Chris reads: Reviews from Dora the Explorer Live! At St. George Theatre

So last weekend (and year), I performed in Dora the Explorer LIVE! at the St. George Theatre, Staten Island. In 2013, I was Isa (last minute) and this time, I was Swiper. I stumbled upon the reviews via Ticket master and, well, some people had their opinions. And I'll offer my rebuttal. But I will skip a few, since they all were about the same and/or out of my hands, like the costumes and sound system.

From 2013:

"This show is awful. The characters are played by people wearing nasty run down costumes. My daughter was horrified. Boots costume was half on an u could see his face. Why wouldnt they have the costumes where the person was inside and your not able to see the face. I would like my money back if i could get it. Horribly disappointed in this and the portrail of thr show. I was under the impression that the characters would look like the show."

Well, yes, of course the characters are played by people wearing costumes (although I do agree with the nasty ass costumes. Made by a women who teaches at Five Towns college.). And yes, of course you're going to see Boots' face, especially since they did that for the actual professional version some years ago. And we would love to have the costumes where the actor was inside and the face was masked, but that requires money, which we don't have.
Oh, and since you have so graciously provided reviewer photos, that points out that you violated the whole, "No Photographs are to be taken during the show" thing, which is pretty much illegal.

"It started 20 min late, Dora didn’t speak Spanish, the only character that looked similar to himself was” Swiper”, The actors seemed to be all teenagers, Diego’s microphone was off the whole time, No one can hold a note on their own, The only paraphernalia sold in the theater was a flashlight that had a soccer ball on it, nothing with Dora on it, they guys outside of the theater were selling better stuff, The actors were moving the set themselves, ( in the open- not behind curtains, I could go on and on, But I’m pretty sure I made my point,,,,,,PARENTS!! Stay away from this one."

I am to assume that the phrases "Abre", "Todos estan invitados", "Hola amigos", and such are German? But thanks for thinking I was a teenager when I was really 23. In a lizard suit. And I'm pretty sure I was able to hold those notes in Isa Turn the Wheel pretty well, considering I'm a dude. And you must have some warped perceptions of theatre if you think the curtains can close and open in 15 seconds for a set change done by the actors, which also occurs professionally. Parents, see more theatre.

"The show was about 45 min. Dora wasn't look like her."

Did you ever notice the special episodes of Dora on television are about the same length of time? And please proof read.

 From 2014, as Swiper:

"Do not go to Dora live or this venue on Staten Island. The show was worse than a high school production, and the theatre was falling apart. Total waste of time and money."

The theatre is falling apart? Like how? A crack in the ceiling? Because that's one pretty gorgeous theatre.

"Dora character was not even dressed in her costume. Boots looked cheap.
The whole event was not worth it at all. Wish I can get my money back !!"

I seem to remember Dora was in a costume and not running around naked.

"The characters of the show should have worn the actual costumes instead of being real people so maybe the kids can be more into the show."

You are aware that acting and live theatre involves real people wearing costumes (regardless of how crappy they are), right?

"It was the worse show I have ever seen - we couldn't hear a thing."

It could possibly be the screaming children but that could just be me.

"Dora could have been in a real DORA costume for such a short time..."

Define a real DORA costume. 


So yeah. The gist of it was the shoddy costumes, time, and restlessness of the children. But what did you expect for $15 and a touring company from Long Island? I certainly did MY best and I apologize for not meeting your expectations.

I Gotta Be Me

I had a peer call me "mean" the other day because I've been acting extremely cold and confusing towards him for basically saying that he should probably stop communicating with me.

I usually respond with vague or direct answers in order to avoid conversation because, frankly, I have other things to be concerned about other than typical banter.

In the latest endeavor, he tells me the truth, calls me "beautiful" and "talented", drew me a picture, sends me messages that are about 7 paragraphs long that I don't really read all the way through because it's essentially the same thing he wrote last time, reads the posts on this crappy blog that I never mentioned about, and tries. And tries. And tries. And tries. And tries. And tries. And tries. And tries. And tries.

And I'm tired.

So I attempt to show him that I'm not interested in him like that anymore. Because the person I spoke with online didn't match up to the person I saw in real life. I don't dig that.

He asks to hang out with me, to get coffee or tea or something. I tell him I have things to work on for my costuming classes, Plus, I hate coffee, tea, or when people watch me eat. Usually, people get the hint then.
He then suggests we work on our assignments together. I told him that this usually involves me going into the city, getting whatever is necessary. If I wanted anyone to go along, I would probably ask, but I much rather prefer to shop alone. Makes things a lot faster.
He blows it by asking if he can tag along. Common sense implies that if I said, "No" the last few attempts, it's not going to happen.

I don't dig clingy people.

When I'm alone, I'm alone for a reason. This is different from being lonely.

He thinks he understands. I'm well aware that no one can truly understand another.

There are many things to describe me, but "mean" is a bit juvenile.

One friend who I greatly respect accurately described me as, "Being a bitch, but not being a cunty-bitch."

If you can't handle me like that, then you can't handle me when I'm worse. Or honest. And realistic. I don't want reasons to why you want me to be your "friend". This isn't a contest in the 8th grade. Of course everyone tries, but when I recognize how much that person is trying, then it's a turn off.

I've dealt with the clueless who have told me the same old junk since year one, that I'm "beautiful, talented, smart." Maybe I do seem heartless and cold but I can't a robot at the same time.

So maybe I do come across as "mean."
But, if you're not going to get it, I will spit acid and leave you in the cold.
And if I be brutal and say it's time to stop, then so be it.

And this goes for anyone and everyone.

To the Outspoken Woman/Loudmouth in my Class

(There is a class I'm taking this semester that allows for discussion on readings that, naturally, causes for different opinions to emerge. One particular peer, however, voices her opinion virtually any chance she gets. This is me venting)

To the outspoken woman,

I've known you for quite some time. I've caught on to the fact that you often don't read/fulfill certain assignments and, to cover for that, you ask as many questions during class. Others may find you to be inquisitive. I think it's just a strategy of wasting time. I would know because I do the exact opposite by keeping quiet when I haven't done anything. But this is just part of why I'm writing this.

The other day, when we were asking questions, you rather loudly scoffed at the question another peer had asked. "How do we 'dehumanize' men?'" This was, rather conveniently, written next to a question I had written, "What about male rape victims?" I had asked this in response to the diatribe on female rape victims you unleashed about how the way they dressed/behaved certainly did not mean they deserved to be rape. So imagine my surprise when, slightly ticked off, I asked you the same question, in a more serious tone and you just looked at me, slightly tongue tied. And imagine my frustration when, as an attempt to cover yourself, you said you were "frustrated" at the prospect of the question.

Ms. Loudmouth Time Waster, please consider this.

