We open up to apartment shots (Hooray!) to Alexander and Bradon, who bemoan the absence of Sandro. Bradon says that the room is going to be a lot quieter without him around (how wrong he'll be in this episode). Prissy Punk Helen shows how much of an asswipe she's becoming by saying that Sandro was a dumb fuck for leaving while he was safe and that he can go fuck himself. Classy! In the other boys apartment, Jeremy, after being in the bottom for his "Madame" look, feels that he now has a better understanding on how to interpret these challenges from now on.
On the runway, Heidi appears in a sparkly cardigan. She congratulates the designers on making it this far, but they should proceed with caution in this coming challenge. The designers are shipped to the meat packing district where they find Tim, some mystery man, and a bunch of shiny cars! Moesha the Interpreter decided to go for simplistic chic by wearing skinny jeans and an oversized shirt. Turns out the mystery guy is Brian Bolain, corporate manager dude for Lexus and non-important person of this episode. The cars will be the mode of transportation for the designers today but, as there are four cars, this means everyone will be working in teams of three, to Kate's dismay. So, let's meet the teams.
Inga, Sue, and Stankface Ken make up Team Bitchy, mostly due to Stankface immediately launching his "honesty" by saying that Inga talks too much and Sue doesn't know how to sew (the dumbfuck will be ripped for this later so don't worry). Alexander is thrilled he is not on that team. Kate, Karen, and Jeremy make up Team Sparkle, to Karen's excitement. Justin, Tiny Dom, and Prissy Punk Helen make up Team Cheap, where Tiny Dom comments that it could be a lot worse. Which leaves the awesomest team that is Bradon, Alexander, and Miranda the Riveter to be Team White. Tim continues the rest of the challenge explanation by saying that each team will be making three COHESIVE looks and that one person will be responsible for each look. The Lexus may serve as inspiration (but it doesn't have to) and the designers are suggested to stay within a $1500 limit, which will be reimbursed to the other designers in the team. The Lexus has a thing called "eDestination" which has three prepared locations that the designers can shop at. They can only use TWO of these locations. Tim also reveals that this is the THIRD unconventional challenge this season (memo to PR production team: There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Bring back the drag queen challenge!). The stores are a vintage wallpaper store, a fruit store, and a housegoods/party supply store. They only have one day for the challenge, which Tiny Dom is excited for because it's fun for her.
Before they put the pedal to the metal, the teams attempt to go with a design focus. On Team Cheap, Helen thinks they should go the route of using the Lexus as inspiration. On Team Sparkle, Karen thinks they should go retro and bring it to the future. Alexander explains that Team White is going, well, white for chicness, and Team Bitchy as Inga and Stankface Ken arguing immediately. Helen calls the team a recipe for disaster (like your clothes? Shade!). On the road trip to the stores, Justin explains that he feels bad for Stankface because he was pissed. This is helped by Team Bitchy's car trip where Inga says that they should try to have fun. Stankface's maturity drops sharply when he rolls his eye. Team Sparkle heads to the party store, Surprise Surprise, first where Jeremy explains that they're aiming for a futuristic Great Gatsby. Team Cheap goes to the wallpaper store first, where Tiny Dom says they're aiming to work with the red of the car. Unfortunately for them, red wallpaper isn't that popular. Also at the Party Store? Teams Bitchy and White. While Sue aims to grab silvers, blacks, greys, and shower curtains (not a good idea, Sue!), Karen witnesses the team arguing again, where Stankface goes even lower by requesting a gun AT CHECKOUT. Karen says their team is like oil and water. Team Bitchy's price tag at this store lands at over $1300, which causes my heart to stop. We do briefly get a glimpse at the steam machine that is Team White working well, but that doesn't make for good television. So we rejoin Team Bitchy out front. Stankface doesn't want wallpaper but is overruled by the other two girls so he farts about it like Coco Montrese.
