We open to Atlas in the triple fairy goddesses' apartment. Laura says that she misses Anthony Ryan (EVERYONE misses Anthony Ryan. Maybe it's just in my nature to want to be friends with anyone with a southern accent) and notes just how "real" the competition is becoming. Because REAL designers have blonde German baby making machines force them to make hideous printed pants on a seemingly daily basis. In the Mean Girls apartment, Viktor emphasizes he NEEDS to win this competition (pfft) and proceeds to bash Joshua's editing skills which, of course, are bad. I'd go into detail but there's a surefire chance (in my wildest dreamland of delusion) he could read this so I'll go light.
Runway challenge time. Heidi comes out in some hideous printed dress that was so flouncy I could bet she spent 15 minutes in the lounge spinning around going WHEEEEEEEEEE! Anyway, she tells the designers to "spread their wings" and leaves. The designers prove they have the intelligence of models as they assume it's skydiving. I have no idea how that works into design but, hey, they're there and I am not. Well, Uncle Tim greets them with four feathered friends. They're taking inspiration from birds. Yes, Viktor, BIRDS. Kimberly of the Pants Tribe tells us at home that she appreciates animals "at a distance". Definitely a city girl. I was also distracted when I saw a raven/crow/blackbird and immediately lost focused because I LOVE those birds and went "EEEE!" in excitement. But, why birds? L'Oreal (or whatever makeup they're sponsoring) is releasing eye shadows based on the four birds presented in the room, of course. Oh yeah, the winner will receive $20,000 and an editorial in Maria Claire.
No time to crap in their pants in ecstasy as Tim announces they'll be working in pairs. Just how many times are these poor people going to be paired up on this show? To further my confusion, Tim also says that they won't be working in teams (Thank GOD) but as competitors. Anya the Great will duel with Laura the Blonde with Raven the Raven as inspiration. I instantly knew that I would like their looks the best. Next, Bert the Elder and Joshua the Dramatic will compete with the Amazon Parrot (though, I'm not entirely sure WHY they left out the "parrot" part but whatever). It's good to see that they've made up (and NOT make out). This leaves Kimberly of the Pants Tribe and Viktor of the Mean Girls with the Cockatoo. Poor Mr. Owl. Nobody wants to use you!
Kimberly is already worried because, for the artsy avaunt-garde challenge, her painting was that of a BIRD and had lots of feathers. I wouldn't worry about it, considering Leanne from season 5 used petals and sharp edgy shapes in most of her designs and they looked stunning. And she won. Bert expresses disdain because he doesn't like his bird's colors, which are green and yellow. It's here when I realize that he's another designer who doesn't like to use color a whole lot, as his designs are muted, grey or look washed out. It's here when I knew he was going home.
Mood time! Most of the designers are going for airy fabrics (like chiffon). Laura says she's doing pants. THAT'S KIMBERLY'S JOB!! Joshua is worried about getting the bright and bold bird, which is pretty much perfect for him given that's how he designs. Ugh.
Food time! Laura the Blonde is worried about going up against Anya the Great, who I'm assuming is the biggest underdog-turned-amazing competitor since ANN WARD (yes. Because ANN WARD is that amazing, I must type her name with capital letters. Shut up). Some time later, Bert again laments that he hates his bird. Like, a lot. Viktor goes for Captain Obvious status and plans to use feathers in his design. When he says the word "Glamazing" was when I almost threw my drink at the television. Worst portmanteau ever.
Uncle Tim comes in with the kicker and Kimberly's face in the confessional says it all. You know, the "OH F*CK THIS" face. I was expecting that he would give the other contestants liberty to ruin their opponents design via crapping on it while skydiving. No, instead, within MINUTES (or an hour or two, I forget which) of the challenge starting, he tells them they must make ANOTHER high end design. And their model will model both. While the designers bitch and complain, I think this is to mimic what goes on in the real world of fashion where models literally rip off pieces of clothing just to make it back on time to walk the runway. After another trip to mood, the designers compare themselves to each other
It's a new day, and the designers still don't want to go in. I'm convinced that the editors were just lazy and used the same footage from the beginning of the episode, with Laura taking curlers out of her hair and Anya primping her mohawk. In the workroom, Joshua isn't liking how his green dress is turning out while Kimberly, who is NOT making pants for a change, tells us about her "go with the flow" work ethtic when OUT OF THE ABYSS, a cockroach enters the room. Everyone, Kimberly in particular, freaks out. Only Anya the Amazon is brave enough to kill it. With a stiletto. We need to be friends now.
Make up consultations! Basically, it's just a shill to show off what these palettes really look like. The Cockatoo version looks blah and boring. The Parrot version looks like something drag queens would use. The Raven version looks absolutely amazing, and I would buy it in a heartbeat (if I was a girl anyway). And The Owl version isn't shown at all so we will never know what that looks like.
Back in the workroom, Bert is talking to himself but, at this point, no one cares anymore. Joshua says his orange fabric is speaking to him, which is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Kimberly tells us she's struggling. NO! We love you Kimberly! Anya the Philosopher explains that she thinks Kimberly's frustration in the challenge is showing in her work and it's not looking good for her. It gets worse when Kimberly sews straight through her finger and proceeds to bleed on her dress. You know, it looked somewhat similar to Carrie's prom dress... maybe she could have aimed for what it looked like post-prom killing as a back up plan. Anyway, Kimberly has reached her limit and goes and cries in the women's bathroom, which is getting an unusual amount of camera time this season, since it's almost featured in every episode. The other two fairy goddesses go to help out their fellow sister and calm her down, which sort of works. She leaves the bathroom and I thought I heard her say "Fuck this." and the censors missed it, but I could be (read: definitely am) wrong.
