It's lunchtime! The girls are excited (probably because Bianca still has the pickles) but what the hell is Drunk Lisa drinking? Man-Face reminds us of how boring she is by telling us she misses her two children who are way too young to deal with their mommy making a fool out of herself on national television. BB Gun reminds us on how far she'll fall from grace as she states that she wants to like Man-Face but kind of can't because she thinks Man-Face is an "actress" and fake. Huh? Chica, she is no actress. None of these girls are. Anywho, BB Gun can't wait to see Man-Face crack under the pressure. Drunk Lisa's delusional confessionals in this episode begins when they arrive home and see Pullip's marvelous video (I really hope they muted it at the home otherwise blood probably would've been shed). Drunk Lisa believes that Pullip isn't everything the judges are asking for and believes she herself is. Well, did Pullip go to rehab?
ALT enters wearing that hideous robe and kasa combination (STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN) to announce he has brought the girls dinner! Yay food! He's brought along two fahlaaayming dancing waiters (who I'm most definitely sure were hustling on rodeo drive and, unfortunately, ran into ALT. Spare the prostitutes!) Complete with porn/5th grade acting, they get mad at one another for screwing up the routine and proceed to break the large plates they were carrying. ALT proves that he really needs to brush up on his French as he disapproves of their "gauche" behavior (Their behavior was "left", Andre? Oh, wait, intelligence isn't welcomed in fashion). He brings up that breaking plates is a tradition in other countries... like GREECE. In celebration, the girls scream (what else) but also break lots and lots of plates. I love spontaneous fine china breaking! Reminds me of fun family gatherings, but I'm sure certain restaurants will never allow my family back in again after we broke a saucer, two glasses and my aunt scuffed the table with her shoe (keep in mind, we're not Greek. We're Irish). We're definitely party animals. ANYWHO, the gay guys return in togas (probably because they were tired of wearing shoes for twenty minutes) and they dance.
Ms. Laura is super duper excited about all this! She's proud that she's made it this far and being the shortest girl in the cycle (5'6"). Plus, she's never been overseas! Don't forget, she went to Hawaii because Tyra set a double standard on the midget cycle and decided they weren't going to go overseas to Japan, where the girls would be lost in the crowd of people around their height. This cycle is pretty much a whole bunch of firsts for her, as I totally forgot she never received a first call out her cycle but FINALLY got one this cycle (the MJ one)... actually, that's kind of sorry. Actually, I dedicated this paragraph to her because I haven't shown my love for her yet and I'd rather not continue the last paragraph with "She's excited!" only to follow with the freaky deaky opening. Anyway, the freaky deaky opening plays, and it's sort of growing on me. I miss Kayla. Just saying.
The women quickly pack all their belongings and are zoomed over to Athens, Greece, with gorgeous tourist video shots. BB Gun proves how shallow she is by thanking Tyra for providing her with a free vacation once again (what? Australia wasn't enough for you?) Well, they aren't staying in Athens for very long as Miss J and some gorgeous Greek woman whose name I forgot (it's Vicky Kaya, host of Greek Next Top Model equivalent. Thank you Wikipedia). They're off to the island of Crete for a press conference where they must deliver a one minute speech. Drunk Lisa continues her delusional confessionals by emphasizing what it means to be an all star and blah blah blah, oh shut up, you're not all that. You're just another dancing monkey on a whack-a-doo show which I obsess over because it's that entertaining and ridiculous to see grown women cry over hair. The prize is an EXPENSIVE PIECE OF JEWELERY. OOOoooooooooooo! Immediately, I knew Ms. Laura was in trouble due to her lysdexia-- um, DYSLEXIA which, luckily, was kept at a minimum. The girls have the whole flight over to work on their speeches but Miss J notices that BB Gun isn't doing anything. Her excuse? She plans to speak from her heart, or something like that, and she feels that writing it down won't make it genuine anymore. I sort of agree there but this isn't Charm School. And she, too, is wearing a head wrap. Are they trying to be Little Edie? Ms. Laura is now nervous because important people are there at the airport to hear them talk. Important people like the mayor! And the newspapers! Bless her heart.
