BB Gun chimes in the confessional about the tensions occurring between the girls. Since this show is nothing without immaturity, a fight about using the shower next erupts between Bitchyanka and Duck Lips. IT'S A GODDAMN SHOWER, WAIT YOUR TURN. GOD! Duck Lips advises Bitchyanka to "GROW. UP*PUH*." I think Duck Lips needs to SHUT. UP*PUH*. Bitchyanka now understands why Duck Lips wasn't really well liked in her cycle, followed by flashbacks that are just ever so flattering. And Duck Lips, once more, complains about being real. Puh-lease.
The opening comes and goes and there's Tyra Mail! It's riddled with money terms so that's what the girls assume. It's mirror time as Kayla Free and Bitchyanka engage in a civilized conversation about what their strengths and weaknesses are. Kayla Free confessionalizes about the TRUE MEANING of this cycle is heavily placed on personality, which is something she realizes she doesn't have compared to the rest of this motley crew and Ms. Laura. It is here where I realize that this is her adios edit so I spent a majority of the episode trying not to cry. The girls are sent to the rooftop of the Roosevelt Hotel and this is where I recognized that it's the place where one of the fights in Charlies Angels: Full Throttle took place. Yes, I have no life since I remember that. Nigel tells them all that they're going to be making and marketing their own fragrances! Kayla Free's excited because, well, basically every celebrity in existence has their own fragrance out (possibly out of desperation). This dude named Ben will assist in helping them make their fragrances because I highly doubt science and modeling results in a happy marriage.
The names are kinda dinky as the girls are still going by their "value" words from the second episode. Drunk Lisa names her fragrance "Neon" and I assume that it'll send the customer on an acid trip. Ms. Laura calls her "Love" and Man-Face's is "Survivor". Leatherface names her fragrance "Smitten" as she believes that the word is "pure and angelic". I think she's been huffing "Neon" a little too much. Or maybe I wasn't paying attention because Drunk Lisa opened her yap and her confessional look was... well, take a wild guess. BB Gun, unsurprisingly, names her damn spray after herself. Yawn. Pullip aptly names hers "Honey Blood", the name alone would make me buy the stuff in a heartbeat (along with that Raven Eye makeup from L'Oreal). Why such a weird name? Well, remember her fascination with blood? And how Tyra told her how she used to get nosebleeds all the time? And what was Pullip's response?
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| JEALOUS. |
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| My friends said I was prettier. |
I was POSITIVE she was getting the heave-ho. At least she managed to retell her sad, sad saga of sleeping in a sleeping bag until she was 14/in high school since she didn't have a bed. I still sleep in a sleeping bag, but that's because I am, by nature, a lazy person. Bitchyanka, in what is the fugliest fur vest I have ever seen, calls her fragrance "candid" but the top prize for the dumbest name goes out to Duck Lips and her fragrance "Diamondnatrix". Another "Neon" huffer I assume. She continues to waste lives by going through EVERY fragrance to get the right one. BB Gun falls asleep and Bitchyanka sort of redeems herself by comparing to the time wasted by Duck Lips to the seasons flying by. Ha!
After the fragrances are off to be made, Nigel tells them they will be marketing their par-fumes (and bath soaps which I had no idea was a part of this) to the public at a party that night and Leatherface does a celebration dance. Aw! Oh yeah, because the show would be nothing without a little dose of Tyra crazy, they're doing this in bathtubs... just what in God's name is going on this cycle? What's next, riding drunken ostriches? Anyway, winner is immune from being eliminated and Kayla Free, continuing the adios edit, points out the obvious benefits of being immune.
Bitchyanka, on the other hand, points out how unrealistic this challenge is. According to her, even Tyra would do this crap! (Uh, I bet she has/had this in mind for a few cycles now so, yes, she is that insane) She wants to be taken seriously as a model! Well, okay then. Shut up, stop eating, sit and pose. That serious enough for you? Bitchyanka goes into a Drunk Lisa-esque rant (drink!) and Drunk Lisa, according to my sister, should never ever do her own makeup ever again.
