Oddly enough, there's no mention of the St. Louis people in the "Previously on DM" bumper, which I thought was weird, since last time they did something like that, it was because of the Showgirls/Prostitot episode that got banned. Anyway, the team is still in California because of the Nationals that are coming up. They're at the Millennium Dance Studio, where Chloe tells us is the same space Britney Spears and Not-so-Teeny Aguileeny rehearse. Abby says they weren't focused at iHollywood. She also addresses Kaya and Nini, who are no longer with the team. She praises the girls for being civil with Nini (seriously, what the hell were they GONNA do? Become mean girls? Not this crowd) but admonishes the moms for running off ANOTHER crazy mom. Personally, I think Abby only brought Nini in in order to bump up the group to a different category so they could win. Hey, it's been shown to happen many, MANY times on this show (re: "Land Unforgiven" with the pre-Med graduate ringers, every piece Crazy Cathy has entered). At least Macks wasn't there to just run onstage and push a girl on a swing. Also, "Bitch" is an censored obscenity again? But I digress...
Pyramid begins with Kendall's triumphant return to the bottom, probation free. She's glad to have made it back onto the pyramid but feels that she doesn't deserve to be on the bottom since she worked hard last week. Something about that makes me think she's not reading her mother's cue cards anymore. Paige follows because she worked hard coming out of an injury and Abby expects her to go full out 100% from now on. Keep this in mind for later. Brooke follows her because she finished earlier than the rest of the group. Oopsy-tootsy. And MADDIE is on the bottom because she blended into the group when she really should have stood out. Melissa, strangely, seems very at ease with this in the confessional. In the middle, Nia is there for doing an outstanding job with the difficult music and choreo but, as always, she needs to work on her technique. Chloe follows for breaking in the top 5 but she needs to be consistant. Whatever. She says that she feels the pressure to do better. This leaves precious Mackenzie on top for placing third. Melissa comments that this doesn't happen often for Mackenzie so she's "tickled" by this.
This week, the team will be competing at the In10sity competition in California. Abby says, for the first of way too many times in this episode, that this will determine who gets to perform what at the Nationals the following week. For dance assignments, Macks will get a solo titled "A Perfect Day for Fun". Chloe gets a solo titled "Ghost". Who else gets solos? Paige and Kendall, the latter's called "Kiss, Kiss". Nia gets a solo inspired by the 60's and Brooke gets an acro (duh-huh) solo titled "Fly". So that's about everyone---- WAIT!!! Melissa gestures to Maddie to raise her hand. Because she appears to be ahead of the producers but Abby catches her out of the corner of her eye and wishes she would butt out. Anyway, Maddie wonders if she's getting a solo. Abby would love to but she can't unless Maddie can prove that she WANTS it and she'll have to beg for it. Melissa tries to say that Maddie really wants one but Abby points out that last time, Melissa screwed her kid over. Poor Maddie Blanche DuBois is devastated. Again, Abby bellows that there's going to be an audition where she won't get cast so she's gonna have to suck it up. Also remember that Maddie's about 10 so this seems to be very brutal to say. Christi feels bad for Maddie because the pressure's building and it's becoming evident that Maddie's no longer Abby's favorite.
So, to recap, the Nationals are next week and all the girls, save for Maddie Blanche DuBois, have solos. The last time this happened, Maddie got TWO solos, Paige forgot hers, and Vivi was on the team. Speaking of, FREE VIVI! In the Mom area, because the Millennium doesn't have an observation booth, Melissa comments, with a smile (?), that Maddie tried her hardest to fight back the tears. Kelly randomly butts in to say that her kids NEVER get solos. Well, that's kind of because you also screw them over by barging in their rehearsals, having meltdowns, pulling their numbers, and whatnot. She sheds some light on the team's past in her confessional. You see, back in the day, Brooke was the "Maddie" of the group, but that all changed as she grew older. Abby's like a leech: She works the kid out, sucks them dry of their ambition, and moves on to fresh meat.