Yes, men can be a part of a few of same issues you frequently bring about in class. Yes, men can be raped, dehumanized, and objectified. Trust me, I have been there time and again. And I did catch you roll your eyes, during your own presentation, when you spoke about people who did not want to be restricted to the standard "male/female" gender roles. And I do not appreciate it when you run your mouth every five seconds while there are others who want to be heard as well.

There are many things I would love to call you but that means you would have won something. And with every battle, I lose more of myself, so why risk it. Not everyone thinks the same way as you do, nor would they want to. You are not the way you are strictly due to your ethnicity. Stop talking and complaining and DO something for once.

And, for the love of God, consider this:

HuMan
Huwoman

Catch my drift?

-A rambling, frustrated mind.

When I Had Enough of the Company

Because I'm an overachiever, I tend to get emails from the higher ups of a particular theatre company that I lovingly complain about constantly to friends. The same company that I refer to productions as "chicken-shit gigs", where my dad tends to shut me down over not-so-subtle jealously, and the one that I'm, to put it bluntly, sick and tired of.

So it takes great amounts of willpower to not send a profanity laced email to these higher ups like the moment I had when I got an email for the summer production. I've learned from last time that these do not pay well, the experience is not worth it really, and I'm better off finding something else.

This is my response, to keep it semi-professional:

"Sorry, but I will not be available. But thanks for asking."

What I REALLY wanted to write:

"Sorry, but I have absolutely no interest, especially after the nightmares of virtually EVERY show that I've been a part of, most of which nearly turned me off from performing ever again. Frankly, I fail to find the sincerity of the words in your email. If I truly were someone who you would "immediately think of" when it comes to dedication, you wouldn't be giving me the wikipedia version of the show. We both know good and goddamn well that you only want me because I'm the only one who won't give you lip and because of my dad.

Well, I have had enough of putting up with this company of yours. I'm tired of the backstabbing. I'm tired of my dad shooting insults at me because he's jealous and everyone knows it. I'm tired of dealing with bitchy drama queens. And I'm especially tired of doing all of this for nothing but a lame 'thank you'. Until things change, I don't want anything to do with you or the way you handle your company. And if you think a meager $100 is going to change that, I may as well have an eating disorder in order to save on what you think will 'off-set some expenses [I] may incur while participating in this production'. Yes, $100 is REALLY going to offset all the traveling, food, living expenses, etc. And I'm a natural blonde.

But thanks for asking."

Project Runway: Southern Helle

Previously on Project Runway: Heidi tortures treats the designers to a field day, then tells them to make a design for her New Balance line, Kunt gets even cunty-er (?), Prissy Punk Helen wins her third challenge but is no more endearing to me than she was before, which is she's not, and Karen blew the challenge so she got sent home.

At the Refinery Hotel, the boys (well, Justin, Kunt, and Jeremy) discuss Karen's ouster, which is just Kunt and Jeremy talking shit. Kunt bitches about being in the bottom and plans to keep his guard up. On the runway, Heidi enters wearing a cheetah print top that is just.. no. Just no. Moesha, however, looks nice and classy. Heidi tells the group that, since they're working soooo well, she's giving them the morning off via a Southern style brunch. Bradon, Kate, and the world are immediately skeptical of this.

The group is whisked away to Juliette, a restaurant that looks rustic and fancy. They even get their own table with all sorts of foods. While Tiny Dom waits for the poor soul to burst through with a bolt of fabric to say, "AND design!" (which, at this point, would be considered normal), she and the rest of the group just dine and dish. Helen is prompted to talk about her meeting with New Balance and Jeremy comments on her winning THREE challenges already and shit talks her like it's his job. Because that's all he's ever done in confessionals. As Kate hopes that they get to design for a garden party, Tim arrives and Inga knows that the jig is up. The challenge this week: Design for the modern Southern woman, who is the target audience for Belk. Kunt, who remind us that he's from the South every 34 seconds in this episode, believes that, because he's from the South, he has this in the bag. So, let's move on to someone we don't know much about, who is Tiny Dom! Her family hails from New Orleans. Helen, from Union City NJ, tells us the obvious: She doesn't design for the Southern woman (shit, no!) so she may be in trouble. That is unless she plans to go trailer trash for win #4. Tim stresses that the design can be either a day or evening look and the suggested budget is around $200-250. And, of course, only one day for the challenge (natch).

The designers sketch throughout the restaurant to get inspired (by what? Dead roaches?) Kunt, the southern belle, aims to make a maxi dress. Alexander theQueen is nervous because he ordinarily designs for the modern 80's woman so his plan is to make a jacket and pant but he already isn't feeling it. Tiny Dom, whose family is from New Orleans, is going blue with a print, as prints are her strong suit. Bradon aims for a day dress with buttons and Jeremy plans to make a jacket without it going mother-of-the-bride. On the way to Mood, everyone teases Kunt by asking him for some tips about how southern gals dress. He feels that, since he's the only one here who still lives in the south, and Belk caters to the southern girl, he should be win this challenge as he has yet to win something. There was that quiz from the shoes challenge. Be proud of your mundane fashion history!

At Mood, Tiny Dom goes for the silks since they're easy to drape and Kate goes for a print with warm chiffon. As Bradon heads for the plaids, he struggles trying to find one he likes while Kunt gets pissy since the world revolves around him everyone is heading for the silks and prints, which is what he wanted to do. So he goes for a solid fuchsia in an attempt to separate from the crowd. Alexander can't find the fabrics he wanted to use so he aims for a different route while Bradon finds a plaid that works! Unfortunately, EVERYONE HAS SIMILAR FABRICS! Except for Kunt, of course. Alexander semi-jokes that he hopes this won't be a battle of the plaid pants AGAIN. At least Miranda's gone this time.

I'm becoming convinced that Kate's sole purpose on this show is to recap all the challenges. Alexander theQueen says that he's only gone to the south at least twice. I'm sure he's gone south for other reasons but that's just my dirty, smutty mind speaking. As he works with silk charmuse, Prissy Punk Helen aims to make a refined dress with bold colors. Then, Tim enters with John Thomas, VP for Belk. John tells the designers that this will be yet another challenge where the winning look will be SOLD! The designers wet their pants and Kunt and Helen tells us how they're hungry for the win now.

Inga's been kind of under the radar so she tells us that this isn't really her kind of challenge as she doesn't really do colorful, femme ladies. With 8 hours to go, we go to the saving grace friendship that is Bradon and Alexander theQueen. If Bradon wasn't taken by Josh, I'm so certain these two would be banging. Anyway, Bradon asks what Alexander is making. He responds, "A straightjacket". Bradon requests he make two. Elsewhere, Kunt says someone's pants should be paired with some cowboy boots (I believe that's Western, not so much Southern) and shit talks some more. Tiny Dom, being safe for the past century, decides that she should ditch the print and go with color. And Alexander asks Kunt about Southern hair and how he initially thought about Steel Magnolias.