Drunk Lisa emerges from the plane first and attempts to stop her microskirt from blowing up due to the strong winds and revealing she's not wearing panties. She kind of bombs her speech by ending it with an American "rock n' roll" battle cry. Crickets. Pullip's turn and she does her best from keeping her hair from flying in her face. She does pretty well, even though it sounds like a high school speech class assignment riddled with Greek words that Greek Model Host thought she pronounced well. And, oddly, I wasn't bored too. Leatherface delivers a dumpy speech and tried too hard. Man-Face and her hideous dress does so-so but what is it with these girls fascination with Greek food? Oh wait, they're models. They don't eat. IT'S THE MOMENT OF TRUTH WHEN LAURA GOES. Unfortunately, the Wind god isn't in her favor and she can't read her speech without it ripping from her hands so she delivers an enthusiastic speech from the top of her head, complete with inaccurately saying she'd be Venus (That's Roman. It's APHRODITE. Still love you) and speaking a questionable attempt at Greek. Hey, it's something I'd do too. BB Gun does okay until she blows it by asking "where the baño at", and continues to screw up by proudly saying that baño in Greek means bathroom. Really, 'cause here I thought it sounded like Spanish. Miss J tells them that they'll know the winner later at their new home away from home.
The girls are transported to the Blue Palace resort and spa and I immediately felt the urge to move and live there. The girls explore their new digs complete with Ms. Laura dancing in the bathroom just 'cause she could. Miss J is waiting for them and delivers his criticism. Man-Face was a bit nervous, Leatherface was "excited" but not nearly as excited as Ms. Laura, which was SUPER-CHEERLEADER-EXCITED!!!!! Pullip was fantastic (duh) and Drunk Lisa was dressed innappropriately. All this time, she thought politicos loved skimpy outfits. Yeah, they love them on secretaries with bad perms, they themselves don't wear them, you idiot (also, thanks for making me vomit as an image of George W. Bush wearing a teddy emerged in my thoughts). BB Gun realizes her "bathroom" attempt was a mistake and Man-Face confessionalizes that she wished she coulda helped her. Oh well.
The winner is Pullip! Yay! She wins a gorgeous bracelet (that I could probably find at Hot Topic and spray paint it gold but, still, it's nice) by jeweler person Lina Fanouki who named it the "Scarlett O' Hara" ("Prissy" [one of my alters/characters] emerged at this point expressing disdain that it wasn't named after her. She left to "pray" about Mrs. Pierce and tell the congregation all about it... nyeh, you had to be there). Drunk Lisa or BB Gun... well, one of the members from Team Heel claimed that Pullip won by default. Sucky sewer losers don't get prizes for stanky attitudes.
Mr. Jay pops in the next morning to reveal that FOR THE FIRST TIME EVAH, the models get to collaborate with a BIG NAME DESIGNER to create their runway finale gown. Man-Face is excited since she would feel like a celebrity like Beyonce or J-Lo. Get some better references, woman. Anyway, creepy designer Michael Cinco helps 'em out. Wanna bet Drunk Lisa's coming up with something skanky? Oh, Mr. Jay adds, don't forget only two of you will get their dress. Well, duh, we knew that. The girls get 5 minutes with Creepypants but it's not that interesting, even when Man-Face wants something sparkly dangling from her crotch. Poor Ms. Laura feels sick the next morning but she's a trooper for going to the photo shoot. Y'know, with her sunburn drama her cycle and the sick factor now, maybe they shouldn't let her travel outside of the country anymore.
The photoshoot will have the girls posing in a gigantic Greek salad bowl (complete with salad) and pose in underwear... but the predictable happens when Leatherface's leather face falls. She has made it VERY CLEAR THAT SHE DOESN'T POSE IN LINGERIE. Oh, get over it. At least it's not in the nude. (PS I love that the remaining members of Team Face, Ms. Laura and Pullip, are doing that close friends support thingy, probably because Ms. Laura doesn't have the energy to stand). Pullip thinks the undawears look like bathing suits and she thinks it's adorable. Aww! Leatherface whines to the dresser woman but she shoots her down. You go, dresser woman!
Man-Face goes first and she wants the audience at home (yes, THEY KNOW WE'RE WATCHING) want to do things like this too. Well, *I'M* definitely game (act surprised). She's elated due to the positive feedback since, during her cycle, she was often criticized for looking hoochie or draggy. Leatherface states that she wants this but doesn't want to do this shoot due to her beliefs. Drunk Lisa is "happy" for Leatherface for handling it well. I just bet she's happy because she knows Leatherface could get her ass shipped back to the states for this protest (which BB Gun states for us a bit later. Shocker). Nevertheless, Mr. Jay basically calls her hypocritical. In the end, Leatherface sticks to her guns and refuses to do the shoot. It was nice knowin' ya, sweetie.