That fresh meat most likely being Macks, who is rehearsing her solo. She hopes she remembers it but I notice in the background that Paige has her boot back on. Uh ohs... Then, as the moms sit around, Melissa decides that she no longer needs to be there since there's only 20 minutes left in the class so she's taking her kids. Uh, huh? Christi is no fool and can immediately tell that Melissa has something planned for her girls.
 |
| It must be a "Chris(ti)" thing. |
I assume it's a different day because everyone is wearing different outfits as Paige rehearses her solo, "City of Angels". Oh! Does this mean she gets to perform to this song?! Nope, she gets to perform on a chaise couch to some techno song. In other news, the earth revolves around the sun. Paige knows good and goddamn well that Abby's watering down the choreography because of her foot. Abby says she knows her foot isn't 100% healed... so why force her to dance?! Paige is done for the day and, when outside, breaks down because her foot is in serious pain. Kelly hasn't complained in a while so she says that it's unfair that Paige only gets an hour long practice. At this point, it's whatever.
It's a newer day (?), or at least it seems to be since Abby walks in on the mom area where they're waiting outside. Abby has 2 days and 6 solos to work on. Today, we start with Chloe rehearsing "Ghost". Abby describes the music as pretty which gets bigger and bigger as the song progresses. So this is a good number for her. Oh, and hi Gia! Abby thinks she's got this. Outside, Kelly tells the moms that she's hired a music producer to professionally record Brooke's song and she wants the team to provide backing vocals. So, naturally, the girls are all excited. Back to solos! Nia rehearses and Abby says that she's got entertainment value so that's what she does best. It's good to see her steer away from ethnic only pieces. Back outside, since it's called Dance MOMS, Melissa brags about the MSA meeting and immediately I pine for Jen! to make an appearance again. The moms are stunned silent, mostly because of how much of a prick Melissa is. Christi says that it's frustrating how Kelly does one thing for her kid but Melissa immediately has to one-up her. In real time, Christi calls her out on doing things in secret and how that's not really necessary (especially since it's all captured on cameras anyway). But, seriously, wtf is Melissa GOING to do? Launch a sniper attack on the moms? Kelly believes that Melissa's antics might make Maddie feel shunned by the others because, well, look who raised her.
Abby, meanwhile, has NO IDEA why Melissa left the rehearsal yesterday. So she instills fear into Maddie and Macks and asks where did they go the other day. Maddie says MSA and Macks tells her they met a girl named Jen! who, allegedly, Abby knows. Just like all the roads in the US. Anyway, she tells Maddie not to bring up MSA EVER and to not worry over what the others think since they don't care. After all, Jabba the Lee has the perfect mother gene. Which is none. Abby says Melissa does want the best for her kids but their dancing and education must come first and not agencies.
Net up for the solo rehearsals is Brooke, who I thought was performing to yet another Anna Ayers song, but it turned out to be yet another Alisa Shamrow song. Abby needs to expand her music choices, even if it means copyright infringement. She does well but Abby's big issue with Brooke is her completely non-expressive face. While we're on Brooke, let's peek in at the recording of her ditty, "Summer Love Song". That producer Kelly's hired? Turns out it's the same guy from last season who directed/produced/did something with the girls and a music video with some obscure pop star, Seven. Kelly obviously says that there's not a lot of opportunities out in Pittsburgh (ain't that the truth, especially when you're on a national television show). Brooke found the experience awesome but, naturally, the final product is autotuned out of the wazoo. Nevertheless, Kelly has no idea what's going to come out of this but hopes it was a positive experience.
Moving on to Kendall Maureen Cummings, Abby says that the solo isn't really "deep" but it has to entertain the audience. Kendall just got back on the team so she BETTER NOT DISAPPOINT. Kendall reads that she really wants a solo at Nationals. As Abby tells her that she's not paying attention to what the song says, she confessionalizes that she wonders how long it's going to take her to whizz past the others on the pyramid. Forever, probably.