Tim arrives to make his daily rounds. Alexander is making a day dress with his plaid and thinks she goes to the forest (I don't get it either but he's lucky he's adorable) and while Tim loves the plaid Bradon of the Mullet Dresses has chosen, he can tell Bradon's concerned, mostly due to the plaid debacle from the SHOES challenge is back to haunt him. Tim tells him to believe in himself. We move on to Justin, who we haven't heard from AT ALL until now. Tim points out that the color combination of coral and black ends up making it look a bit too Halloween and it cheapens the outfit, which is a kiss of death. We don't hear much about Kate except that Bradon thinks her print isn't working. And now we go to Kunt and his purple people eater. Kate believes that Kunt is a competitor because he's a modern Southern man, so Tim just tells him to carry on. Tim tells Jeremy that he should be innovative, fresh, and avoid going matchy-matchy. Helen explains that her yellow dress is for a dinner party but Alexander says that the 60's threw up in the worst way possible. As for Tiny Dom, Tim worries that it's underdesigned. Inga gets the critique that her is looking too bohemian for the challenge, which throws her for a loop. Justin believes that she's the weakest this time, which is extremely unusual, even for her. Tiny Dom is worried that she might not even have a look. Tim gives Inga the harsh truth: It's hideous. Inga starts to panic about going home, so Tim, instead, comments that he liked the first look much better. Inga jokingly bemoans that she wished Southerners could wear black more often. In the confessional, she says that she's going to follow his advice and go back to the first choice. Feeling bad for emotionally eviscerating her, Tim asks if she wants a hug. In the most serious tone ever, and without missing a beat, Inga says that she needs prayers AND immunity.

Model time! Inga is going nuts and has Nastasia this week. I believe Nastasia is just that unlucky model. As Jeremy wastes time on the jacket, Tiny Dom likes Justin's direction and how he's thinking outside of the box. Elsewhere, after the models leave, Kunt goes to skype with his momma, Sonya. She asks about if his "other side" has come out, meaning this has happened in real life. While he shirks off his answer of "yes", we get a beautiful montage of him getting bitchy, bitchier, and cuntiest. She hopes he has managed to chill out, going into the bathroom to calm down and such. After the session, Kunt says that he now feels focused to finish the garment.

Going to someone pleasant, Bradon feels his dress is just safe but Kunt believes no one in the South would even wear that dress. Oh brother. He also says that it would be the outfit Harriet Tubman would have worn after getting her freedom. That made as much sense as an Abby Lee routine about Anne Frank. Alexander comments on how far behind Jeremy, Justin, himself... well, everyone is and that he's worried.

Runway day finds Kunt confident in his purple thingy but aware enough to notice that they'll never know what could go down on the runway. Kate is thrilled with her cutesy dress and Tiny Dom (who looks great with her hair slicked back) is racing the clock to finish her dress. With 30 minutes to go, Inga aims to make her garment look more Belk-like through the accessories and a bunch of other dress talk ensues, including Kate thinking Kunt's dress is too loose. Tiny Dom is STILL sewing but finishes the very second Tim comes to retrieve her. She hopes the judges will see a different side of her this time.

For the runway today, Heidi threw on a bedsheet, tied it in a knot, and threw on some red lipstick.

Guess curtains are out of fashion.

The guest judges today are John Thomas (of course) and Stacey Kiebler, host of Supermarket Superstar.

Kunt is up first and holy crap is it booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooring. Seriously, how is THAT southern? Prissy Punk Helen's swinging 60's dress makes the girl look chunky due to the overlay. Justin's simple and chic and the model plays the role very well. Alexander theQueen's plaid dress is pretty edgy, but I wish it could've been more cinched up in the back. Inga's dress isn't too shabby but a teense too commercial. Bradon's mullet dress is a stunner and actually looks southern. Kunt, however, doesn't think a modern southern woman would wear plaid. Then what WOULD she wear? A big poofy gown with a parasol? Tiny Dom's dress does flow well but it lacks something. Also, the slit is puckered. Jeremy made an 80's look and it's horrid. Kate closes the show with a colorful dress but I don't think it quite works this time.

Helen, Inga, and Justin are all safe. Helen is pissed because she didn't win. Shut up, Helen.

THE GOOD

Bradon of the Mullet Dresses: Zac and Heidi like it. Heidi likes the varying lengths and Kunt looks befuddled, like he should be getting that kind of praise. Zac thinks it felt fresh and southern. Nina said that he did something unexpected with expected fabric and Stacy says it made her feel happy! John calls it modern country club. Kunt shakes his head because he is an expert of Southerness. Bitch please, you are nothing compared to Celia Rivenbark.

Kate: Stacy likes that it’s sellable. Nina also thinks the dress has selling appeal. Heidi, however, doesn’t like that it makes her model look pregnant. Zac would be happy to see a woman wear this. John likes the execution.

Alexander theQueen: Zac loves the dress and Heidi thinks she looks sexy and she would wear the dress. John loves the pattern and that the dress was fun. Stacy likes the volume on the bottom and how it matches the top. Nina loves the movement.

THE BAD

Jeremy: Heidi tells him that his look isn’t modern. She’s not happy with the silhouette and she’s just a lady, not sexy. Zac calls the jacket a "casino" jacket. Stacy calls it colorful but it isn’t hip and the length is odd. Nina doesn’t think it’s the jacket that makes it bad, it must be the print. John thinks it missed the mark.

Kunt: Make yourself comfortable for this. Zac says he chose a great color, but he isn’t interested in the dress. Heidi asks where she’s going and Kunt says a formal wedding (really?). Zac calls it a night gown. Heidi calls it unflattering and notices that Kunt is giving her a stank look, which she shoots right back. He’s silent. Rude. Nina calls it safe. Zac gives him the hard truth and tells him that he can’t be a rising fashion star if he plays it safe. Stacy isn’t excited and John calls it "bridesmaid". Heidi asks about how he’s feeling and Kunt vibrates with rage, saying that his emotions aren’t important right now. She, however, can tell he just wants to roll his eyes like the preteen girl that he is. What. A. Douche.

Tiny Dom: John likes the vibe but it’s not much of an evening dress. Heidi doesn’t think it’s fashion forward. Stacey thinks she scaled back too much. Nina didn’t like the hospital scrub colors. Zac wants to see the "oomph!" she has and Nina is disappointed.

In the lounge, Moesha is sitting there like one of the designers. Tiny Dom feels like she blew an opportunity. Out in the closer looks, Heidi tries on Jeremy's jacket and morphs into a flight attendant. She admits that she wished the bottom 3 could have worked harder on the challenge but she has an idea about what to do.

Out on the runway, Heidi tells the designers that she and the judges were underwhelmed for this challenge, except for...

Winner: Bradon!! He's thrilled! I bet Kunt scowled. Kate and Alexander are whisked to safety.

As for the bottom three, Heidi believes all three of them should be out because of their crappy work. However, for the first time EVER, she's giving them an extra hour to revamp or create a brand new style. They can also have another designer help them out and they have access to all the remaining fabric in the room. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND GO!