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| They HAVE to be related, Dorito base and all. |
At Parsons, Tim reveals that, for a change, the designers have until midnight to work on the collections. When they get to work, Stankface farts that he doesn't see the cohesion and Sue can see, once again, there are conflicting ideas. Then, for no apparent reason, Stankface decides to rip Sue for her lack of patternmaking skills. He continues to shit talk about it in the sewing room to an uninterested Miranda (I think). Inga has had enough of him already and Alexander says that they're clashing quite a lot and that the shit is gonna hit the fan.
The recap is provided by Kate at first, then Alexander, Jeremy, Bradon, Karen, and Tiny Dom because it's that much of a mouthful. On Team White, Bradon embodies Fruma Sarah and wraps himself in some quilted thingy, which he hopes will appeal to the judges. Miranda the Riveter finds it difficult to work with the wallpaper but she's gonna have to push through with gusto. On Team Bitchy, as Inga and Sue are discussing the garments, Stankface snips that everyone should be sewing right now. Sue explains her work ethics (that are rather similar to mine, which is "When it comes, then I work") but she's fuming in the sewing room, calling him a diva. Honey, there is something worse I have in mind, but I'll tell it later. Once again, Sue goes with the strategy to lie low and take a back seat to avoid it becoming WWIII. Team Sparkle sees Jeremy making a cocktail dress and Kate ditching her time-eating idea of a gown. Team Cheap has Dom wanting to push the envelope by going bigger. And we also learn that the pants Justin is constructing are his first in six years. He's got a leg so far, so it's coming along.
Uncle Tim is here to grace us with his presence... with Sandro! The designers' jaws drop at the sight of him but, after finding some sense of peace with him, I'm just wondering why he's here. Tim announces that he's not coming back to the competition but he's here to bring closure and apologize for his actions. Basically, he says he's a very "emotional crazy Russian" and the show wasn't really helping him with that. He also apologizes to his "friend" Helen (keeps this in mind) and Stankface for being so combative with them. Aww. Bradon, because he's a good noodle, is the first to go for the hug. Stankface throws some shade by saying that, as loud as he was, he will be missed but Prissy Punk Helen is ungrateful and says she's glad he's gone. Anyway, with the lovefest over (and my urge to fly into the tv to give Sandro a koala hug gone), Tim presses on with the critques. First up is Team White. Tim is amazed at how Bradon manipulated the material on his gown. Jeremy thinks it looks costume-y but like he should talk with his Madame look last time. Tim glosses some more over the team and he's on his merry way. Miranda the Riveter is relieved that this was the smoothest critique sessions she's ever endured so far.
On Team Sparkle, Karen explains the futuristic theme of the collection. Tim says the material reminds him of quilt, which Karen believes translates to "crap". Jeremy works with placemats while Stankface does what he does best. Promptly ignoring the little bitch, Kate reveals she's going to be making a little black dress. Tim loves the neckline on her dress but advises the team to work more with their materials at hand, so Jeremy brings out the REST of the things he brought. Kate is confused but I forget why. Team Cheap reveals that they only spent a measly $600 for supplies, which leaves Tim underwhelmed and Jeremy calling their concept "bonkers" but Tiny Dom's look "hard". Ken shits about Helen's look like it's his job and Tim is disappointed with them. Justin is now worried for the runway.
But, no. Let's look at the team with one member who wastes out lives. Tim sees that Ken is pensive. I think he says something about Inga vomiting too much information. Anyway, Inga the Peacekeeper explains how she's using placemats. Tim, however, is displeased with Sue for using a shower curtain as the basis of her garment. He then launches into a tirade about the meaning behind the UNCONVENTIONAL challenge, which is to work with things that AREN'T like fabric. AT ALL. And using fabric-like things like shower curtains are a big no-no, especially to the judges (no matter how nice it looks). Stankface is then shown to be smirking but is caught by Tim. It's here when he transitions from "Stankface" to "Kunt". Tim is livid with Kunt, saying that he's smirking because he believes that his work will rise above the rest. Then Kunt tries to throw Sue under the bus by saying that this is the best that she can do right now because she can't really sew. Sue defends herself, kind of, by saying that she DOES know how to sew, just not by machine. Tim leaves them by telling them to make it work. Inga offers Sue some options since it's clear Inga is the only thing keeping the team slightly together. Sue, however, is starting to get stressed.