Lurking in the corner is Maddie Blanche DuBois, who asks for a solo because it makes her happy. Abby brings up Sologate for the trillionth time and we find out the censored word from THAT episode turned out to be "crapping". Lifetime really needs to replace their editors, like ASAP. Abby then asks for a reason why she should perform and Maddie says it's because she's the only one without a solo. Abby doesn't buy it and says that Maddie should want it from deep in her heart. For a moment there, I thought she was going to have the kid write a 5 page thesis on why she should do a solo. Abby says this is to teach her a lesson. I'm sure it is, Jabba.
So the nonsense moment comes in the form of Abby making a music video for Brooke's little song. She says that she has a vision for the video, which consists of the girls dancing on a tour bus and in various locations. How original! Maybe for her next video, she should do the one shot slow walk. Their high tech material consists of a hand held video camera. Oh please, on "All the Right Moves", at least their dances look professional. Brooke is excited for the video but says that Abby is sucking the fun out of it. LMAO!!! Kelly says she loves that Abby's taking part but WHY is she being the control freak even here? She does admit some of her ideas are cute. Especially the one where Maddie darts into the middle of the street and begins doing some strange lyrical arm movements, which is EXACTLY what I do when I improvise. As for the running into the street, I really hope this isn't one of Abby's ways to get rid of the old favorite. Maddie says that it was one of the best days she's ever had.
Back at the studio, Abby claims that they only have 45 minutes to use the space today because they spent the time filming the music video. I'm sure of it. Maddie asks Abby to do a solo by using a scripted excuse. Abby ends up giving it to her because, well, DUH. But she says that it's because Maddie's learned her lesson. Maddie says that she deserved it (I'm really starting to loathe the term "deserve") but Abby sees that she's gotten rusty. However, outside, Holly proves why she's earned those degrees by saying that of course Abby was going to give her a solo. There's a reason why she's called DR. Holly. Melissa gives her standard bitchface while Maddie interviews that she's ready to prove to Abby why she deserved the solo. Whatevs.
At In10sity, the team is apparently given a blackbox theatre to get ready. Abby repeats the whole nationals business but I was more preoccupied with the Sunday shirt she was wearing. And she, again, says it might be the end of the road for some of them. Whatever, I don't think Lifetime would even LET her let go of any of those kids. I'm assuming they're going in age order because Macks and Kendall, the youngest girls of the the bunch, are up first. Macks interviews that the only thing that matters in the world at that moment is her solo... and then she just stares at the camera with an expression that reads, "Didja get the shot?" Of course she's cute, of course the costume is adorable, of course all she does is acrobatics, of course she... freezes! EEK! Of course Lifetime edits it to make it seem far worse than it appears. Luckily, she makes something up and presses on smoothly. Abby, naturally, is somewhat mortified but, from Mackenzie's view, she forgot the dance for a split-second so poo poo on you, Miss Abby Lee. She IS worried that Abby is going to be mad at her. Speaking of, Abby said that she could've done better.
Kendall is up next for her "Kiss, Kiss" jazz number. I think Abby should stop with the literal costumes because the bra top Kendall's wearing that's supposed to look like lips? It looks like she has oddly shaped, erm, hooters. I'm not a fan of the dance. Jill-Cher says she hates to put this much pressure on her kid but she definitely wants her to go to Nationals. Oh, really? So, why did you shove her into this godforsaken mess? Kendall says that she thought she did pretty great and she really wanted to show Abby just what she could do.
In the dressing room, Kendall gets a hug from her mom but Macks looks very defeated. Melissa tries to convince her that she did perfect but even Macks can see through the bullshit. So does Abby, who bellows that she's hearing "Perfect" and all that nonsense when it's really not. She says Kendall did nice but Macks could've been way better. The girls need to come off knowing it's the best they've ever danced and, if they're trying to impress her, it ain't working. You'd need a three course meal of desserts for that to happen.