Kunt is grateful for this and says he's here to fight to the end. He grabs Kate, Tiny Dom gets Helen, and Jeremy goes for Alexander. Kunt doesn't do much (what a shock) but Tiny Dom is going BALLS TO THE WALLS. Alexander hopes to help Jeremy make a YOUNGER dress that's playful while Kunt isn't getting it. Tiny Dom drapes her original print and pretty much goes nuts. Jeremy has made a new dress and Kate hopes she can keep Kunt safe. As Tim arrives, everyone is going insane. Kunt, however, is cocky enough to believe that he can be in with this dress.

Runway, ROUND 2! Kunt has made a tacky, trashy club dress, but Tiny Dom's new dress is miles better. It looks a bit sloppy but hey, that's what happens when you're only given an hour. And Jeremy made an underwhelmed night dress.

Round 2

Jeremy: Zac doesn’t think it’s interesting but pretty. Nina thinks it’s the right fabric and print. Stacy calls it younger and hipper. John likes the mix of the prints.

Tiny Dom: Heidi LOVES the dress and thinks everything looks nice. Zac congratulates her and thinks the print is cool and it’s one of her best pieces. Nina calls it fabulous, edgy, and easy. Stacy wants it NOW. She calls it classy and sexy. John likes how it looks all over the place (in the good way)


Kunt: Nina says she looks sexier and cooler. Stacy can see a young girl wearing it and John thinks it's more modern now. Heidi thinks he went too short but it's better and Zac calls it a night club dress.

After a brief chat, Heidi brings them back out onstage. Tiny Dom is sweeped to safety, but not before John tells her that he loves the dress so much, they're producing that one too! Tiny Dom cries and can't wait to show them more.

Bottom Two: Jeremy and Kunt
Out: Jeremy.


Kunt feels the right person went home. Bitch, no one asked you. Jeremy disagrees with the judges, naturally, but at least he can see his kids AND drink! He’s proud that he got as far as he did but he can’t wait to go back to his family.

Next time: SUPERFANS!!! Kunt goes REALLY apeshit, and maternity librarians.

Project Runway: Groundhog's Day

Previously on PR: The designers worked with SHOES! The battle of the plaid pants saw Alexander theQueen triumphant, Prissy Punk Helen wins again, Miranda the Riveter gets shit canned and probably seeks out therapy, and I begin to slack in updates because college has started once more. And that Kunt is getting on my nerves.

Eerie music and shots of the hotel start this episode, which means Heidi has planned something very sinister for the designers today. It comes in the form of Tim Gunn in a ref's shirt, blowing a whistle to wake everybody up. Karen has no idea what's going on and Jeremy admits that he's not much of a sports person (shocker). Another person? Kunt, who still refers to himself in the third person like an ass. Yeah, that's totally shocking! In the van on the way over (hey, they can fit everyone in one car now!), Jeremy asks when Alexander theQueen last exercised. Like the good theatre queen that he is, Alexander replies, "1876". Somehow, this goes into how shopping is considered an endurance sport. Personally, I think a shopping trip is successful when I manage to not have an internal battle of wills over buying a pair of pants/shoes/a shirt and how it will effect my wallet. Seriously, it's kind of traumatic.

The designers, decked out in New Balance wear, are on an athletic field where they meet Tim Gunn, in SHORTS, and Heidi, wearing what is the most decent thing she wore in 12 seasons of Project Runway: A simple tank top with her "Heidi Klum for New Balance" logo and jeans. Memo to Heidi: Please wear normal clothes more often. They look great.

LIKE ZEES?

Oh for the love of god...

Alexander theQueen is baffled by everything that has occurred today. Because their outing into the woods wasn't enough, Heidi wants to get their blood pumping even more by giving them a field day! In five teams of two (don't panic, it isn't a group challenge), they will compete in standard(ish) field day games that consist of a three legged race, a tire run, a wheelbarrow race, and ending the relay with a find a flag in kiddie pools filled with lingerie. The team that wins the relay will get a very valuable prize of choosing their fabrics first and getting AN EXTRA HOUR of working time. After a brief explanation of what performance wear is from Tim, the challenge is administered: Create fashionable yet functional pieces for Heidi's New Balance line, because she has to plug that in somewhere. Jeremy's excited because performance wear and mass market clothing aren't things he has tackled quite so often. Heidi also announces the winning design will be produced and sold in limited New Balance stores and online, which sets the designers all in a tizzy. Tim also lets them know that the teams are only for this activity only, so we can all breathe a bit easier.

The teams:
Justin and Dom: Team Red
Jeremy and Alexander: Team Blue
Helen and Bradon: Team Yellow
Inga and Kate: Team Orange
Karen and Kunt: Team Green

And Karen can immediately tell that Kunt does NOT want to be with her. Well, I'm pretty sure that he doesn't want to be with ANYONE, but that's because he's been acting like an ass for quite some time. Kunt isn't looking forward to this because this requires physical exertion. Bradon is confident with his partnering of Helen and Dom is feeling confident because she's a freaking Amazon. Kate, paired with Inga, has a plan: If she trips, Inga will drag her because Kate literally meets Inga's waist. And so, LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Bradon and Helen pretty much shoot off like fireworks, leaving the rest of the group in the dust. Soon, Bradon is like a track star and sprints to the pools... until Heidi screams at them that they forgot about the wheelbarrow portion! Oops! So they go back and give Dom and Justin the edge to win. Tiny Dom is thrilled because, even though she has yet to win a main challenge, she did win A challenge. Orange is next, followed by Green, Yellow, and poor Blue team is last, with Heidi congratulating them on finally finding their flag BUT they're still last. Jeremy thought Alexander would have been more athletic than he looked and I have to laugh that out of my system because theatre people are notoriously the least athletic types of people ever.

Justin is very grateful for the extra hour (he's grateful for everything these days, because he's a good noodle) but Helen is reminded that she has immunity. HOWEVER, says Tim, there will be NO MORE immunity saves here on out and Helen is decidedly worried. Meanwhile, Alexander has a sombrero to shade his eyes from the sun because he's paler than Casper. Helen feels like a million bucks because of the immunity but, luckily, remembers that the last time she had immunity, she kinda sorta coasted and got reprimanded for it. So she's determined this time that it wasn't a fluke. One more detail: Since it's her line, Heidi will join Tim in the workroom visits. Tiny Dom wets her pants because Heidi is very opinionated. Tim advises that the designers should look carefully at the textiles in Heidi's garments and we catch a glimpse of Moesha in a simple t-shirt and her standard heels. Instead of going to Mood, the designers will get their fabrics directly from the field and have $50 taken from all their accounts.

Karen is nervous because active wear isn't her thing while Bradon and Justin join Alexander's sombrero party. For sketching, Kate is inspired by her motocross enthusiast brother so she's going that route for the challenge. Helen plans to make a three piece outfit while Kunt also aims for a moto jacket with tights. TIGHTS? Karen's idea is to make pants that are fitted with a geometric design because she's universally screwed.

