Project Runway: Belts are for Whippin' Bastards!

Previously on Project Runway: Another team challenge turned out to be surprisingly, well, smooth! The only drama being Elena and Eddie Munster going at it every ten seconds. My wildest dreams came true as my new bestie Miss Melissa won the Working Woman challenge with a chic dress that wasn't in black but *gasp!* BLUE! And the dreams continued to come true as both Mean Girl Gunnar and Eddie were in the bottom 2 but were crushed when only the auf'ed deeeeeeeeesigner was auf'ed. Again.

First, I haven't been able to watch the episode beforehand because I had rehearsal that evening and thought, "Oh, I don't need to DVR! La-di-da! I'll just watch it on demand!" So when I DID try to watch it, it wouldn't work. So that's why this entry is sooooo late. Second, I looked through my tags and wondered why I had put down "Team Melissa" and panicked because I most certainly don't remember supporting Melissa the Snatch (of Dance Moms) for any reason whatsoever, then I remembered I meant THIS Melissa. Oopsy-tootsy!

At long last, I was finally able to watch the episode!... after about two weeks. And I notice that only Heidi is present for the opening titles. What happened? No longer enthusiastic for the TENTH season? Sad no? Anyway, the morning montage features the designers not wanting to get up. Christopher, just like myself, sleeps with a sleeping mask on! Of course, I don't think it's because certain siblings insist of sleeping with a lamp on. Ven tries to get him up and Christopher asks him to make some coffee. Ven, of course, is an emotional pancake so I can't be sure if he was joking around. Sonjia decides to be snarky this week and wants to bump some of the silk chiffonies out in order to even the girls and guys. Dmit-zzzzz moans that he has gotten so close but has yet to win a chiiyallenge. He wants to prove to the judges that he's among the top but he's losing confidence in that. After someone wanting one day to just sleep in (not happening here!) and a shot of very nice boots that I would want (even if they are Mean Girl Gunnar's), it's off to the runway.

Today, Christopher is wearing Hoochie shorts and Toms, which do no favor for his skinny legs. Heidi introduces the NEW clients and everyone begins to panic when they see that, according to Elena, they are normal, run-of-the-mill people, not the Amazonian models they've been working with since day one. Heidi does tell them that they AREN'T their clients, per se, and Melissa grab her head in confusion and Christopher is worried about what is to come. It's the Product Placement challenge which, for this season, is called the "L'Oreal TV Whore Make my Friend Over" challenge. Also known as the "Fatty" challenge since real people are perceived to weigh over 5 pounds in the fashion world. Dmit-zzzzz jokes if they have a choice, to which Heidi quips with a "No!" Heidi wishes them lots of luck and Christopher gives Melissa a high five since she's the only one who doesn't have to worry so much since she has immunity. Heidi asks him what's wrong and assures him that it's going to be fun. Christopher then says, "You just wished up luck!" Project Runway this season seems to be very light hearted.

In the workroom, Tim introduces the episode's shill, Johnny Lavoy, who is the hairstylst for L'Oreal that the designers have been working with for forever. Obviously, he'll be working on the hair makeovers on the clients. Tim informs the designers that the clients have been randomly assigned and, as always, they only have a day for this challenge. So, let's meet these people who have sold their lives away for this episode.

Sonjia's client, a butch girl named Amanda, was dragged here by her older sister, Angelica, to spruce her up and make her look sophisticated. Amanda admits she usually wears sweats because it's very difficult shopping for her body. She relays an incident where shopping for her graduation dress took five hours. So she asks for a dress and Sonjia plans to stick to a stricter design. Elena meets Buffi 0.5, Jenna, and her friend Hilary. Hilary says that Jenna is very colorful but she overdoes it and buys colorful garments. She wants her to tone down the colors a bit. Christopher gets Kate and Michele, and it's a little hard to find out who is who because they both look fine. Kate normally dresses in jeans and blazers so she wants something that'll go with her everyday wear. We don't spend too much time on them so it's safe to say he's not going anywhere.

