The remaining gals are both surprised (really?) and relieved that Bianca was finally given the heave ho. What I don't get is why some of them were talking about the "surprise" elimination. Last episode, they were all suspecting it to be a double so it wasn't that much of a surprise for anyone. BB Gun insists that she IS the all star. And I'm the Queen of France. Drunk Lisa immediately loses whatever form of redemption she gained from the previous episode by announcing, "IT'S ME AGAIN!" as soon as they arrive home. She continues by saying that it's karma and it's definitely what she deserves
As it turns out, she's right on the money. The next day, Mr. Jay tells them that they are given the chance to go VIRAL by writing their own songs and making their own music videos. Okay, I won't be fucking around but these girls are in no way viral worthy material. They shouldn't have to subject themselves to that kind of crap. Why am I being so critical about this subject? Well, for starters, Mr. Jay provides the answer by pointing out the viral impact music sensations Rebecca Black and Justine Bieber had. Oh, I definitely know that impact. The impact of the strong desire to hurl bricks at them. And I don't want to do that to Ms. Laura (though, she'd probably deflect bullets with her lovable charm)!
Second, it seems like everyone and their mother wants to make it big by going viral, and most fail miserably/end up embarrassing themselves (which is why I never post any of my "Dear..." videos on Youtube... or of "Rae'Chelle"). Even close people I know who are trying to do this via skits where they use the same tired crutch and the misuse of the word "gay" no matter how many scathing, sarcastic remarks I make about it. And they wonder why I'm so pissy? Well, maybe it's because I don't like shit on a stick.
Rant sort of over.
The girls get 20 minutes to listen to the tracks made for them already (handy) so all they have to do is write the lyrics. The girls with the BEST lyrics gets a visit from her loved one. Leatherface wants to win because she hasn't seen her husband in the past month! JUST ONE MONTH?! Weaktit. Basically, it's all shots of the girls writing music and telling us at home (and the guy who does something in the music industry, I forgot who he was and what he does) what the lyrics mean and if he likes it. Drunk Lisa has a bit of an edge since she's a musician so no surprise that she wins. Poor Pullip is having a hard time because she's can't sing! And she's having difficulty trying to come up with lyrics. She ends up being inspired by her dad who passed away a year-- y'know, I've had enough of the dead relatives already. You can tell from my previous Project Runway post. Nevertheless, the guy LOVES the lyrics. Yay!
It's here where I sort of wondered what kind of dance floor anthem Kayla would have sung, but since it would have the word "Free" thrown around like a hot potato, I'm glad we'll never know. Anyhow, Music Man tells the girls it came down to two: BB Gun and Drunk Lisa, with the latter winner. BB Gun exclaims, "This bitch needs to stop winnin'!" And Drunk Lisa gets to meet her fiance, whom I suspect must have remarkable fortitude. He seems like a sweet man, and with that camera shot of the bed, we know they were shackin'. Yawn. The next day, the girls arrive at the Village recording studio place and Music Man throws a little twist: The girls must incorporate the phrase "Pot Ledom" into their songs. What in blue balls name does that mean? Is Tyra promoting her own line of cannabis? BB Gun quickly (and eeriely) answers: It's "Top Model" backwards! Uh, while true, it's not. Technically, it's modeL toP backwards. Backwards, it'd have to be ledom pot. You know, like redrum. Or racecar. The sheer fact that I figured this out scares me. Send help. Preferably Xanax. Or Paxil. Pullip freaks out once again, but at this point I stopped caring for a bit. Girl, I want to be best friends with you, BUT THIS IS THE DUMBEST CHALLENGE I HAVE EVER SEEN ON THIS SHOW! Don't cry! We still love you!
During the recording session, Drunk Lisa decides to go last so she won't be influenced by the other girls... and they won't be influenced by her. Uh, sure. Most of these girls kind of sound pretty good. Kind of. And they have a grand old time dancing around in the studio. It's nice to see some humanity in them. The moment of truth comes when Pullip records her song. BB Gun panics about Pullip's ANN WARD factor: The one where she can do no wrong. Well, Pullip starts a'singin' and BB Gun starts a'swearin' (comically), though Pullip's voice sounds NOTHING like her. It's spooky. Duck Lips records her song and ponders the possibility of becoming a recording artist. Well, as long as we don't have to see you on shows like this again, go for it. She also dons sunglasses, which Man-Face believes is helping Duck Lips get into character. Are these girls' brain cells dying over the course of this challenge? Don't answer that. Leatherface thinks Drunk Lisa could be a star, but I only wrote that because I was laughing too much. Then the fiance comes and goes.