Back at Parsons, the newly dressed designers find some examples of Heidi's designs scattered all about the room. They're confused over why they're there, but I'm pretty sure they're there for a reference that they might need. Tim confirms this, but tells them that they are NOT allowed to cut them up for more fabric. He reminds them that they all have until 11, with the exception of Justin and Tiny Dom who get to stay until midnight. Before they even begin, Prissy Suckup Helen quickly goes off to find Tim to ask a question. Well, I will admit that's kind of smart. She asks him if she's allowed to use the existing pants as a background and Tim thinks it's a good idea... so, did she just repeat what he said about using the clothes as a reference. I don't get it. Kunt whips out his signature stank face, while Inga politely asks Helen what she asked Tim. Helen blows her off by saying that she won't repeat what she said. Um, okay. Relax. You're getting squat after the show, even if you DO win. Kunt feels the need to butt in so he says that to respond in that matter is very shady and, when HE confronts her about it, SHE is the one giving HIM attitude. I don't get it either.

And then it begins, ladies and gentlemen. Kunt turns into an immature prick by the second and Helen, well, she's not that much better. She whines about how, yes, they can use the clothes as a reference (newsflash: They knew that already. You worded it differently). So Kunt becomes a little shit and, to her credit, Helen is keeping calm. She wonders if it'll be Sandro, part 2 (miss him, oddly). Then she yells at him for cursing at her. This is the woman who called Kate a "fucking bitch" or something along those lines and curses quite often, I believe. Again, Kunt refers to himself as a third person. She goes on and on about him being disrespectful (in a room filled with people, mind you) and he says that he doesn't give a fuck. My, how the tables have turned when Kunt was the one saying this to Sandro. Bradon initially thought this was a joke until Kunt began to go a koo-koo. The tirade continues to the point where Kunt threatens Helen so, fearing for her life, she goes to find Tim, again. She doesn't get why he snapped like that but threats aren't to be taken lightly.

Inga, the devil's advocate, points out that Helen normally wanders from table to table asking about garments and such and Kunt called her out on it. Not sure how this fits in but, at this point, I don't care anymore. However, I'm pretty sure no one is going to get shot if they ask meager questions in a competition (but there IS a limit to it). She explains the situation to Tim and he says that she should keep her eyes open for now. Back in the work room, Helen tells Karen how Kunt is crazy, who storms his sassy ass out. Helen reminds everyone that she's here to win and if she's gonna act like a bitch, she's gonna die be a bitch. Kunt goes to talk on the phone in regards to how he "asked" a "simple question" and that Helen "gave [him] attitude". He calls his "spiritual mother" from his church, who gives him a "man up" speech. We get some back story about his sewing history, which once left him living in his car for two months.

Whatever.

 Oh wah, he lived in his car. It's not like he didn't have a home to go to if he needed or that he lost EVERYTHING in a devastating fire that killed his whole family. Then he babbles about how he doesn't judge a book by it's cover (running out of lines, Kunt?) and that he's an independent person. Not even a few seconds after he finishes talking, who should he bump into but Tim! He asks Kunt what's wrong, who bullshits about being tired and was pushed too far by Helen. After another "man up" speech, Tim gets him to apologize to Helen and they hug it out. Because that always works. Tiny Dom buys it and says it was genuine and Helen feels that the win will be better than some petty argument. This is making my head spin.

After a brief recap from Kate, Tim and Heidi arrive to rip the designers to shreds. Kate is nervous because the lady with the prizes is here. Heidi is pleasantly surprised that there is some color instead of just black, which causes Kunt to burst out in laughter because he needs attention to live. Kate is the first victim and Heidi loves the length of the her hoodie. Helen is next and, after some butt talk, Heidi warns her that it's looking very PLAIN. Justin says that he just got used to Tim in the room, now he has to worry about Heidi, who advises him not to make the top so high up that it ruins her favorite body part: The Boobs. Heidi is taken aback by Karen's odd bandeau top, which, once again, matches Karen's colored top. After 54 faces from Heidi, she gives her the harsh truth: It is impossible and no one would buy it. Kate wants to cry for Karen, who now only has three hours to make something fresh.

We breeze through Tiny Dom's skin effect, Alexander's culotte thighs, and Jeremy's sunburn which matches the sneakers. And then there's Kunt, who Heidi thinks he's making a scuba suit. Bradon aims to do a slimming effect and Inga cleans before the two arrive to her space. She actually has run over 50 marathons in her time so Tim thinks she's on familiar ground. Inga reveals another pair of poopy pants, which Heidi questions why would she do ANOTHER pair. Tim is afraid that it might go flat but Heidi admires her guts. Inga is aware that it's a hit or miss at this point so ride or die!

As the models arrive, Kate's concern for Karen grows. Jeremy says that Inga's outfit is hideous, which is pretty much what he says in each episode with some dopey smile on his face. Unfortunately, I kind of agree with him. Helen's crotch on her pants split open and her model jokes about how it could be the wow factor. Bradon is doing yet another technique that he's never tried before while Kunt decides to start over again. He plans to design for the women who are working out to pick up a trick in the gym. Classy, right? Alexander theQueen, however, thinks he's doing just fine considering he's never tackled sportswear before but he's still got a way to go, especially with the jacket. Karen's model is a bit bummed that Karen has nothing for her due to her starting over so Karen decides to make a loose sweater and pants instead as she panics inside.

With 30 minutes to go, Helen wonders why making a three piece was a good idea in the first place. Bradon is worried for Karen but hopes the "Last Minute" fairy will help her through. Karen seals her fate by introducing #iamgoinghome. 11 hits and the designers go home, leaving Justin and Tiny Dom with their extra hour. Nothing interesting happens other than Justin pointing out that the stakes are higher because it's Heidi's line they're working for.

Runway day arrives and Karen wastes no time running around, sewing as fast as she can. Inga is confident in her look but is well aware that there is competition around. She likes Kate and Bradon's looks so they're her top competitors. In the crunch, Karen isn't ready while Kate is blown away by Alexander's pants WHICH HAVE NO OUTSEAM. She doesn't know how that's even possible. Poor Karen is pestered by her model who keeps throwing out suggestions to her but she's just trying to get something ready. Despite how much she's freaking out, Karen looks pretty tame through it all. 30 minutes has Kunt with an unfinished top and Tiny Dom liking Kate's look. 10 minutes has Helen worried over the simple top she made, Justin calling Kunt's look functional but not fashionable, and Inga trying to cheer up Karen, who hopes someone else will suck more than her. Aim for the middle!

Onto the runway. Heidi has borrowed Gwyneth Paltrow's black Oscar dress, bra not included. Our guest judge is former judge, Melonhead Michael Kors, who sells overpriced underwear in Marshall's AND Burlington's. Now, let the Hunger Games show begin.