Now, we get some back story. Kimberly lost her mother when she was 17. Before I could go into the Mommy-dying card rant, she also reveals she lost her stepdad and her brother (I think). Poor woman. She definitely trumps Joshua in the sob story arena, particularly because the story won't be dragged out of half the season. Speaking of Joshua, he asks Anya if she has any fabric "with body" (Huh?!) but she goes into "Secret Bitch" mode and gives him the answer that she may (not) use her fabric. Good thinking. So, a pissed Joshua exclaims in the confessional "I don't need yo fabric!" So, why even bother asking in the first place?
Because we forgot about the prizes for this challenge, the designers talk about the MONEY they could win. Yes, we all like money. I like money. I don't like begging for money because that means I'll go into a mindset that I HAVE to pay them back later but know I can't because I'm dirt broke. Joshua says he practically doesn't have any money because he spent it on getting an education in this business. He goes on to whine about Anya's sewing skills and how she only learned in four months compared to his god knows how many years. Well, maybe some people are better and quicker at learning than others. Maybe there are some things we should never bother asking because it's totally irrelevant. He puts the cherry on top of his grating personality by saying that "True talent will show through". Hard to believe I liked him for a while. A very, very short while.
Uncle Tim pops in to give critiques. Anya pays extra close attention to Laura's critique since they're doing the same bird. Sneaky and smooth. Laura tells us she's been sewing since she was eight and also questions Anya's sewing skills. Oh shut up and leave Anya alone. They're possibly jealous that Anya pretty much appears to be at their level despite her lack of experience. It's like when I took dance in college. The sole theatre person who was able to keep up with the dance majors. But we were great friends, not whiny contestants. Also, when did Laura have the time to get bangs?
The guys get predictable critiques with Tim basically saying he liked it or he didn't like it. Then he comes to poor, poor Kimberly, who's just having one of those days. Hell, I had one of those WEEKS myself but, luckily, no cameras are around to push the envelope. Just worried/oblivious people. Uncle Tim feels so bad for her that he goes over AND GIVES HER A HUG.
 |
| JEALOUS. |
Runway day! The triple fairy goddesses manage to squeeze themselves in front of what may be the only mirror in their apartment. Or maybe they were feeling silly that day. You never know. In the workroom, it's all snip, snip, snip. Kimberly the Leper is now all better and feels confident with her new dress. Viktor Regina George again concludes that now KIMBERLY is copying his looks. Oh shut up. Every designer has done some one shoulder gown before in their careers. And, IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE HIS FEATHER DRESS. SHUT UP. Uncle Tim appears with a new, new surprise. Do he really want to give these people heart attacks or is he just twisted? Guess what, THEY'RE ONLY SHOWING ONE LOOK AFTER ALL. I was hoping Kimberly would just stand there for two seconds and reply, "DAYUM!!!", but she didn't and so things move on. Laura tells us that it's practically the Battle of the Beauty Queens (is that a reality show?) which I found to be hilarious and witty. After hair and make up, Anya has to cut and re-sew her garment in order for her chic model, Sveta (cool name!), to fit in. Joshua whines (drink!) about that thinking it's not fair. I think the term "fair" is irrelevant in this competition.
It's runway time, and I think the designers (well, Laura and Anya) thought it was a good idea to dress like their birds. Oye. Our guest judge is Francisco Costa, a designer.
THE GOOD:
Anya: I typed in my notes "I LOVE IT." So does Nina. It's just right and not over the top or literal. Little Black Dress meets Edgy. For the win.
Joshua: He went with his orange dress. I'm not a huge fan of it but it's cute. Melonhead Michael Kors thinks it could do without the strange corsage thing on the shoulder.
Kimberly: Her Grecian Goddess dress looks amazing. And the fact she whipped it up in three hours is applauded by the judges. She even jokes about Viktor sabotaging her via the glue gun but it's all laughs and giggles.
THE BAD:
Viktor: Technically, it's not even that bad. The only concept that threw it off was the feathers theme. I bet it was just one point that kept him between him and Kimberly.
Bert: His dress is a little bland and dumpy. Michael Kors thinks it's pageant. And that word alone means trouble.
Laura: It's not bad but the pants look pretty awful. Again, too literal. And I thought her model's makeup made her look diseased (more so).
In the waiting room, Kimberly (via confessional) celebrates actually beating Viktor of all people, solidifying my love for her. And the judges deliberate, agreeing that there really were only two bad looks out of the six, which was a little weird for them.
The Winner: Anya! She was pretty much the clear cut winner of this challenge. Joshua's reaction edit, however, was anything but flattering. He again whines about the cutting/sewing fit. Does he not know that, sometimes, people do certain things to get through? Besides, IT'S NOT LIKE SHE WAS CHEATING OR ANYTHING, like Olivier from Oh-hee-o almost did with the glued boobs. Does he ever shut up?
(Predictable) Bottom 2: Laura and Bert
Eliminated: Bert
He was starting to grow on me a little but I never really could stand him. Hey, maybe he can find success post show. We shall see.
What happens next week will remain a bit of a mystery because I was angry over the fact that I had to watch that crappy post-show extension to find out what does happen, only to get even angrier when Joshua kept snipping at Laura of the Ladies who Lunch (from season 3) who was only )asking him a simple question, which I thought was extremely rude. All I know is that they're bringing everyone back to see who can help the finalists through. Like they always do.
And, one more for the road: SHUT UP.
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