So, let's spend some time on tonight's problem child, Needlebutt Ven and his client, Terri, and her friend, Theo. You can feel his spirit dying when Terri, a big girl, says she's his client. Theo describes her regular attire as "business casual" and Ven asks for her normal attire, which Terri describes as 10 year old jeans and a t-shirt. Ven whines because he's disappointed that he got a plus size real woman and that plus sizes have different proportions. Theo wants to see her in a pretty dress, something Terri's son wants to see her in as well. Terri jokes about wanting jeans. Unamused Ven aims to give her something comfy. This will go over well.
Dmit-zzzzz's client is Angela and her friend Elena, who looks like a librarian and should lay off the red lipstick. And SHE'S not the one getting made over. Angela looks like a mini-Gretchen from season 8 (you know, the one who unrightfully won and pissed everyone off?). Dmit-zzzzz describes his aesthetic as high fashion but timeless. In other words, A BALLROOM COSTUME. Mini-Gretchen says she likes big chunky jewelry. This is exemplified by the chip clip in her hair. Both she and Dmit-zzzzz like contrast so this should work fine. Alicia's client, Martina, gives the best description for her outfit. She wants men to marry her and women to be her. This should be an interesting change because she looks like a 12-year-old. Again, we don't spend much time on this trio, to the point where the friend, Christina, doesn't even say much.
Melissa's client Kandace is another person who should lay off the red lipstick. Her friend, Jodi, says she starts of her outfits with her shoes. They agree on a dress. Nathan has Liana, at least I think that's her name, and her friend Joshua. She's a R&B singer in the making, which leads Nathan to say that he has a degree in music (then why are you here?) and that he plays, sings, and writes but the only musician he has every designed for was, get this, his MOTHER. You, sir, are a boring nerd.
Fabio's client, Ko-Rely, and her friend, Judah-ley, should have been given better names. Ko-Rely dresses like a hipster and she looks kind of dowdy and admits that she only wears dresses when she's forced to. Hello, new bestie. Ko-Rely wants to avoid being sexualized so Fabio plans to make something that's both edgy and girly. Mean Girl Gunnar's client, Kim, was dragged in by her friend Catherine because Kim has a great personality. Kim's excited for this because she's never had the opportunity for a makeover (I guess). She starts crying out of joy when Gunnar begins measuring her, prompting him to give her a hug. I'm going to take a wild guess that someone spiked his drinks with Paxil or something but, whoever you are, keep doing it. But also burn the shirt he's wearing too.

At Mood, Fabio aims for grey cotton while Nathan runs into a problem when the store is out of the material he's looking for: skanky blue satin. Dmit-zzzzz says that they have to tone down their aesthetic for their client which is the focus of the challenge while Needlebubblebutt Ven whines about having to work with a plus sized girl some more. The reason being he's a selfish asswipe.

After some time, Alicia has to throw in a soundbite, so I guess her main duty this season (until/unless she's auffed) is to recap the challenge. Mission accomplished. Go back to counting your dreads. The clients meet with Johnny to discuss their hair makeover. And who doesn't love hair makeovers? Personally, I want to do something crazy with my hair but I don't think anyone in my family would approve of it. Kandace is going redder, Mini-Gretchen will go brighter, Terri looks like she wants to punch something very hard, Jenna's hair is a bit wild, Johnny shills the Healthy Look product, and Ko-Rely's hair, which will be in an asymmetrical bob, is chopped off by her willing friend. These people look like fun. After that fun, Tim tells them they have until 11 (no surprise there). While Fabio whines about being in the bottom a few challenges back, NeedleBlubberButt Ven whines some more about the others having "model sized" clients (you hear that Sonjia? 5'2" is model sized!) and he's got a plus sized woman. Ms. Latrice Motherfuckin' Royale, take it away...

Guuuurrrrl... 5 G's.

Indeed. Good God, get a grip, girl. Ven is turning out to be as irritating as Olivier from Oheeo.

Now, let's dive into some character development. Today, it's siblings! Dmit-zzzzz doesn't click with his brother because he was a ballroom dancer while the brother preferred the totally not ambiguous sports. Mean Girl Gunnar's brother just turned 20 and is in the military. That made them closer. Personally, I'd be thrilled if any of my siblings went away for god knows how long. Then he brags about his happy family and I throw up. Luckily, Fabio skypes (?) with his boyfriend Jason, and they look adorable. It's nice to see him act all giddy.