Elsewhere, Bradon reimburses his teammates, but nothing too interesting happens there so it's just another plug for GoBank. After getting a bad critique from Tim, Team Cheap, lead by Tiny Dom, crumple the wallpaper in a desperate attempt to take their collection even further. The models then arrive shortly thereafter. On Team White, the models find that the garments are half finished... quite literally. Kunt continues to bitch about how he hates group challenges (Laura, knock some sense into him. With a sledgehammer), in the confessional AND to Kate, who looks like she could care less about this turd. He asks about how a team works, and is basically left with fending for himself. Justin, on the other end of the spectrum, is having trouble with his pants and is getting upset. He goes to skype with his family to turn this episode around just a teense. It's pretty sweet and he says that he wouldn't know how to handle all of this without them.
Three hours to go finds Team White having issues with a top. Bradon feels the need to lift the team up just a little. Miranda is worried because she's been in the bottom quite a few times already. Jeremy, on Team Sparkle, has a lot to do and doesn't want to be screwed over by the judges again. But there's more Dance Mom drama from Team Bitchy. Sue doesn't have enough fabric to make the rest of the garment and is attempting to use the red wallpaper. Kunt wonders how she even made it onto the show (I'm sorry, have you SEEN her designs?). He then says... something but the other two don't respond to him right away, so he goes apeshit in the prissiest manner ever. Inga then calls him obnoxious (I can always depend on this woman to use words that I've been trying to grab at. Bravo to you). She is super pissed and is speechless by his behavior. Like, she stammers a bit before saying that. Sue knows that they cannot move forward in the challenge but admits that she may have been a bit too optimistic about all of this.
The Lexus team challenge's runway day is here, and we find Kunt referring to himself in the third person. Oh god, he's such a douchy asswipe. As Bradon shows concern for Miranda, Tim arrives to give the crunch speech. Justin's pants are still ill fitting, Jeremy's wishing he had a bit more time to work on the sides, and Kunt still feels the need to shit talk about Sue. He goes about rudely interrupting Sue and Kate's conversation (where I'm pretty sure Kate is giving Sue advice about how to deal with stupid abortions like him) and snaps at her for not working. Kate feels bad for Sue because her work ethics doesn't really work here. Karma comes by to kick Kunt, who is wearing this suspender thing that I despise (seriously, are back braces the thing this season?), square in the balls by making his dress rip. So he's taping her in with duct tape. Hahaha, bitch!
In the 10 minute freakout, Kunt says Team White's collection is lovely. However, Justin's pants are looking pretty disastrous. Inga's finished so she's helping Sue out with finishing her garment. However, Sue's dress is so incomplete that, when it's time to go down to the runway, her model is STILL in her street clothes and has to be pinned into the dress. Oyish. Inga is in an embarrassing position over who to send home: Sue because she wasn't finished or Kunt because he's an obnoxious little man who has no idea how to keep his mouth shut.
On the runway, Heidi is donning a zebra print dress that is trimmed in red on the stripes edges. Guest judge is June Ambrose, a designer, stylish, and apparent cartoon character. Now, let the games begin.
Team White is up first. Alexander's dress is quite futuristic and something Lady Gaga could wear, but Miranda's done yet ANOTHER pencil skirt. At least it looks decent and sleek. And Bradon's gown is all sorts of amazing and beautiful.
Team Cheap is nothing to get excited over. Justin's kind of meh, Tiny Dom's a bit extreme, and Prissy Punk Helen has made a bubble skirt, which is a total no.
Team Bitchy. Sue's not too shabby, despite being pinned in, while Kunt's dress makes his girl look a bit chunky. Inga's skirt makes a lot of noise but it looks decent.
Team Sparkle. While Jeremy's dress is MILES better than last week's, he's made a peplum skirt and I sob. Karen's look is pretty cool and, while Kate's on the short side, she does a peplum right.