I'm going to say it now: Pretty much ALL the designs look the same. Kate's edgy, Bradon's very sleek and the colors pop on Ya, while Inga's avant-garde winning design knock off looks meh. And that she placed the pants a bit too low. I felt Prissy Punk Helen's design was kind of dumpy, even with the subtle green on the thighs. Tiny Dom's look is cool but could do without the hat. Justin's jacket is also cool but, being one of the few who made SHORTS, the shorts are kind of skanky short. In order to break the parade of black pants, Jeremy made his purple with a bizarre top. Karen's a bit 80's in a bad way, and it doesn't help her jacket puckers. And Alexander theQueen's colors work well and the fitting is on point. The pants, however, lean into "Mom Jean" land.

Prissy Punk Helen, Karen, Alexander theQueen, Kunt, Inga, and Kate are the highs and lows. Everyone else shuffles into the lounge. Tiny Dom is getting frustrated because she's safe again and can't get critiqued.

THE GOOD

Kate: Heidi liked how everything work but the zipper on the back is odd. Kors like how the zipper changes the look. Nina could take it outside of the gym. Zac admires the flexibility it has from gym to otherwise.

Alexander theQueen: Heidi thinks the pants are very well made and the color blocking works. Hip women would want it. Zac calls it professional but Nina doesn’t like the color block on the pants because it makes his girl look bigger. She does likes the jacket. Kors doesn’t think it’s memorable.

Prissy Punk Helen:  Nina loves that the jacket covers the bottom so well. She would wear this on the plane. Kors loves a cool hybrid and it’s Stevie Nicks active. Zac also loves the jacket and calls it Elvira at the gym. However, he felt the top is an afterthought. Heidi is happy that the jacket was made since it didn’t exist in the work room. It would work well on HSN, says Zac, but Kors reminds her that this is the point when Helen makes a face.

THE BAD

Kunt: Heidi wished it had more fashion and likes the back but it’s boooooooooooring. Zac wished there were more lines in it and Nina thinks the top’s proportion is awkward and is too low as it looks like a scuba suit/girdle. Heidi even mentions that she said that in the work room. Kors calls it a Tina Turner dress (?) and another clearance outfit.

Inga:  Zac doesn’t understand how those pants work and the pants aren’t fresh since she did it before. And the tee looks bad. Nina states that the pants are impractical and she’s seen the shredded look before. Kors says it’s like guy repellant, with the poopy pants, and "Pleasure me" pockets. And he cannot stop laughing because naked ladies make him laugh. Heidi gave her a high score because she likes the poopy-pant look. And says her kids probably can’t watch this episode because of poop references. But it’s her against the judges so Inga might be in trouble.

Karen: Kors calls it buffet on a cruise. It is not athletic and no body would want it. Nina says it’s sad, and her model is sad. The pants are messy as well. Zac thinks the top could have worked but the pants look weird. Heidi wears tops like that but it has to be loose bottom/tight top or vice versa. Karen is complimented for her work, however, for whipping that up in such limited time.

Closer looks don't reveal much so we get straight to it. Alexander theQueen is saved first, which leads to the winner.

Winner: Prissy Punk Helen, who still struggles with being humble. Nina, however, has already ordered the jacket. Helen never expected to win since this is out of her realm but now she feels comfortable in her position in the competition.

Following this, Kate and Inga are swept through.

Bottom: Kunt and Karen
Out: Karen. She saw it coming but feels that Kunt should have been booted because he's been in the bottom so often. Tim regrets that she wasn't on her game this time around and Karen agrees. It's just how the cookie crumbles, she says, but she's just gonna have to move on.

Next time: I slack so much that they're down to the final four, Inga is in trouble, Tim hates something, and Heidi is so unimpressed with what she sees on the runway that she sends the designers BACK up to fix up their designs for a second showing. 

Project Runway: Let's Get Some Shoes, BETCH

Previously on PR: The designers go camping and, rather than fight each other to the death, they had to make designs based on the surroundings. We've reached the halfway point of the competition and Justin decided to up the ante. Inga kicked ass and won and it was between Karen's muumuu and Justin's foaming vagina (is it me, or are vaginas getting a bit too much attention lately?). Unfortunately, Justin got axed... but then was saved by Uncle Tim!

It's a brand spanking new day and Justin is grateful to have been saved last time. As he tries not to cry in his interview, he says that he has the fire and the passion to continue. Inga thinks it was awesome that Tim used the save on him while Alexander worries that no one can be safe anymore now that the Tim Gunn save has been used. He confesses that Bradon is his biggest competition because he knows that the judges practically adore him. Kate the Comeback Kid tells us that she was eliminated at this point in her season that I never watched so she doesn't want history to repeat itself. Prissy Punk Helen says that now is the time to get serious and that she wants to win it all.

Today, Heidi greets the designers in a shirt that she thought was a dress and some seriously killer stilettos. Moesha, however, remains in a modest black dress. For the challenge, Heidi tells them that they're going to be doing a little "soul/SOLE searching" and that they're heading off to the Marie Claire closet to find out more details. Tiny Dom is no fool and accurately guesses that the challenge has something to do with shoes based on Heidi's killer heels.

At the MC closet, Inga hopes that this challenge will be difficult as she has immunity while Karen fangirls over being in the closet. Kate also fangirls because it's every girl's dream to be in a fashionable library of shoes. With Tim Gunn today is Editor in Chief of Marie Claire, Anne Fulenwider, who tells them that they are standing in her FAVORITE place in all of the MC offices. Tim and Anne cut straight to the point about the challenge: They're designing around SHOES! Be prepared as I'm using Kelly references gratuitously. But why shoes? Anne tells them that, according to the readers of MC, they often base their outfits primarily on their shoes, so they're the ultimate accessory. As such, the shoes the designers pick will also be the ones their models will wear on the runway. Tiny Dom is super relieved that, for once, the challenge is straightforward...

...until she notices the buzzers on the ground. The hell? Oh, Anne is not going to let them off that easy. They must compete in a quiz in order to pick their shoes. Kunt gets nervous because, as a "self taught" designer competing against "educated" ones, he might end up last. Only Inga doesn't get to play, as she won the last challenge, so she gets to pick her shoes first. Inga decides to take a big risk and, after some deliberation, chooses thigh high gladiator sandals. Nice! Now, let's get it started!

Kunt, unfortunately, answers the first correct answer and he chooses a similar ankle length gladiator heel. He then thinks he's hot shit by saying that, by answering one measly trivia question, he's embarrassed for the others for not knowing it (or, you know, they didn't have a chance to hit their buzzer) and that they don't know their fashion history. I wonder if he's met Serena ChaCha.

Another dimwit who tried to use "education" against their peers.