Uncle Tim comes to gently eviscerate the garments, starting with Boring Nathan. I fell asleep during the critique but Melissa's voice woke me up to tell me that this is difficult for him because this dress is considered "extreme" for him. I think "extreme" for him is, I don't know, walking out into sunlight. Anyway, she hopes it doesn't cause him issues. Christopher is next and he's making something that can go with his clients jeans (jacket) or blazers (dress). Elena has a bit of an issue with her client because she doesn't have much of a torso... and she's making a high waisted piece. She's going to cover it up with some top so she hopes she can pull it off. Mean Girl Gunnar on Xanax's client wants to be bold but Tim thinks it can go pinata very fast. Popsicle Ven thinks Gunnar's skills aren't up to par but it's kind of hard to focus when he's slinging shit at another shit slinger. Tim advises MGGoX that the cleaner the better and he runs with that notion. Fabio wants his client to look feminine but Tim is concerned about the V-neck of the dress, thinking it's not low enough. Fabio, who listens to his client VEN, says that she doesn't like to show cleavage. He seems to be on solid ground. Sonjia's client's sister wants her to look more sophisticated. Nathan says something about Sonjia's garment but I fell asleep again. Sonjia is worried about the dress' length as it's getting a wee bit skimpy.

Now it's time for Popsicle Ven to really make an ass out of himself. First, he tells Tim that he was SHOCKED because he's never worked with a plus sized woman before and says, with an exhausted laugh, that she's a "size 14". Size 14? That's not even THAT big. Even Tim is a bit offended when he says, "That's on the CUSP." Nope, Ven's not done. He also says that she has no shape and her "before" pic is a nightmare. Fabio rips him for it in the confessional, and Elena, who looks on in the background in genuine disgust, has lost respect for him. And that's saying a lot from her. Tim advises him to play with shapes, but Ven whines about her age of 40, which Tim secretly thinks is ludicrous by saying "Oh yeah THAT'S old." Tim gives up and says that Ven should focus on giving Terri an epiphany and keep working. I think that's code for "I can only polish this turd so much..."

Back to the good, Alicia catches Tim off guard by using PINK. Not just any pink but soft pink! Fabio notes how the designers are making compromises for their clients and Alicia is an example of that. Tim worries that Dmit-zzzzz might make Mini-Gretchen too conservative but Elena calls his garment a yawn.

After Tim leaves, MGG shows his skirt to Elena, who thinks it's pretty grand. MGG notes that Elena is pretty opinionated most of the time but the designers are being so light-hearted this episode (save for Popsicle Ven), it sounds like she's joking half the time. The clients come in looking much better already but I'm most impressed with Ko-Rely's new do. She's like a kid in the candy store, shaking her hair around, and her reaction to the dress is precious. While Sonjia feels good about her dress, Christopher thinks it's missing something (like a few inches maybe?). Jenna's hair has been straightened and Dmit-zzzzz notes that Elena has gotten soft with her client. As she's fixing her dress, Alicia affirms her girl that it's going to "look dope" and notes that, as a butch lesbian with dreads coming on to this show, the LAST thing she thought she would ever make would be a little pink dress. Popsicle Ven thinks it's a hot mess. Karma will be a bitch. Elsewhere, Nathan's equally clueless slut loves the dress he's making and Nathan's trying to be polite by not making her look like a ho-bag. Those being my words. MGG, his client Kim, and friend are laughing around and having a grand old time as Gunnar tells them stories of frying butter. He promises to make a cute ass outfit for Kim tomorrow, who one-ups him with "Well, I hope I have a cute ass!" Indeed, Kim.
Time for Ven's asswipe moment #2! He says Terri's hair looks great and goes straight into being a douche by saying that he's making the design in black because "black is slimming." If Terri didn't want to deck him them, I don't know what will soon. Ven basically crams the poor woman in some odd black ensemble and then decides to throw a belt on her but bluntly states, "Well, I'll see if they have a bigger one." This is where Terri should've taken the belt and strangle him. Christopher notes that it's too much and MGG says that Ven is basically dogging his girl.

The pot called the kettle black. (Also, I shouldn't be allowed to edit photos.)

It's a brand new day, where the others dish about Ven being the ultimate douchebag. Fabio admits that Ven is everything he's not what his clothes appear to be. Blubberass Ven is STILL whining about having a big girl for a client and, again, says that it was unfair that the designers got "model sized" women to work with.

Did you not hear me?

