...

Another post where I whine. Endure.

It's a new semester and I already don't want to go in anymore. It seems that whatever what I do just isn't enough. The only reasons I'm even going back to school is because there's no hope for me to get a job and because it seems like everyone expects me to do great things or something. Last semester was horrible as I didn't have a major to focus on, my mother passed on, everyone is pestering me to be happy constantly or about how I feel about my mother and I can't be honest anyway because it just gets me into trouble. All of it escalated when I was almost hit by two cars... and wanted them to hit me. But I'm too much of a people pleaser to let that happen, but no one seems to want to listen. I don't care anymore if I'm too morbid to share anything but I can barely take it anymore. I know I'm loved, I'm always reminded of that but that's not helping as much. I'm tired of putting up a front in order to avoid annoyance or hide about how worried I am or being so guarded I can't let anyone in. I'm sick of being pushed aside as the problematic one, the one person everyone is the most concerned about or being so non-existent even my name's forgotten.

I just can't do anything.