Maddie and Nia are up next, with Nia going first for "I Like the 60's". Thankfully, she's not in a ridiculous afro but a period correct wig. Nia's definitely gotten better but the dance's choreography is really lame. She's a great little actress though. Abby enjoyed her face because that's her best feature.
Maddie says she has to prove to Abby she made the right choice by having her dance a solo she was going to perform anyway. Her solo, as we discover, is called "Piece of my Heart". Oooh! Does this mean she's going to portray Janis?! On second thought, thinking back to Travis Wall's not-so-pleasant dance he choreographed on SYTYCD, that's an unwise choice of song. No, it's another piano ballad with Maddie looking constipated 94% of the time. Melissa cries, but that's nothing new, along with the sucking up to Abby after the routine is finished. I'm gonna ignore the "perfection" remarks.
The next two gals are Chloe and Paige. Kelly's concerned about Paige because of the same old crap she's been spewing about her foot and not getting enough practice. The foot is understandable but the "not enough rehearsal time" excuse isn't working anymore. Abby's glad to see her back onstage though. Meanwhile, Christi's coaching Chloe, and she says she feels good about the solo, so the better she is, the better chance at performing at Nationals. Chloe, for a change, says that she's rehearsed a lot so she's feeling pretty confident today. Now, I love Chloe and everything but this dance was doing her no favors. Christi finds it frustrating that Abby's placing all this pressure on the girls for this ONE performance (lies) and not the other googol of numbers. Chloe is proud but she knows she could've done better. And so whatever happens, happens. Go Chloe.
Paige is very worried because her foot is in pain. However, as she dances, I can tell that the choreography looks really labored but not because she's in pain. When she's done, she manages to keep her composure onstage but immediately collapses on Chloe backstage. Abby contradicts herself by saying she knows Paige isn't 100% healed yet. Paige is sobbing in Kelly's arms, who tries to calm her daughter down. Paige then says something that sounds like she forgot the whole number (AGAIN?) but Kelly is livid because this is unfair. Paige is worried that she won't be able to dance at Nationals. Hmm.
Abby wants Brooke to stretch as she's the last one to go. Abby thinks it could either way with her: She'll either be great or she'll suck miserably. Brooke is confident but a bit scared she might forget like Mackenzie. However, before she begins, I notice something very odd in the audience: The girls are wearing different costumes. SO THERE WAS A GROUP DANCE THERE AFTER ALL!!! Probably it was that airline group Lifetime posted on their website. Anyway, she doesn't do half bad. Brooke is glad she managed to hit all her tricks and that she didn't forget the piece after all. In the dressing room, Kelly asks her what was the best thing that happened during the week. Brooke's answer: The music video. Duh-huh.
Awards time. Macks gets first and is very excited for the win! This negates Abby's bitchiness. Onto the juniors, Chloe lands in 6th, and says she could've done better so she'll try harder next time. Kendall places 5th so Jill-Cher wets her pants over this because Kendall managed to beat one of Abby's "top students". Lady, give it a rest. It's a dance competition, not a war. Plus, it's only this ONE time. Also, do I need to say Maddie wins? Melissa is proud because she learned the dance in one day. I'll bet she did. Poor Nia and Paige don't place. Nia is disappointed because she knows she could do better than this. Christi worries because she knows 6th might not guarantee a spot at Nationals. As for Brooke, she places 4th and hopes Abby would still be proud of her. Kelly's in a predicament because Paige didn't place but Brooke did. Even then, they don't have much of a chance.
Abby's douche moment arrives just in the nick of time when she says that, all things considered, thought they did well but she wants that clean sweep. Then she rubs salt in the wounds and congratulates Melissa for her kids' wins. Christi's all "WTF?" Abby says she has no idea what's going to happen at the Nationals and ominously says that she may or may not use the whole group. We shall see about that...
Next time on the SEASON FINALE: IT ALL ENDS thank god. Cathy makes threats on beating the ALDC, Kelly vs. Abby once again, Cathy may have dementia, the Crapples chant outside of an ALDC storage closet, and Abby states that there will be hell to pay.
No comments:
Post a Comment