The designers walk into the war room and Christopher jokes about how there should've been elves to finish their clothes last night. Har-de-har. This morning is special because Tim announces that they're getting THREE hours to get ready. Melissa's eyes FLY open at this news.

Ultimate Ass Ven again uses the "slimming" shade and Terri says that this outfit just isn't her at all. After he makes a huge shit about the belt again, Terri rightly calls him out by saying that he's practically calling her fat.

No, she's more "big boned."

Christopher leaves the room to talk to someone (I think Fabio) about how Ven being a dick and how he made Terri cry. The other clients are around her to calm her down. Ven, who looks like he could give a flying rat's ass, says that he can tell Terri's not happy and that she's avoiding him a lot and has no expression. Uh, looks who's talking, stone face. Ven says that she didn't like what he's been saying (duh-huh) and Terri and Theo say that this would be something she would wear to a funeral (Perhaps his?)
Make up time ensues and Alicia is hoping for "safe" for this round. Sonjia seems confident but her client looks bad according to Dmit-zzzzz, who thinks he should weeen because he embraced the chiyallenge. Last minute touch ups and it's time to go.

Today's abomination on Heidi is a sad, striped dress that fits like a sack. Also, Kors is wearing CONVERSE?! Whoa! The guest for tonight is Alice Temperley, a British fashion designer, so you know she's going to be very honest. Let's the show begin!

Nathan's outfit is pretty much what it set out to be: A slutty mess. Elena's girl Jenna looked nice, cute, and sophisticated and she's even beaming. It's nice to not see those extreme shoulder pads for a change. Melissa's dress for Kandace does look chic but her scarf is way too big. Heidi and Kors have a shit about not being able to see the dress (it's on her?) but at least the make up team took away her red lips. MGG's dress is actually decent, if not teetering towards frumpy, but Kim having a ball on the runway makes up for it. To my surprise, Alicia's pink cocktail dress not only looks great, but her model looks her age. For a second, Christopher's client looked a bit like Idina Menzel but she looks pretty good, until she crumples her jacket into a ball. As expected, Ven made Terri look frumpy and she certainly is not a happy camper. I LOVE Mini-Gretchen's new hair and her dress Dmit-zzzzz made may be the only one that doesn't seem ballroom-ish. But Ko-Rely, with her new hair and in Fabio's dress, beats them all hands down, even if she walks like a truck driver. Hell, *I* can DANCE better in heels. And Sonjia made her girl look short and stumpy. Seriously, her dress was more of a pretty shirt.

Melissa, Alicia, Elena, and Christopher-a (wait, whoops) are all safe and they could not be any more relieved to hear those words. Since Melissa had immunity, Chris was expecting his and the other two to be in the bottom. He wanted to do gymnastics around the room and I would pay big money to see that. Elsewhere, the bottoms (Sonjia, Ven, and Nathan) get sent away to the lounge. Sonjia pouts and Nathan basically admits that he knew he was going to land in the bottom for his skank dress. Needleass Ven decides to throw every excuse in the book, but Alicia calls him out on in. She says that Ven is relatively clueless on how to deal with regular people as clients. Since not everyone on the planet have the same Amazonian features as the models competing on this show. Alicia also throws some shade saying that if he can't even do that basic task, he's technically not even a designer. Whoa, good point there, girl!

THE GOOD:
Dmit-zzzzz: Mini-Gretchen is a graphic designer who loves her new look and didn't think that was even possible. Heidi could feel her confidence and that she was bright but cool, sexy but not slutty, and that the guys will be calling her (she has a boyfriend so what are you getting at?). Nina says she looks edgy and cool and the color compliments her hair, so everything works. Kors says he was smart with the fabric choice. Thankfully, Alice provides some slight negative feedback by wishing the neck was a teensy bit lower but, otherwise, he did a great job.

Fabio: Ko-Rely is a film student and he aimed to make her a powerful but feminine woman. She LOVES the garment, especially since she doesn't like to wear dresses. She also likes how the dress allows her to show off her guns, which she flexes. Heidi loves her "gangsta" attitude and her friend is surprised by the great outcome. Nina is SO pleased with the final design and adds that it looks phenomenal. Heidi can immediately tell that she's an artist and it's genius that Fabio managed to get her into a dress. Alice also loves the dress and the necklace works well with it, but thinks the belt looks very distracting. Kors also loves the dress and thinks it's ironic how Fabio, a boy wearing a dress, managed to get Ko-Rely into a dress. HA!