BB Gun goes and doesn't do that great since she's kind of weak physically as a person. Ms. Laura is miserable. She has a headache and her stomach hurts (poor thing. Seriously) so she and a member of the crew decide to walk it off. Pullip finally admits to being a vampire-- oh, wait, she has vampire eyes meaning that her eyes are super sensitive to bright sunlight. She also compares stepping into the salad to stepping into organs. JOIN THE FAMILY, DARLING. Her eyes are closed throughout the whole shoot which could mean trouble. Drunk Lisa is excited as always but, behind the scenes, Mr. Jay calls her a mean girl. My love is solidified for this man. Basically, she pours olive oil on her bum and acts like she's in a porno. GO HOME. Ms. Laura is worried that she won't be able to give it her all and that, even though Leatherface didn't participate, she could still stay, thus placing her for elimination. She doesn't do so well and Mr. Jay thought she looked like a little girl than a model, which unfortunately reminded me of that French company that's making lingerie FOR NINE YEAR OLDS (open at your own risk).
The Tyra Mail of Doom arrives and Pullip notes that they can't expect the obvious that Leatherface is going home because, hey, who knows with Crazy Tyra? Speaking of, Leatherface is nervous about explaining herself to the judges, which I think is because she doesn't have someone to fall back with like when she refused to pose nude. At panel, Tyra continues to think wearing a tight green vest is going to work but finally manages to return to us here in fashion land where she embraces the 70's trend and wears not-tight fitting pants. The photographer is the guest judge so no one cares about him. And now, the breakdown...
-Pullip models off her new bracelet. Nigel thinks her photo is pretty good, even with her eyes closed. I agree.
-BB Gun looks like a man in her photo, for me, but it's okay. However, she admits that she felt awkward, which makes the photographer admit that if she felt awkward, so did her, and that's no good.
-Drunk Lisa is in yet another hideous outfit and her photo isn't so great. The photographer thought she was confused and Tyra thinks that it looks more like a swimsuit shot. Can't anyone just LISTEN to what the objective is for these shoots?
-Leatherface... has no photo y'all! While Nigel slams her for her beliefs, Tyra notes that it's nice to see someone with some restrictions than those girls who are willing to do ANYTHING in the business (in the bad sense). Instead, the judges will look at her body of work throughout the cycle, sealing the deal on her fate.
-Man-Face sports a curly mane and some weird looking outfit which makes her look a lot like Amy Irving in Carrie. (btw, I never knew she was the one singing this! Weird!) Her photo is all sorts of uh-mazing.
-Ms. Laura is looking as sweet as ever, but her pic is a dud. Nigel calls it erotic. NOOOOO! DON'T SEND HER HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!
Deliberations aren't interesting as always as Tyra is the only one defending Leatherface's hypocrisy. She thinks girls need a stance like hers in the modeling world. Then again, Tyra is the one who usually points out that the modeling world DOESN'T CARE about those beliefs. She's not changing the world.
Man-Face/Sue Snell wins the top spot, of course. The southern chicks Ms. Laura and Leatherface? Come on down! WOW is Ms. Laura short! WHAT COULD BE IN TYRA'S HANDS? BLANK PIC, BRA PIC? Torment? Torture? The lady, the tiger--- oh wait, wrong show. *Ahem* Tyra wants to know what Ms. Laura's brand word is (loveable) and tells her that her photos haven't been living up to that. Just what the hell is Tyra huffing? Leatheface, however, is pure to her brand and Tyra admires that nobility, but the others find it confusing.
To the surprise of absolutely no one, Leatherface is eliminated. Tyra tells her it wasn't just the photoshoot this week but her performance was kind of sucky this time around. She never got a top photo or won a challenge and, frankly, was kind of boring. Well, Leatherface isn't too upset. She has no regrets and believes she handled herself with class (thank goodness) and we get to hear her theme song and see her Neutrogena video one last time.
Next week: The girls go get wasted. They are also asked to critique each other in the first cycle's judging room as BB Gun reverts to the bitchy, classless cycle 12 auditioner who can't take criticism well as she claims the girls "attacking her" where Ms. Laura the Warrior fires back "Well, *YOU'RE* attacking *ME!*"
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