After a recap from the ever charming Ms. Laura, the guest judge is EVA THE DIVA from cycle 3! YAY! But what the hell has she done to her hair?! At first, I sort of liked it from the promos I saw from that Hair Wars spectacular thing on Oxygen but now it just looks... bad. Whatever, I still love her. The girls begin the shilling as Ms. Laura pulls out the love and charm while Drunk Lisa pulls out the acid trip. The girls also jump into the tubs for some bath time (clothed, obviously) and my sister points out that Ms. Laura looks like Courtney Love, finally giving my answer to who she looks like now.
Nigel sees Kayla Free's nervousness from a mile away and I began sobbing. Pullip explains her "Honey Blood" fragrance to her now disturbed fans and Drunk Lisa continues to act like she's on a drug trip by splashing around and encouraging the party goers to dance in the tub with her. It pissed me off but if Miss Eva says she's having fun because Drunk Lisa is having fun, then I would have fun too. Bitchyanka, of course, is appalled by Drunk Lisa's behavior and I would agree with her more except for the fact that SHE'S SO STUCK UP SHE WON'T GO INTO THE TUB. Ugh... Kayla Free notes that in modeling (or any fun career, really), you're going to have to do a lot of things you don't want to do. I think a bath tub is nothing compared to working with bees or rolling around in garbage. Eva criticizes Leatherface for doing nothing but selling herself really and my love for Nigel rocketed as he, while basically ripping Bitchyanka to shreds, took a plunge in her bathtub IN HIS CLOTHES.
Post party, it is revealed that a new prize for the winner of the cycle has been added and it is to be the face of the ANTM fragrance, because being a part of this isn't rewarding enough (yeah right). The winner? Drunk Lisa, naturally. Now we get to put up with her for another week. Fan-friggin-tastic. Bitchyanka tells us that she would change anything she did tonight... other than her shoes. Go home. The next day, Tyra Mail says something about "Going along for the ride". Hmm... well, Mr. Jay has the answer for us. The photo shoot, taken at night, will be the girls portraying either Nene Leakes or Snooki on a motorcycle while on the back of a moving truck. I think this is because Mr. Jay wouldn't want them standing around looking like streetwalkers (more so). Drunk Lisa is excited (drink).
Duck Lips is pissed since last week she was called out for looking like a reality show cast member (SHE *IS* A REALITY SHOW CAST MEMBER) and now, she HAS to look like one and make it high fashion. Kayla Free decides to get into her Snooki character by acting like a hot mess (tee hee!) and grinding on Drunk Lisa, probably because she knew that Drunk Lisa would be the only one who would let her. Again, nightmares. And the photographer is revealed to be commonly used Mike Rosenthal who has shot for this series for god knows how long. Whatever happened to Tracey Bayne? Ms. Laura embraces her inner Nene and arrives on set in a voice I would never recognize coming out of her. She looks pretty good in short hair and does a rocking job. Kayla Free's up next as Snooki but Mr. Jay points out that, with the douchebags trying to get on camera and running after the truck, she gets distracted easily. Still sobbing.
BB Gun goes up as Nene (Angelea Nene made me giggle way too hard) and does a meh job. But some douche thinks she was Tyra so she was flattered. Back in the dressing room/whatever it's called where they get ready, Drunk Lisa is a little worried because she has no idea who Nene Leakes is or how she acts so she asks Bitchyanka for help. Bitchyanka is shocked that these girls don't watch as much television as she does (could it be that they're out pursuing professional modeling careers? You know, like the one you keep bringing up?) Bitchyanka offers some help but catches herself because "it's still a competition". Ugh... anyhow, Drunk Lisa doesn't irritate me as much this time and does very well. Pullip goes up as Snooki but was forgettable and Man-Face, true to Snooki fashion, looked drunk. Bitchyanka pulls out a surprise tactic by utilizing a jar of pickles, Snooki's alleged favorite food, into her shot. But, continuing her fall from grace, she refuses to share. Leatherface is unhappy because she's also Snooki but Pullip is pissed, even asking "What the fuck?!" All she wanted was a pickle to eat! DON'T LET THE POOR GIRL STARVE, BITCHYANKA!