Mean Girl Gunnar: He didn't piss me off this episode so I don't mind it as much that he's on the top. He wanted to make something that would reflect her spirit and Kim wanted something red carpet worthy. And boy did she get it. Heidi says that she was the best model up there today and Kors thought she rocked it. He thought the dress had movement, was flirty but wasn't childish and her personality came out. Alice compliments how it looks on her body and Nina calls the transformation phenomenal. She also thought a LBD was a good choice, but the neckline could've been lower for a sexier look.

THE BAD:
Sonjia: She aimed to make A-MAN-da a sophisticated piece but something comfortable since she's a tomboy. The sister wanted something that can work in the real world. Heidi thought that the knot could've worked but not here and it's too short. Alice thinks the shoulders should be cut off and the proportions are way off. Kors thinks it went too far. Nina also has issues with the shoulders and that Sonjia didn't really work with her client.

Ven: Before the evisceration of Ven begins, I just want to say that lately, to deal with the stress from my family, I've been snapping a rubber band against my arm to calm down in case I go on a blood soaked rampage caused from stupidity that rises from the Xbox/loud music/dirty dishes/all around ignorance. And, well, let's just say that rubber band was snapping A LOT during this critique.
Ven begins his fall from grace by saying this is the first time he's ever worked with a "real" person... so models are androids? Terri is NOT happy with the final result and is happy Theo spoke up. She also says that he ended up highlighting the spot she feels the most uncomfortable (the midsection), which leads Ven to throw MORE excuses (and giving me welts on my arm). Heidi finds it amazing how there's always one designer who throws the tired "real" person excuse and felt that the clothes were just thrown on her and it didn't match her at all. Kors calls it a turquoise smock and Alice thought it was inappropriate for the office. Terri makes it clear that it doesn't make her feel great, and Theo calls Ven out on not listening to her. She begins to cry because she loves Terri for everything she does and this doesn't match her lifestyle. They hug. Ven gives bitchface. Nina can see that she's definitely not going to the office in this and Heidi calls it mismatched. But she does see that she has a great friend in Theo. Heidi then puts salt on the wound and says that it's all Ven's fault.

Nathan: Slut wished it was tighter. Her friend is happy with it. Heidi had no idea it was going to be a stage dress but it looks cheap and hoochie mama. Alice has no idea what the term "hoochie mama" means, so Kors tells her that it's the American equivalent of a "tart". She then says, "Oh, yes. LOTS of those in England." Nina tells him that since she was a performer, the possibilities are ENDLESS. It's a mess of a dress, very unfortunate, and ill fitting. Nathan speaks but I fall asleep once more. Kors says he wanted to see a look, not a costume. Someone says that the client is not a designer and he's not a seamstress. In the end, the dress is a cliche, the braiding is prom, tight satin is always a bad choice, and Nathan practically threw away the challenge.

In deliberations, Heidi had no idea what the what Needlebutt Ven was talking about. He didn't work with his client and he was being selfish. Kors says that he didn't care about her at all.

Before elimination, Heidi warns that "One... OR MORE... will be out." GASP!

Winner: Fabio! He beams as Heidi says that it was an unexpected look but it worked. He's also immune. I love how Christopher is always the first one to give a hug in the lounge. I'm also glad Gunnar didn't make some smug ass remark as he left the runway. What's wrong with me?

Rather than a bottom two, Heidi repeat her warning. She shit-cans Nathan first. He cries because he knows how to dress people and a bunch of other stuff but I stopped paying attention. Sonjia is safe, which leaves Ven left alone on the runway. Heidi slams him for the twat that he is, saying that she wonders if he's flexible enough for this competition. He's safe but doesn't seem grateful for the save. In the lounge, he bitches about how he shouldn't have been the last one out there but Alicia gives bitchface.

Go have some humble pie. Mmmm... pie.

Tim sends Nathan off with some Chicken Soup for the Loser. Nathan puts me to sleep one last time.

Next time (since I can no longer actually do these on a week-to-week basis): Looks will go into production! Big challenges, The women struggle, Ven makes some misogynistic comment, and Sonjia has a meltdown.