was lingering in the remaining weeks. Still, I'm not sure how far a contestant who repeated auditioning (thanks to Ovation, I saw her go through to Vegas in season 6) has made it but I think she went the farthest so brava to you, chickie.
Marko= Bullet
Understandably so, he has a bullet lodged in his arm.
Did he deserve third place? Since he was only one of two of the final four (???) who not only had his original partner but never landed in the bottom dancers (the other being Melanie) no way. Can't win 'em all.
Tadd= OCD Rainbow
According to Hot Pants (see the list later on to see who this is), he has a very specific way of packing. In a glimpse, we saw that he packs according to color... and HIS SHIRTS WERE ORGANIZED TO THAT OF A RAINBOW. His orientation is in question, especially given that odd farewell to Jess when he was (finally) eliminated.
SEE?!
I don't care if he does have a girlfriend, she must be pissed by now.
Did he deserve fourth place? I think it's justified. Sure, he glided through most of his genres with ease but, compared to the M&M's and Mohawk, he didn't stand a chance.
Top 10:
Catilynn= Bloody Nose
Initially, she was "Danger Prone", but since she got whacked in the face DURING the Turning Tables performance, and since I'd rather not call her "Courtney Galiano 2.0", I figured it was deserving.
Ricky= Cheerleader
I couldn't think of anything at all until he mentioned he was a cheerleader. And then it all made sense.
Jordan= Hot Pants
Her sex-bomb solos and chandelier-boob-fringe tops and aforementioned pants of choice could guarantee her a spot with the PCD.
Jess= Arrogant Ass
I couldn't take his constant mugginess that distracted from any attempt of making the pieces look genuine. Can't they find ONE decent Broadway dancer who isn't absolutely irritating? I'LL BE WAITING.
Clarice= ...That Girl
Pronounced "dot dot dot That Girl". Or "(uncomfortable pause) That girl". She was probably the most boring dancer there was in the field of the Beasts. I can barely remember anything she did so I might was well say "YEAH! You're totally memorable, like throwing in an extension or 12 in your solos. No other girl does that! And, you know, that thing you do with the thing."
Mitchell= Faahlayming
Well, duh. A blind Sunday school teacher could tell you that.
Bottom 10:
Ryan= Happy Pants
It appeared that every waking second she was on, she smiled like a deranged walrus. Remember her weak titted explanation for her week one hip hop (in that 90's get up)? Ugh.
Alexander= Don Juan
It suited him, don't you think? He's just sooo dreamy... if not pretty boring. Also, WHY DID HE GO BLONDE FOR THE FINALE?! IT LOOKED SO WRONG.
Ashley= She-of-the-Floaty-Skirts
On elimination nights, rather than don the traditional booty shorts like every other girl on the program, she wore a pretty, dainty floaty skirt. Every time. Every. Frickin'. Time.
Chris= Lysdexia
It may seem a little harsh, but it's really unfortunate he suffers from dyslexia so bad, he needed help with the audition paperwork. Aside from that, I didn't want to call him Rubber Bones because that's one of MY nicknames. And that I couldn't think of anything else... but he is pretty cute.
Miranda= Ditz
The hair. The facial expressions. Her body expressions. Everything about her screamed this.
Robert= Woo-man.
Like that was a stretch.
Iveta= World Champion Supreme
This woman (who I was rooting for to make the top 10, if not win) won the Professional 10-Dance World Championships, as the judges reminded us over and over and over and over again. What they failed to mention was that she has done this feat TWICE. My hat goes off to her.
Nick= Tappa-tappa-tappa
He was the only tapper this season. And I end up thinking about that Simpsons episode whenever tap is mentioned.
Missy= Nymph
Unfortunately, we never got the chance to know enough about her (not even her NAME in the opening episode, until Cat Deely revealed it). Just that she was that OTHER sexpot (next to Hot Pants). And not a good one at that, so I pulled this by random.
Wadi= Debbie's Cub
I drew a blank for him. But not for Debbie Reynolds, who may be a bit of a cougar. So... voila?
And that's that. :)
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