It's time to shoot the music videos as Mr. Jay nearly runs over the girls in a car. He is impressed and so proud of what they all accomplished so far. Poor Pullip just wants to get this over and done with. He brings up the viral bullshit once again. He also brings in the director for all the videos, rapper Game. BB Gun wets her pants once again. Seriously, how many times is this lady going to go crazy whenever a celebrity who shoulda had better sense enters the foray? Do you see the other girls doing that? I don't want to know what happens if Whitney Houston comes by. Thankfully, there are much fewer girls left so I can shove them all into the next paragraph about what happens...
Man-Face looks and sounds like a J. Lo drag queen. She keeps dropping it like it's hot when she's REALLY just dropping cause she's a klutz. Duck Lips, who's song at first sounded like a Kylie knock off, is told she must be MARRIED to the car but doesn't do much of anything. Game says, "Not enough time to put oil in the Tin Man". Love= Skyrocketed. Before the shoots continue, Tyra enters in a ridiculous $2 costume with "Pot Ledom" (another phrase I never want to hear for a while, like free. Both backwards and forwards). Assisting her in the crazy bid for attention is Youtube celebrity Keenan Cahill, who I never watched on Youtube anyway so who cares. So, no, this crap ain't going viral. Leatherface stars in a Neutrogena commercial and Drunk Lisa impresses Man-Face. Ms. Laura looks like she's either on the set of Saturday Night Live or doing a remake of Puddle of Mudd's "She Hates Me". Duck Lips sings some of Ms. Laura's song since she loves it so much. Eee! BB Gun looks like a mess and Pullip and Game engage in a deep conversation over their recently departed loved ones (her dad, his grandma). Yay, more humanity! She is wearing Esther's nightdress (from Orphan) and I'm positive the video will give my Aunt Mary Ann nightmares. Bless her heart. This is code for my liking it. Bless my heart. She's proud of herself, especially given all the panic attacks she's been having because of it.
Because I needed to listen to some decent music, I just opened my music player when this Victoria's Secret commercial started playing. It took me 15 seconds to locate the music.
Panel time (with no Tyra Mail!)! Tyra is wearing an unfortunate blazer (sobs), ALT is back in his gumpa hat (more sobs) and Nigel and Game look decent. Tyra proves why she should never sing ever again by belting out Mariah style... BREAKDOWN
-Man-Face, "Tooch Ya Booty". It's Rumble Roses material. This means it's BAD. But not so bad. Tyra tells her to exaggerate her mouth so it looks like she's really singing. A bit too late for that advice...
-Ms. Laura, "Southern Sweet Girl". She REALLY looks like Courtney Love now. I just wish she did more in her video. COME JOIN OUR FAMILY, SWEETHEART.
-BB Gun, "I'm Here". Another Rumble Roses entrance song. Her video was as flat as Kansas but she recognized that she sucked and can definitely do much better. Good for you! It's during this critique where Tyra notes that people are listening to music now with their eyes so BB Gun really should have been punching in her video. Uh, not according to almighty songbird Adele who quipped a few months ago, "I make music for the ears, not for the eyes." Another one to join the family (Adele I mean).
-Duck Lips, "Go, Go, Go..." Remember when I said it sounded like a Kylie knock off? I take that back. The song's okay, the video sucks as she doesn't do anything interesting.
-Leatherface, "World Go Round". She looks a bit like Natasha Bedingfield/Sheryl Crow in the video. Nigel doesn't see the glint in her eye. Maybe she was trying to pull a Pullip moment.
-Drunk Lisa, "I Be like Whoa!" Girl, you're not Lady Sovereign. ALT thinks she has Missy Elliot's energy. It's pretty solid, I'll admit.
-Pullip, "Underwater". It reminded me a LOT of Kerli's videos and it could have been three times better without the Blunder Twins hogging the screentime. If it were just her, it would've been great. Nevertheless, I'D BUY THE DAMN SONG. Game says she is WEIRD (in the best way possible) and Tyra says she was penetrated emotionally.
Was Tyra really serious with this "viral" shit?
Top girl: Pullip! YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
Bottom 2: Duck Lips and BB Gun
Duck Lips, you have potential but your video SUCKED. BB Gun. It's your third time in the bottom. Your video made everyone uncomfortable.
Well, Duck Lips gets sent packing. She cries, natch, and she's proud of how far she's gone. Or something like that. We won't really miss you.
NEXT WEEK: Gumpa ALT is back in the kasa (WHY?!), the girls head for Greece and there's an underwear shoot! GUESS WHO'S NERVOUS.
No comments:
Post a Comment