After the presentation, Heidi announces that Team Sparkle is the winning team while Team Bitchy is the losing team. Everyone else is safe, but Heidi lets Team White know that they were sooooooooo close to being the winner. And now, deliberations.
TEAM SPARKLE
Heidi is blown away by their clever usage of the unconventional items they had, especially with the rice and poppy seeds. She also likes Jeremy's fit of the dress and admits she thought it was Kate's at first. June believes that it could be seen on magazine covers and is enjoying the surprises in the garments. Zac is impressed that they managed to capture the car's elements in their designs. Nina loves that she can see the car references in the designs and that all three look effortless.
THE TRAVESTY THAT IS TEAM BITCHY
This team's critique just goes on and on so I'll just out and say it: Kunt is like a midget between Amazons Sue and Inga. Heidi wants to know if there is a story behind the three designs, but it just translates into mumbling from Inga and Sue. Kunt, shockingly, is silent. Zac thinks all three garments are BAD, from Inga's cocoon, Kunt's dress that makes his girl wide, and Sue's flat disaster. Heidi sees that it's just a random collection. Nina feels that there's no structure in the pieces, it's just haphazard draping, and it looks cheap. June thought the looks were funky and wanted more enthusiasm and fantasy. Inga then unwittingly throws Sue under the bus for not completing her garment, and I think Kunt joins in on it as well. Heidi stops them because they have no right to say that she can't sew. I mean, HOW ELSE COULD SHE HAVE MADE IT ON THE SHOW? WHERE SEWING IS INVOLVED?! Kunt continues his shit talking and I just really want to sucker punch him so bad. Here's the thing: Each time he's sent something down the runway, it wasn't very memorable (to me, at the very least) and, if it was, it was because he made the girl look bulky. Plus, Sue's been in the top before this so that's saying something, compared to him who hasn't been. Anyway, back to the runway battle. Nina admonishes Inga and Kunt for jumping on Sue, saying it's horrible, and admits that she does like the cut out back on Sue's dress. Then Kunt tattles on Sue because that's always classy. So, who should go home? Kunt says Sue because he can't stand being around women. Inga can't really choose because Sue was too easy going and Kunt acted like an obnoxious bitch--- or hard to work with, in professional terms. Kunt takes offense to that because he can't take criticism. Nina asks if they had a problem and Heidi gets uncomfortable. Thankfully, Sue ASKS if she can speak for herself, but ends up saying that it's the end result that counts for anything.
The teams are dismissed. The lounge is extremely quiet. Sue felt bad but Kunt is furious with Inga and he gets Miss Pissy Pants on her, even telling her to stop talking because he was talking (right after a 15 second pause). During deliberations, Tim admits he was frustrated by that team. Sue's model reveals that she had to sew the outfit on herself (just at the shoulder) and Zac likes Inga's skirt. Tim basically tells them how she was like the North Star for the team but Kunt was intimidating. Karma bites his ass again when Tim discovers that he tried to hide the fabric he used by covering it all with the tape. HA HA.
It's time for elimination and Heidi warns that one or more may be cut tonight.
Winner: Jeremy! He feels awesome coming from the bottom to the top.
Team Bitchy remains on the runway and Heidi reprimands them for their poor teamwork. Sue is auffed first. She's frustrated that she never got to show her best and wished she could continue on. However, she does joke that she'll be able to get some sleep for a change. Bradon admits that he wished she could have been on his team, if given the chance. For obvious reasons, Inga is swept into safety. Which leaves Kunt. He's in, unfortunately, because he makes for good television. Nobody is thrilled by the news and Inga looks like she wants to kill him. Tim says that, again, he agreed with the judges. Sue's taking the elimination with grace and says that she did the show because she likes challenges and that she tried her best and that she's taking this as a positive experience. I'm gonna miss you, rocker lady.
Next time: Camping trip! Pregnant fairy, Kid's drawing, Frog queen, and Tim saying he has something important to say.
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