Yeah, knowing that a pair of shoes was inspired by a model's nail polish doesn't make you that much better than educated designers, it makes you a poor, pathetic geek. Jeremy wins next and picks Kimora Lee Simmons' thigh high stripper boots. Following him, Karen chooses Paris Hilton's rejected heels that eerily match Karen's sweater. Helen goes for the obvious choice for her and picks ankle boots with studs on the toes. Kate, however, picks these ridiculously ugly red sandals(?) that look damn near impossible to walk in (and they only have a two inch heel). When Alexander picks his shoes, he goes for cream colored mary jane wedges and requests that he get a pair in a size 12. We have the same shoe size in women's. That's scary. Justin picks out heels only a drag queen could love, leaving Miranda the Riveter, Tiny Dom, and Bradon left. Miranda says that she wonders why they don't ask irrelevant questions about wallpaper or something because she's practically screwed. Bradon wins after saying something about the Ruby slippers so he goes for their cousins: Gold slippers. It's down to Tiny Dom and Miranda and, after neither can answer a question about the little black dress (It's not Gucci), Tiny Dom is the victor and grabs colorful creepers. Miranda is slightly embarrassed that she landed in last place but it's all worth it because she picked the shoes she wanted all along: Slick red loafers. Sadly, nobody chose the metallic blue Doc Marten's.

After the game show, Tim gives the designers a good thirty minutes in the closet to sketch their ideas. Inga takes advantage of her shoes and puts them on. Kunt still cannot grasp that useless information is only good for dinner conversation, not an invitation for MENSA, and is still mighty proud for answering ONE question. I really want to punch him. Ditto for Jeremy, who chuckles at the fact that Tiny Dom or Miranda could answer the LBD question (Look, we're not all shut ins. Hell, I guessed Givenchy because of Audrey Hepburn but Coco Chanel has her bona fides). Plus, it was only two people, not an entire institute. Now STFU. Jeremy feels really confident with his place in the competition and says that he'll try to incorporate the chain of the boots into his design, which consists of a cable sweater... yes, because Christmas wear is IN. Helen tries to work with the studded toe on her boots but lands on a black dress with a cape. Meanwhile, Kunt says he's going to mix it up a teense and says that he'll make a jacket dress. FINALLY. A dress he can make that actually makes the girl bigger with no excuses! Coming off the last challenge with her cool avant-garde dress, Miranda the Riveter feels exhausted because it was just "safe" but she loves her shoes so I guess it doesn't matter in the end. Alexander theQueen (GOT ONE!) goes for a power woman on the go. In plaid pants. Sure.

At Mood, Kunt bemoans that he REALLY wanted to get Inga's shoes. Seriously, this dude is obsessed with her like Crapple Cathy and Abby Lee. With a suggested budget of $250, the designers go crazy. Bradon's flats are a bit tricky for him to work with so he's aiming to find fabrics that match. As the designers flit around, Swatch licks Tim's ear, sealing my love for the mascot. Miranda goes for the wool plaids to match her red shoes. This, however, sends Alexander theQueen into a bit of tizzy as HE'S using similar plaid fabric. But he's just concerned that the judges might lump the two together for similar looks. In the workroom, Alexander sees that Miranda is also making plaid pants! GASP! He goes over to his bestie Bradon to ask if he should be worried. Bradon calls it the battle of the tartans (hee!). Kunt hasn't said anything in three minutes so he rears his head in to point out the obvious that this will help someone but hurt the other.

Today, it's Kate's turn to recap, but there's nothing too interesting there, so let's check on Tiny Dom and her growing love for her creepers. As she takes out her fabrics, she finds that she practically matched all the colors of her shoes perfectly. To help with her design, Inga has Karen try on the gladiator sandals. Inga plans to make a short dress to really show off the shoes. Kunt whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiines about being in either the bottom or just safe and, again, refers to himself in the third person. Good god, when will it end? Kate's strategy is to keep the garment pretty basic so she can show off... whatever those things are. Bradon notes that, at this point, EVERY ONE is competition while Jeremy the Hard to Please shows off his design to Alexander theQueen, who still finds Jeremy to be his competition. Elsewhere, Bradon decides to try ANOTHER sewing technique, this time it's from the French word for boiling where the fabric looks like water being boiled through intricate draping. I hope he doesn't fall into the same path Rami from Season 4 went into and did nothing but drape, drape, drape everything... EVEN DENIM.

As Tim walks in to a disturbingly quiet work room once more, he says that he's thrilled everyone is taking this task so seriously. Inga is up first and launches into a car salesman by saying that, while the shoes do look S&M, she aims to make her design have them appear to be fun and cute as well. It will be a statement but without the whip. God, I love this broad. Karen, however, is not impressed with Inga's plan. Moving on to Justin, who is two seconds away from giving Tim a blowjob for saving him. He aims to make a three piece outfit. Miranda's plan is to make a high wasted pant with a blouse and a jacket. Bradon is worried for her since she's pretty much making the same exact thing from the bowtie challenge, but, thankfully (?), not with the pencil skirt included. However, it still looks 80's. Miranda tells us that the last time Tim gave her advice, it royally screwed her over so she's just going to stick to her guns. Alexander theQueen tells Tim of his worries of doing similar pants to Miranda, but Tim tells him that, if HIS pants are better, then it won't matter. On to Kunt, where Tim calls it over-designed and dated. Bradon says that he was drawn to the print of the shoes but doesn't want to make it so casual. Kunt says that Bradon's design would be something that his great-great grandmother would wear in her casket. There's a slave joke I almost could have put down here but that is far too tasteless, even for me. Anyway, Helen senses that Bradon is in trouble when Tim asks him about where his girl would be going and Bradon hasn't got a clue. Jeremy has no idea what Bradon has done. Bradon likes the technique but feels that it isn't right for the garment.

On to Kate, who's making mom pants, and then Jeremy who has bold shoes and Bradon likes his styling. Tiny Dom loves her creepers so she's aiming to make a t-shirt dress (again?). She hopes that the judges will see the effort she made into her look. Karen was inspired by the bold color but Tim wonders if the dress and the shoes are too matchy. Prissy Punk Helen did a basic dress, even though she wanted to do something more tailored. Tim calls it something Kate Middleton would wear, but without the lace. Inga doesn't think it's so fresh or modern. And thus, Tim leaves in good spirits.

Bradon's new plan is to use the technique to make a top, not a dress, and work on a skirt. Tiny Dom says that while he has a good eye for the draping, it isn't great to pair with a skirt. Prissy Punk Helen hopes the matronly vibe will go away when her dress is completed. Karen admits that even she wants to wear Helen's design. As Jeremy notes how everyone is worried about time and how he wishes he could have more, Tiny Dom wonders how will it go down with the plaid pants.

In the sewing room, Kunt feels the need to stir some shit so he asks about the pant debacle. He also notes that, with the "weak links" gone, people are becoming more competitive. As Jeremy and Alexander have a tiny fight over a sewing machine (which kind of looks more playful than bitchy), Kunt believes that it's time to stop assisting and to bring out the knives. I hope he asks for help later so he can be a little hypocrite. As Tiny Dom frets over her piecing, Bradon says that everyone is their own worst enemy. He's getting frustrated and goes to talk on the phone to Josh, his now fiancee. He cries, says the same all lovey-dovey crap, and admits to feeling the pressure.