It's finally Bitchyanka's turn as Snooki. She places the pickle in her mouth. Take a wild guess what Mr. Jay has to say. If you guessed that it looked like a penis and was way too phallic, you are correct. So he takes the pickle away from her (though, after mentioning the word "penis", I can only imagine what else he did with that penis--eh, pickle... not helping. STINKY BUM BUM NIGHTMARES). She sucked. Duck Lips complains about her wig (drink!) and all she does for her Nene is the finger wave... for the whole shoot. She fell flat. GO HOME. Leatherface goes and attempts to be a "tame Snooki" but Mr. Jay sees that all she does is go into her safety zone. BLARGH! The Tyra Mail of DOOM comes announcing eliminations and the girls expect that two girls will be booted. Leatherface is worried since she's not as ambitious as Drunk Lisa and "jumps off of buildings". How I only wish that were true... wow that was way too mean. I'm sorry. Bitchyanka continues to complain about the bathtub challenge which was like three years ago. Shut up, already!
The girls enter for panel to find... KATHY GRIFFIN filling in for Crazypants Tyra as she was let go. Tyra soon manages to get out of her cage and chases Kathy to her seat. She's the guest judge (no shit, really?)! And she's the only comedienne EVER to have 4 specials in one year. You go, gurl! Anyway, Tyra is now wearing a corset... WEAR DECENT CLOTHING, WOMAN!!! Actually, everyone in this panel seemed to be ill-dressed for this particular elimination (save for Kathy and Nigel). And now for the breakdown...
-Ms. Laura redeems herself from last week with a stunning Nene photo. Unfortunately, Haus of Wanda Sue has finally received its first miss this cycle.
-BB Gun's Nene is okay but blah as usual. Also, she's probably taking Sheena's jumpsuits trademark for herself.
-Man-Face's Snooki is okay but Kathy doesn't see the believability. She'd rather see a beautiful model WASTED, not a beautiful model. Good note.
-Duck Lips/Glenn Close is wear sheer black harem pants. Uh, WHY?! Her photo's a bit of a snooze.
-Drunk Lisa is wearing the most normal outfit I have seen her wear this cycle... aside from that eye-searing blazer. Her Nene photo was absolutely fantastic.
-Kayla Free's Snooki is not well received. Kathy doesn't see the Snooki in it and Kayla Free whines about the clothes restricting her. Hey, remember that she did that her cycle about shoes and she almost got booted because of it. Don't these girls learn? Rant over. Anyway, I agree with Kathy. It's a nice shot but not what was asked for.
-Pullip is called a "Brady Bunch kid" by Kathy due to her ridiculous outfit. Her Snooki is described as a great Snooki "on a good day". Ha!
-Bitchyanka is called out on Bathtub-Gate by Nigel and she rambles on and on and on and on about it so I didn't pay much attention to what was going on. Or cared. Her Snooki's a total bust.
-Leatherface's Snooki is blah. The fact that Nigel brings up her bone structure is translation for "You didn't do so good..."
By the way, why the hell are all the girls wearing bright red lipstick? It's not really flattering.
Deliberations fly by with one interesting mention. Not only does Kathy hold her own as a judge (yay!) but, when talking about Bitchyanka, she made a comparison to her show "My Life on the D-List" how it showed that Kathy knew her place. Bitchyanka doesn't which is why she's not doing as well as she thinks she is. Or something like that. Nevertheless, Kathy Griffin ruled.
The girls file back in and Tyra confirms their fears that she's knocking off two girls this elimination, probably because of the LaToya save a few episodes back.Top girl, predictably, is Drunk Lisa. She ruled this shoot. The bottom three are Leatherface, Bitchyanka, and the rather short Kayla Free (whom my sister said looked like Debra Messing). Leatherface is stunning but plays it way too safe. Kayla Free had a powerful portfolio from her cycle (I'm still loving those photos) but, now, that talent isn't there. And Bitchyanka looks like a stronger model now than she did back then but the judges are afraid that she isn't approachable (Let's ask Nikki Blonsky for a second opinion). Predictably, Leatherface is saved and Bitchyanka and Kayla Free are eliminated as I screamed in agony. It's also ironic that Kayla Free is eliminated with another person ONCE AGAIN. And at least Bitchyanka is going home. But still NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Next week, the girls are going to record a song for themselves. But Pullip's a teensy bit worried...
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