It's off to the Pyramid but JTL skips over the first page on the bottom. Wanna bet it's Brooke's face slashed out? Instead, she moves on to Paige, who doesn't correct herself as much as the other girls. Nia is next for pretty much the same reason despite working hard. Following her is Kendall, who is still on probation to the ire of Jill-Cher, proving that she can change her voice but not her face. My heart soars as Mackenzie is in the exclusive middle row FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. She even knew she would go higher this week. You go, kiddo! Next is her sister Maddie, who might have a stroke after two consecutive weeks of not being on the top. This means that, yes, Chloe is on top! And on her own merit for a change! Well, she did win and everything but JTL doesn't SOUND too pleased with this. Now she has to earn the right to STAY up there. Christi, again, says how Melissa the Snatch is going to freak out but I'm pretty sure the editors just used the footage of her from last week saying the exact same thing. Morons. Still, I want ice cream!
For this competition, Chloe and Maddie will be doing solos once again. There will be a trio featured in tonight's episode consisting of Chloe, Maddie and Pai--- wait, KENDALL. Paige's existence is showcased as she mentions how she's been competing in this trio since she was around 4. She also believes that JTL is doing this just to get back at her and Kelly for Brooke's departure into Cheerleading land. Kelly isn't mad at Kendall (since she didn't do anything like plant herself in the trio through underhanded tactics. Plus, she's only 8), she's pissed at Jabba the Lee for the switch.
The group dance will be a contemporary piece about bullying, since Jabba the Lee is that delusional to find the irony of this piece. Maddie mentions that she's been bullied before on the bus (care to wonder WHY?) but she also witnesses bullying in her school (but does she try to stop it?). JTL brings up the increase in bullying in the news and blah blah blah hypocrisy flies out of this woman. She casts Miss Nia in the role of the bully, to the disdain of her mother, Holly the Magnificent. While Nia is somewhat happy about getting a featured part in the piece, Holly is less than thrilled, since she thinks it's another thinly veiled typecast.
But WAIT. What about that last page? Just who is under there since Brooke bounced? Well, after a flattering flashback of a certain mom named Lesley hollering at Jabba the Lee in JTL tones, it's revealed to be Peyton, her pretty daughter who... looks old enough to get into bars. Peyton is 14 years old and she's been dancing with the Fatty Lee Dance Slaves for 4 years. Peyton's been trying to get on this team for YEARS and barely anyone does make it. Jill-Cher fears she's going to knock Kendall out of the team. Well, don't wig out just yet, Peyton's on probation as well.
The rehearsal begins as the moms first bring up Paige-gate. Jill-Cher doesn't think it's that bad and that JTL is trying something new but OH NO, say the moms. THAT TRIO IS OF UNDEFEATED SACRED GROUND. While JTL brings up how bullying in the news inspired the piece, I notice something very strange is with her voice. I think they were all infected with some form of the flu. Either that, or she should take a cue to quit screaming all the time. Meanwhile, Holly is still perturbed by Nia's role as the bully and goes down to chat with JTL. She mentions that at her school (WHERE SHE WORKS, FATTY PATTY), there is a zero tolerance policy regarding bullying. Holly wishes there was such a policy at the studio. She deserves a high five for saying that. To shut her up, JTL takes the role from Nia and gives it to the (way better suiting) Peyton. Nia's a bit bummed about it but she seems to be unfazed. NEVER CHANGE, NIA. JTL freaks out over the switch, how Nia finally got the chance to get a featured role but her mom had to be all Madame Whineypants and blah blah blah. More rehearsal and the forever single Jabba the Lee calls Chloe cocky. EXCUSE ME? That sweet innocent girl?! What is this woman on?! Chloe starts to cry as JTL yells at her for trying to do her job. Chloe tells us that she sometimes has no idea what JTL is trying to choreograph so she made something that would fit until she's corrected/screamed at unnatural decibels. Thankfully, unlike some bitches I've danced with, she isn't doing it to be a snob and changing the piece entirely. Poor thing...
At Kelly's house, she's throwing a party to celebrate Brooke's successful (if slightly weak) cheerleading try-out. The girls (sans Giant Peyton) maul her with hugs. Poor Mackenzie misses Brooke on the team and Brooke misses them all as it seems like years since she last saw most of them. The girls ask her about her new life and poke some fun at it. When asked about if she misses dance, Brooke replies with an honest NOPE and that, instead of a competition in Boonville, she's going to a football game. Chloe gives her a hug and says she's like her sister and while Maddie misses Brooke as well, she's a little too focused on beating Chloe to move on to her precious spot. And the ambitious nightmare wonders why she's been bullied on the bus.
Back in the studio, the group rehearses the Bullying dance, where Peyton is described as a born leader, unlike Brooke. In the mezzanine, Jill-Cher and Lesley (whom I'll call Lesley the Electrician, because everyone hates electricians) discuss Peyton's inclusion in the group. Jill-Cher thinks she's way too tall while Lesley the Electrician thinks she's a better dancer than all of them. JTL comments that she's not entirely sure about how Jill-Cher will take this change since she hardly knows the mom... but is DOES know Lesley all too well and she will choke a bitch. Why do I get the feeling Lesley has a criminal record? Anyhow, the two new moms go at it regarding the whole OPEN AUDITION while Christi, unfortunately trapped in the middle (literally), sits and listen to the class levels degrade. On a brief note, it's very nice to not hear from the Candy Apples for a change. Still, FREE VIVI!!!!!
In the trio rehearsal, Baby Paige is stuck running the music and, since JTL is choreographing (read: moving around and shouting dance terms) alone, I'm guessing my beloved Gia! is nowhere to be found. Jabba the Lee admits that she didn't place Paige in this particular number because, while the kid's an amazing actress, she probably wouldn't fit in this particular number. Plus, she doesn't pick up fast enough, unlike Kendall. In Mom-Land, Lesley the Electrician wants to see JTL do any of those dance steps and the moms follow suit and laugh.