Runway Day. Miranda just needs to sew a zipper on her pants and feels very confident in her look. Alexander, on the other hand, hopes that he can beat her. Tim enters to give the two hour speech but this time advises the designers to be careful when accessorizing since they already have the shoes they're working with. In the time before the show, Bradon realizes that he has to hem his circle skirt and he must do it by hand. Inga is also hemming her dress and adding lace detail. Alexander runs into a problem when he has made his pants just a teense too tight for his girl, who can get her foot through the leg. So, he simply cuts open the inseam a bit and sews her into them. Clever! Though Miranda is confident that her pants are completely different from Alexander's, Alexander believes that Miranda's are a crazy mess. Kunt says something that I just don't care for and Kate is worried for Bradon, who's making Nastasia look older than... NINETEEN? Jeremy thinks his design is ambitious while everyone comments on Miranda's model's hair, which Kunt describes as "Amy Winehouse after she OD'd." Um, she overdosed pretty much every day until her death so that's just typical Amy Winehouse. In the crunch, Bradon admits that, this time, he definitely bit off more than he can chew but he's happy with the look. And then, it's runway time.

OMG Shoes.

Heidi enters wearing a sparkly dress that should lose the sleeves and recaps that the designers had to work with SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES. Guest judges are Kaley Cuoco from The Big Bang Theory and Anne Fulenwalder, who is holding onto her 15 minutes on this episode hostage. Let the show begin!

Kunt is first and, though most of the design is nice, he made his girl preggo with the peplum. Alexander theQueen's outfit is very nice and it definitely compliments the shoes. His top is impressive as well. Unfortunately, Miranda the Riveter follows and her end product looks like her girl is wearing golf pants. Battle of the Tartans winner goes to Alexander theQueen, who's slowly becoming my favorite. Tiny Dom's design is very edgy to match the creepers and I like that she managed to get matchy without it going too tacky. Justin's three piece redeems him from last week and it's very high end and all black, which works perfectly with the shoes since they're so loud. Inga's dress barely teeters on S&M but it looks very cool, maybe a bit better if it were something like a creme color. Karen's dress is pretty nice but she made the coat too big. Bradon's, sadly, is a mess. I like the colors but the swing dancer concept fell flat. Kate's outfit looks wicked great and it matches the essence of the crazy shoes. Jeremy has made a tacky mall girl outfit, and Helen's dress, though simple, is enhanced by the divine looking cape.

Kate, Karen, Justin, Tiny Dom, and Alexander theQueen are all spared. Laters! Kate is thrilled that she made it into the top 10.

THE GOOD

Inga (Gladiator Bondage Boot): Heidi LOVES the shoes (of course) and what Inga made was perfect for them. It's whimsical and feminine to work against the hard edge. Nina calls the shoes powerful and intoxicating while her design made it look soft and editorial. This is how Nina would want it to look. Zac has to be boring pissy pants and says that it doesn't really wow him because he doesn't like the shoes. Anne loves the touch of lace in the dress and Kaley loves the boldness and the feminine details.

Prissy Punk Helen (Studded Toe Bootie): Nina wanted her look. It's minimal and classic and would have worked with ANY of the shoes the designers picked out (Even the creepers?). Kaley wants the dress NOW and would wear it tomorrow. Zac calls it fantastic and Anne thinks it's stunning and sophisticated. Heidi loves the look. She says it's sleek, chic, and it made her model look young and modern.

Kunt (Damn it. Gladiator Heel Bootie): Heidi was surprised that this was his (in the good way). The model looks sophisticated and hard and the fabric works with the shoes. Zac also likes the fabric but feels the bag doesn't work here, as it makes it into a club dress. Nina loves it as it shows a lot of leg and yet it's still covered. Kaley also loves it and thinks it's cute and cool. Anne thinks it's fabulous and a killer dress, but wishes the hem were a bit longer.

THE BAD

Jeremy (Thigh High Boots with Chain): Heidi is reminded of Pretty Woman because of the boots and she doesn't think it looks modern. Kaley feels that there is a lot going on and Zac thinks it verges on trampy. Nina wants to know what he thought his girl was going and also compares the boots to Julia Roberts' character. She feels as though it should have been more rocker-esque. Zac is starting to question who Jeremy is as a designer.

Miranda the Riveter (Red Leather Loafer): Heidi noticed the pants debacle on the runway. She didn't like this look at all and has no idea what era it's coming from. While Zac DOES like that it's not a typical "cool girl" kind of a look, it's not kooky enough. Nina wants to know where the eggnog is, as it reminds her too much of Christmas wear. Kaley isn't digging it and suggests that it might have been better with just a tank top. This, however, looks forced. Anne didn't see the rock n' roll vibe Miranda was aiming for and says that it just is not flattering.

Bradon (Gold Loafer): Heidi picked up on the swing dancing reference he aimed for but thinks it's too old school. She would have preferred a suit with these shoes. Nina loves the shoes but wished she could have seen them with a simple a-line dress. The top, to her, looks very tortured. Zac calls it frumpy-dumpy and says the top isn't flattering. Anne didn't like this look at all as the fabrics look cheap in comparison to the shoes. Kaley thinks it looks like a baaaad bridesmaid dress.

In the lounge, Jeremy the Delusional believes the judges don't know what they're talking about. Oh please, you tried to make a cable knit sweater and a short skirt and she looked like a holiday Bratz doll. Get over yourself. Closer looks reveal nothing special, once more.

Before she announces the winner, Heidi notes that the three top choices were all LBDs. What a weird coincidence.

Winner: Helen! Kunt pouts. She says that the win felt right, and I say that she should start to be more humble before someone clocks her.

Kunt is in but he bashes Helen's garment in his interview. He feels that he should have won. With that pregnant dress? Please. Inga is also in and so is Jeremy.

Bottom Two: Bradon and Miranda the Riveter
Out: Miranda the Riveter.

Bradon is extremely relieved. Now, he has to look at the big picture when it comes to challenges from now on and not focus on techniques that might work. Miranda is devastated and mad that she got shit canned on a challenge she enjoyed doing. She's also disappointed that she didn't go any further because she really wanted to show at fashion week. However, she is glad that she got to meet everyone. Tim is proud of how far she came and that he is going to miss her. Tim advises the group that they should all stand by their convictions from now on. Miranda closes out by stating that she's happy she was true to herself in this challenge.

Now, LET'S PARTY.

Next time: Tim is a referee and Heidi treats the group to a field day! Heidi also appears for the Tim critiques, Karen worries, Kunt flips out on Helen and Tim has to reprimand his behavior. On the runway, we find the return of poopy pants.