Some time later, Lesley the Electrician brings out the moms for lunch at a place called Delanie's Coffee, which means there's no drinking involved or inspiring a song in name of the place.
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| There's always next time... |
It's now one day to the competition and it's costume time. The girls are dressed up in school girl uniforms. Okay, as a person who attended Catholic schools for about 13 years, I can say from experience that not even the tackiest girl wore fishnets or sparkly short skirts. Christi again reminds us of the Electricity piece and calls the costumes "Prostitots: The Sequel". The difference being there's a lot more coverage this time around. Peyton, as the bully, is supposed to look the trashiest, something the moms object to. It was at this point when my sister entered the room to watch this unfold. I described Peyton's role and costume issue to her. It brought up some fond memories of hers involving bathrooms. Oh, and Maddie gets a kick me sign slammed on her back during the number. DISMISSED.
Competition time in St. Louis! Again, JTL reminds us that the people working this are professionals (let's hope so) like it's THAT impressive (it's not). She thinks Jill-Cher and Kendall have a better shot on this team since they've been on it a bit longer than the new mom/kid, who really have no idea what they're getting into. While Madame Lesley Rose gives Peyton a pep talk, Jill-Cher is a bit of a wreck who can't stand this stupid probation thing anymore. So, as encouragement, she bribes Kendall with twenty bucks. HUH?! Even Maddie thought that was really odd, since, if bribes were involved, they involve ice cream, not the same ruthlessly mercenary principles used by Daria Morgendorffer and her family. Great, now I expect Kendall will become like Daria when she grows up.
The trio is up first in pretty dresses. Chloe is waaaaaaaay off from the other girls (maybe that's because there's a microphone there [as Christi points out later]?) in the beginning but I think she covered it well. Kelly believes that wouldn't happen is Paige was part of the trio. It looked sloppy and my sister pointed out that it was obvious JTL choreographed it without assistance. Pretty astute of my sister. Then Jabba the Lee has to go be the shining example of her group number and tell Kendall she was almost considering ordering that uniform, making Jill-Cher sound really ANGRY (her face, however, remains the same). She berates Chloe as per usual and Christi points out the microphone in her confessional. It's obvious she's not going to SIT on it but did she have to be that far over? (shrugs).
Solos are next. Maddie becomes grating as she admits she's nervous but confident she'll beat Chloe. Aren't you two friends? It's the typical Maddie solo: All style but no substance. JTL should really remember to not leave her mouth hanging agape when watching solos. Seriously, someone could throw popcorn in there and she wouldn't notice. She wants Chloe to DANCE HER ASS OFF and bashes her while she rehearses. I did see Gia! so it wasn't too hard to watch. Chloe expresses her annoyance with JTL's mantra "Everyone's replaceable!" but is very worried that means HER. Chloe performs and does well but you can tell Fatty Lee really affected her. Christi doesn't understand why Chloe would beat herself up like that (YOU'VE SEEN WHY). Fatty Patty rips her solo to shreds. You know, if you want to get those favoritism rumors off your back, BERATE MADDIE YOU BITCH. Even Chloe sees that!
It's now time for the Trashy Schoolgirl dance. Everyone is freaking out and Lesley Rose and Jabba the Lee get into a pissing match (drink!) as Lesley plays "Dance Teacher". Peyton expresses that that's the reason why the moms are there. She also looks old enough to work in a strip joint. With Lesley's yammering in the green room, Peyton is sure to get that uniform too. JTL again emphasizes that it's her name they're representing but Christi is tired of hearing that. YES they're dancing for you but they're individual kids! Not your slaves! Then JTL furthers her fall from grace by telling Chloe that her mom will "destroy" her as Mama Bear Christi flips the fuck out on Jabba the Lee. Rightly so. The group finally performs and I thought the music was a little too soft for this kind of heavy topic. Plus, I sure remember doing aerials when I was in school (<- dripping with sarcasm). JTL flips out over the Kick Me sign placement and spends the entire time worrying over if it'll fall off. Hey, if it falls off, it falls off. Shit happens! Get over it! I thought the piece was so-so
Jill-Cher didn't love the piece as she was too distracted by Peyton's 8-foot height difference over the girls. Lesley is confident Peyton outshined Kendall and is going to get on the team. Luckily, Jabba the Lee is here to ruin that dream in a heartbeat. THEN PEYTON TALKS BACK AT HER. I think my heart stopped for a few seconds. Jabba the Lee is appalled. Peyton had NO RIGHT to criticize the group. JTL tells her and her mother that her respect for them has been shot down because of what they've said.
Awards time! Maddie wins junior solo (yawn). The trio didn't place first and Kelly's a bit relieved, knowing they would've won had Paige been in the group. The group doesn't win either and JTL starts speaking nonsense. What we DON'T see is the awards the rest of the team won that are listed on the studio's website (well, 'cept Peyton). JTL continues to bash Chloe and Christi finds it odd she doesn't do that with Maddie. She sarcastically remarks "CLEARLY there's no favoritism."
Due to Peyton's ego, JTL now isn't so sure about her spot on the team. Holly, because she has degrees and everything, tries to calmly explain these things to Lesley, who proceeds to go insane. It's so bad that JTL has to come in from talking with another choreographer to tell them to stop yelling. As Lesley continues her pissing match because, in her mind, she is God, JTL reminds her of what she screamed in her last confrontation. She wanted Peyton in a dance, she got it. Shut up now and see if she deserves it.
Next time: Brooke inquires Jabba the Lee about the possibility of returning to the team and typical fights ensue.
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